Feelings of Inadequacy

Have you ever felt like all eyes are on you? Have you ever felt like giving up? Have you ever wondered why you had so much on your plate? Have you ever felt like crawling into bed and crying?

If you answered yes to any of these questions, you are not alone. I wanted you all to know that we are parents who have joined an elite group. We have to work a little harder,a little stronger, and perhaps with a little more discipline than our counterparts. However, the rewards are overwhelmingly bountiful IF you look at the bigger picture. I celebrate small strides and achievements. It is important to do so. I also acknowledge those small miracles that happen all around me. To deny them is equivalent to denying God's presence.

Everyone has moments where they feel like giving up. They feel inadequate. Those feelings of inadequacy are fed by media and judgment from others in the form of looks or comments. You must not compare yourself or your child to anyone else. You are unique and so are they. Even twins are unique and they have the same chromosomal make-up. Therefore, it is fair to say that we all have our own paths and ways of getting to the same destination.

During your journey called "Parenthood" you will find what works for you. Giving up is not an option. Trial and error will become your best friend. I find that even professionals use it. Knowledge is power and with that power comes responsibility. The more you learn the more you will question. The more you question, the more you will add on to what you have learned. You can't deny genetics as one of the leading roles to child's behavior. Sometimes they just come the way they come. The best advice I have for you is to accept those things you can't change, and do everything you can about those things you CAN change! That is the secret to my sanity.

I still consider this blog my therapy. It's important to find an outlet. If writing is not one of your strengths, then find something else you enjoy and do it! Don't let feelings of inadequacy become greater obstacles for you. You are a great parent! You have been entrusted with a very special spirit. This little person that you are raising will one day become an adult. You have NO idea what his/her potential is. There is no way of knowing. All I know is that one day you will look back and see that all your hard work paid off. They are better because of you. In turn, YOU are better because of them.
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Our differences are what
makes the world more
interesting.
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Quick Comebacks 101

This has been something I've wanted to do for quite some time. Take the following scenario: You're at McDonald's playground trying to have a relaxing lunch while allowing your children to play. Suddenly you hear a child say, "That kid just spit on me." You instinctively know that it's your child so you go over. Sure enough... you were right! The parent gives you that look that is all too familiar and tells you that your child just spit on theirs. What do you say? What do you do?

This is a list of comebacks that you can use in different situations to help explain (not condone or excuse) your special needs child's behavior.

1)"I'm sorry. We are working on (ex: sharing, not biting, etc...). I will have a talk with him." This works great for a lot of situations, especially when you have a toddler or smaller child. Most people who are parents totally get it. No more explanation is needed. You follow up with your child apologizing to the other. Make sure you do this in front of the other parent.

2) "You'll have to excuse him. He's in the autism spectrum. He doesn't communicate very well." This works great when you either have an older child or one that looks older than he is. Some parents may not realize the age of your child and knowing that they are in the autism spectrum will help clear up immaturity issues or inappropriate things for his age. Plus, this will usually open up things for discussion thus giving you a chance to educate another parent about ASD's! (Autism Spectrum Disorders)

3) "Unfortunately, he mimics behavior and a child just did the very same thing to him just a moment ago." This will not only help explain the behavior, but will show the parent that YOUR child was also a victim thus reducing the "mama bear" feelings.

4) "It's hard being a (age) year old trapped in a (older age) year old body." This comes in handy at any age. Parents often don't realize the age of the child and it helps (depending on the situation) to know that.

5) "Thanks for not being judgmental of my child with autism. You have no idea how hard it is." This will make the other parent feel like they should live up to your expectations and perhaps make them more empathetic.

The following are for rude parents:

6) "(Silence)".... My #1 advice for rude parents is to just not say anything at all! Try ignoring at first and if that doesn't work, then just leave the situation.

7) "Are you having a rough day too?" This might tick them off or just might make them laugh.

8) "Have you seen the Temple Grandin movie?" This is good 'cause maybe you can distract and/or change the emphasis onto something else. I would like to think that most people have good intentions.

Some of these I have heard and a few I have used myself. Hope it gives you all some food for thought.