Reality Check Time

**The following information may not be appropriate for young readers. I apologize if some of the content seems offensive, but this is information that might save your child's life.**

I just wanted to share with those of you who can relate how important it is to remember that there is always light at the end of the tunnel. No matter how dark things may get or how hectic your life may seem to be it is always a matter of time before things eventually get better. However, it is so important to never let your guard down. That is the main reason for this post.

No matter how safe you think your neighborhood is or how wonderful your neighbors might seem, it is a fact that the majority of crimes against children are done by someone they KNOW! Does this mean you have to be paranoid? Absolutely not. Does this mean you need to be vigilant? You BETTER be!!! Unfortunately, we live in a time when you can't just assume that other families or friends have the same standards you do. I lived in a cul de sac in my previous home and thought I knew all my neighbors very well. It was a shock to me when one morning we saw the police at our neighbor's house and the parents were yelling and screaming at one another. I found out later that they did drugs. I actually let me children participate in an Easter Egg hunt at their house just a few months prior to that incident! My point is that you just never know.

There are numerous things you can do to help your children. First, you need to teach them about personal space and what is appropriate touch.... and more importantly, what is inappropriate touch. If there is a "Stranger Danger" or other similar course then I would encourage you to enroll your child at least for a short period of time. It is never too early to learn those vital skills. I know what you are probably thinking right now, "I won't let my child out of my sight before they are school aged." I hate to even say this, but your child can be "groomed" before your eyes and you wouldn't even know it. "Grooming" refers to the process by which a sex predator will touch a child and basically get them used to his touch. This process also includes testing the child to see how he might react. I know this is difficult to hear, but I feel it's critical for all of you to understand.

The second way you can help your child is by keeping open lines of communication. This will become even MORE critical as they get older. My parents taught me this concept very well. I felt like I could talk to them about ANYTHING! I have tried to continue that with my own children. An important point I want to make right now is that it is important for you to initiate conversation with your child. You might need to ask point blank if something inappropriate has happened... especially if those "mommy" instincts kick in and you know something is not quite right. It might not be a bad idea to periodically have family night lessons about this concept. You can have scenarios and act them out to show what to do in certain situations. The important thing is to not make it scary. You definitely don't want your child to be afraid. You DO want them to be cautious and to be mindful of things that they need to tell you. ALWAYS... and I mean ALWAYS stress the fact that they will NEVER EVER get in trouble for telling you. Many times the adult predator might say that they will get in trouble if they tell.

The last thing I want to talk about is what do you do when your child comes to you with something as awful as what we have talked about. Your first instinct will be to kill or strangle the offender. First, congratulate and say how proud you are that they came to you. Make sure they know that it wasn't their fault. Next, get as much information as you can. You might want to get a doll and tell your child to show you exactly what happened. It will be difficult, but you need as much specific detail about what happened since you don't want to have any question that it was an inappropriate act. Most children will not make things like that up. In special needs children the predator will often count on the fact that perhaps the parents or other adults will not take the accusations seriously. That makes those children more vulnerable.

All you have to do is turn on the nightly news and it won't be long before you hear about a child being abducted or about a pervert who has done horrible things. The reality is that the parents of these kids never thought it could happen to them. I have personal experience about how you can never be too careful. A young military man with children of his own may seem like the last person you would suspect of being a pedophile, but I knew such a person. He went to church every Sunday and had children at his house every day. Don't be fooled by appearances. Trust your instincts. A little prayer doesn't hurt either.
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