I will never forget the day I first met the dog we named Cookie. She was just a puppy and the sweetest thing I had ever seen. She was missing half the hair on her head due to the mange, but I could tell she would eventually be a beautiful dog. She was left abandoned along with another puppy at our friend's doorstep. When I received the call about them I felt the urgency to save one of them. I immediately knew which dog I wanted, but I let the kids decide. They finally chose Cookie.
When I saw the mange my first thought was that I prayed it was treatable and not contagious. We immediately took her to the vet and he told me that it WAS treatable and that it was the Demodectic mange. (Unfortunately, I didn't do any online research on this.) I just took the vet's word that we would be able to treat it and that was that. I decided that we were going to use all of our resources available to treat her and to take care of her. The first thing we did was treat the mange with a dip. We were also advised to spay her since this was a genetic condition. (That should have been a "red flag"... but I REALLY wanted this to work out.)
We continued with the treatments and dips. It seemed for a while that perhaps we were going to get the mange under control. We had some really good months where her hair started to grow in. I even took her to PetSmart and groomed her. She looked so beautiful. Her hair was an ivory white with patches of tan over her eyes. The vet thought she might be a Saint Bernard/Great Dane mix, but she was a mutt.... a blend of MANY breeds and there was no way of knowing. I taught her to walk on the leash and eventually she became my jogging buddy. I also taught her to sit and give me her paw. She loved doing that. It was in her nature to please and that was a good trait. She never snapped at any of us or showed any signs of aggression. The only behavior we had issues with was her chewing on things and her jumping on people in the beginning. As far as I know, those were all normal things for a puppy.
She continued to grow, but did not get as big as I thought she would be. She was approximately 50 pounds at 12 months. Her size did not bother me at all. However, the dips became very expensive and her mange was not going away. The thing that was hard for me was seeing her suffer. She would scratch her patch areas so much that they would bleed. I gave her Benedryl and that seemed to help somewhat. However, they would make her groggy and I literally had to carry her home a couple times when I tried to walk her. She was pathetic. When it got cold and I saw her outside with hardly any hair and scratching herself until she bled again... that was when I started wondering if we did all we could do for her. However, I did not want to give up just yet. I called the vet's office and told them that the dips were not working and if there was ANYTHING else they could offer. They said there was one other thing... it was a drug. I would need to give it to her orally once a day for 3 weeks. If I did not see any improvement then there was nothing else we could do. I didn't even want to think about that.
We started her drug therapy right away. I made sure not to miss a single dose. It was funny 'cause at first she didn't know what I was going to do so she would run wagging her tail towards me, but soon she learned what I was going to do and so I had to come up with a way to trick her into opening her mouth. I used her vice in my favor... I gave her a stuffed animal to bite onto and at that moment I would squirt the medicine into her mouth. I must say... I was quite proud of myself. I kept telling her, "this is for you own good... if you only knew girl."
I was so excited because after about a week I noticed her hair starting to grow back on her head. This was definitely an improvement. We spent a lot of time with her and I think I gave her extra attention because in the back of my mind I just knew that this was going to be short-lived just like the dips. Well... after 2 weeks I noticed her patches of hair missing and the crust forming on top of her head all over again. "I guess this is it... we've done all we can do."
I pondered on what we could have done differently. It would have been easier to take her to the pound after the initial diagnosis. However, being the animal lover that I am, I would not have been able to live with myself. I knew that the longer we kept her, the harder it was going to be. She had become a member of our family and we all loved her. However, being her caregiver and jogging buddy I was the one that cried the most. The night before I made the most difficult decision, I asked my husband to go on a walk with me. We talked about Cookie and how much she was suffering. He made me realize that there was going to be colder nights ahead and although we would obviously bring her inside (like we did the previous winter), at least at the Human Shelter she would be taken care of and she would not have to be outside another cold night. He reminded me that he had visited the shelter on numerous occasions and that it was a nice facility and he felt good about leaving her there. He was optimistic that somehow things would turn out for the best.
The next day I woke up and followed my normal routine. I warned the kids that Cookie might not be home when they returned. I gave them the opportunity to say good-bye the night before. After dropping off the kids at school, I returned and saw cookie at the back door. She always waited there for me to open the door and let her in. That was our normal routine. I opened the door and she came inside where it was nice and warm. I sat down at the sofa and she cuddled with me. That's when I started to cry. I would not stop crying for many hours later. Every time I looked into her beautiful brown eyes I could not help but remember the little puppy I saw many months before. She was bigger now, but she still had the same spirit. She loved for me to rub her tummy and that reminded me of my dog I had growing up. I guess I felt like perhaps in a way, her spirit was living inside of Cookie. I know that sounds strange, but I have experienced stranger things. She seemed a bit more mellow this day. Could she have known? I am sure she sensed my sorrow and anxiety.
I called my husband and told him that today was definitely going to be the day. He was available at noon to help me. I got her dog food and things together. I did not want to leave her there empty-handed. I loaded her into the car and picked up my husband. I let him drive while I had cookie literally hugging me with her head on my lap. I just pet her all the way to the Humane Society. I was going to miss her so much. She had given us a lot of joy and love in the short time we had her. When we arrived I gave the leash to my husband and he took her in. I chose to stay in the car. I knew that if I walked in with him I would start to cry. I didn't want the people to think that we were "one of those families" who wanted to dump their pet at the Humane Society.
When my husband came back without Cookie my heart just sank. It was done. She was no longer with us. I felt so sad for myself. Of course, I proceeded to ask my husband a hundred questions about what happened. He simply replied, "She was excited to be there. When she saw the other dogs she wanted to go over and play. She didn't resist when I handed her over. She will be okay." It was selfish of me to keep her knowing that we couldn't help her. It was selfish of me to think that she was better off with us just because we loved her. It took some time, but I finally realized that at that moment... what I had done was probably the most unselfish thing.
My memories of Cookie will always be fond ones. I don't regret my decision to rescue Cookie. We had her for almost a year and in that time we did not give up on her. Our kids learned responsibility and what it takes to care for a pet. My oldest was responsible for feeding her and making sure she had water. He did an excellent job. I rarely had to remind him. My youngest learned how to treat a dog without teasing and pulling the tail. He learned how to command respect from Cookie. It was neat seeing that transformation in my family. Of course, my daughter loved Cookie. She often went outside and played with her by running and chasing her. My #2 loved petting Cookie. I would often find him outside sitting on the grass petting her. She had a way of calming him. It was a neat thing to see.
All in all, it was a positive experience for me and the entire family. When we first found her, the mange was pretty bad. I know that she has a better chance of being adopted now than when we first found her. If there is something that can be done for her, I am sure that the Humane Society will do it. If not, I feel confident that we did all we could do. I will continue to pray for her recovery. In the event that she doesn't, I know that someday we shall meet again. One thing is for sure, she will always hold a special place in my heart.
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"I talk to him when I'm lonesome like,
and I'm sure he understands.
When he looks at me so attentively,
and gently licks my hands;
Then he rubs his nose on my tailored clothes,
but I never say naught thereat,
For the good Lord knows I can buy more clothes,
but never a friend like that!"
- W. Dayton Wedgefarth
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