What's Happening to Our Middle Schools?

I was prompted once again to post my thoughts about a particular topic. This time I want to talk about Middle Schools and the problems my friends and I have encountered. It doesn't matter if you have a child who is different or one who fits the "mold"...it seems bullying is an issue. It's not a district problem... I believe it's a nation-wide problem and something needs to be done.

When I went to Middle School it was a bit challenging because you are starting to learn who you are and figuring out where your place is. Cliques begin to form and groups are organized. It seems that if you don't find a place soon then you end up alone. That was pretty much the worst of it.. and I agree that in itself is challenging enough. NOW...on top of those things, kids have to worry about drugs, violence, weapons such as guns, extreme bullying (Internet and at school), profanity, sex, and much more. It's almost like a rite of passage and that's the way it's treated at the faculty level. The administration does not take things as seriously as they should. Instead they go overboard when a child brings their cellphones or ipods to school. There needs to be a good middle ground.

My oldest attended a magnet school for middle school. For those of you who are not familiar with what that means, it is basically a school that offers advanced curriculum in certain subjects. They have academic magnets as well as ones for the arts. My son loves math and science so we chose the one that we felt was best suited for him. We initially felt lucky to be accepted because they did not have very many spots open. They receive hundreds of applications and only a handful are chosen. Little did we know that we would have the worst year we have ever experienced.

My son had to endure bullying, pushing, and teasing. After just a couple months I noticed he was not as happy. Then something happened... he made a friend. They were like two peas in a pod. I was so happy for him. However, this was short-lived when one day he came home and said that something was really bothering him and he didn't know what to do. He explained that every day he had to look at this sign outside the courtyard where the basketball hoops were for P.E. and it had lots of profanity written all over it. He also told me that there was profanity on the back of the bathroom stalls as well. The thing that bothered him the most was that he had told teachers and even the vice-principal, but nothing was done about it. I almost couldn't believe it. I believed the profanity was there, but I couldn't believe that the faculty could ignore such a thing. I went to the school and spoke to the vice-principal, but she didn't take it seriously. She told me that there was nothing she could do about the sign because it wasn't school property and then proceeded to tell me that if they painted the bathroom stalls, the profanity would just return. I suggested they paint the back of the stalls in black and then took it upon myself to take care of the sign. That very same day I walked over to the community center and told the manager there. Within seconds, she had a maintenance guy clean it up. That was when I realized that I was dealing with something that went beyond the normal.

My son also confided in me that he was being bullied at P.E. Since he was about two years younger than the kids, he did not like to dress-out in front of the much older children. I found out later that he was also having to change in front of boys who were seventh graders and he was only in sixth grade! That meant that the boys were actually three years older than him!! That bothered me a lot. The other thing that was happening was they were also physically bothering him. He told me of an incident where they bumped into him while he was trying to urinate and they almost made him pee on himself. He told the coach and he didn't believe him. He was so worried that these group of boys would hurt him. The incidents were getting more and more violent. The last incident was when a boy hit his head with a glass bottle. Unfortunately, my son retaliated and therefore got suspended from school. However, I was so proud of him for standing up for himself. I think anyone would have fought back under those circumstances. I was even more proud of him for keeping his grades up in spite of all the zeros he received from being absent for two days!

Standards and morals have reached a point that I can't even understand. I am not sure if it's the television and media influence, or if parents are just not doing their job... or a combination of both? The truth is that there is no respect for property, teachers, or peers in a middle school setting. For those of you who have small children, be prepared. I had heard about how bad it was, but it's not until you live it that you realize how bad it truly is. The sad part is that most of the kids who are bullied are the ones who come from loving and stable homes. The bullies prey on these children. When I realized that it was happening to my son, I quickly went online to see what I could do to help him. I found an invaluable source of information and support. These are just a couple of sites I recently found:
http://www.education.com/topic/school-bullying-teasing/?cid=55000.0067843004&s_kwcid=middle%20school%20bullying|2750575915&gclid=CIKczqCQx5gCFQRkswodI08D1A
http://www.loveourchildrenusa.org/bullylaws.php

I found out that Alabama was among the states WITHOUT an anti-bullying law. I thought that was insane. There is really not much a parent can do legally to fight bullying. However, I did find out that although there are no anti-bullying laws, there are things you can do. The first thing I did was call the superintendent's office and told them about what was going on. I wrote a letter so there would be documentation. It was amazing how fast they took things seriously once I had someone come to the school from the superintendent's office. I also requested that my son see the guidance counselor once a week and report to her. I wanted my son to know that he had someone on his side. The last thing I did was since his P.E. class was the last period of the day, I would periodically check him out early from school. I did this especially the last few weeks of school because I knew that the boys would be more wired during that time and the teachers would be less likely to notice or do anything about it. We finished out the school year. Needless to say, we did not return the following year.

There are a few questions you need to ask yourself if you suspect bullying:
1) Have you noticed any changes in behavior and/or mood?
2) Have you noticed any changes in grades or conduct at school?
3) Does he have any unexplained bruises or cuts?
4) Is he/she suddenly wetting the bed?

If you say "yes" to any of these questions then it's worth checking it out. Have a good conversation with your child. Being bullied is not just a physical thing. It affects a child's self-esteem, thought process, being able to concentrate, and can cause depression in some children. It's important to let your child know that you love him and that it's okay to come to you when something occurs. You might want to give him some ammunition such as possible come-backs and strategies to defuse the situation. Role-playing helped my son gain the confidence he needed to use these tools. We also purchased a really good book and had him read it. There are numerous resources out there. I advice you to do your research.

The last advice I could give someone dealing with bullying is try to fight the urge to pull your child out immediately. That might not be the best solution. You don't want your child to think it's his fault or that you don't have faith in him to handle the situation. Of course, it's up to you as a parent to make that determination. Every situation is different and sometimes taking the child out immediately is what needs to happen. I knew someone at the same school who pulled their daughter out immediately after she was punched in the stomach by another kid between classes at the lockers. They didn't want their daughter exposed any more to that type of abuse and definitely thought it wasn't the right environment for her. They ended up placing her in a private school.

The big issue in the area I live at is that most parents end up giving up. Some parents just choose to put their child in a private school and don't want to even hassle with the public school setting. I can't say I blame them. There are some wonderful private schools in the area and if you can afford it... why not? However, I am in the mindset that my tax dollars pay for these public schools and I am determined to make it work. I refuse to pay for private school when I have a perfectly fine elementary school across the street from my subdivision. I think a school is what you make of it. I am very involved and try to help the teachers as much as I can. It should be a team effort. I can't understand how some parents just don't care. They send their child to school and expect the school to teach them manners, respect for others, and basically babysit for the day while they are at work. That is part of the problem.

I pray that none of you reading this have to go through what I did in Middle School. I know there are many wonderful schools out there and not everyone has such an awful experience. In the end, it all begins in the home. If parents would just teach their children the basic principles of Christianity such as "love one another" and that they are "a child of God" then things would be so different. Too bad they had to take prayer out of schools. Schools could definitely use prayer right about now.
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It takes a village to raise a child.
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