I have not posted in a very long time. So much has happened that I truly do not know where to begin. First of all, my daughter (the one who inspired me to start this blog), is now a liver transplant miracle. She received a new liver on February 5, 2020. It was right in the midst of all the COVID Pandemic. She had to stay in the hospital for two months due to kidney failure and other complications related to her surgery. We almost lost her on numerous occassion, and she almost ended up needing a kidney transplant. I feel it was a miracle that her kidneys were able to heal enough for her to carry on without a new kidney. She had to have dialysis for weeks, and her doctors were not optimistic. However, I held on to the faith that she would overcome it, and she did. Nothing can prepare you for an obstacle like that. We made friends along the way at the Children's Hospital who did not have such happy endings. One of my daughter's neighbors in the SICU was fighting liver cancer, and she passed away recently after a long year! She was only 10 years old. We will forever remember her sweet angelic face. My biggest challenge right now is not hovering and giving my children space. It is so hard not to be overprotective. However, my children are no longer young kids anymore. I have a 24 year-old, a 20 year-old, and 18 year-old, and 15 year-old. Trust me when I say that the years pass by in a blink of an eye! This is especially true when you are a parent of exceptional children. When you are going through all of the trials and tough times, it is hard to appreciate that these moments will pass by. In the moment, you are caught up in just trying to survive. It is very humbling. If I could go back in time, I would only change one thing. I would not have introduced the computer to my oldest at such a young age. He was only three and was a genius. I thought I was doing him a favor by helping getting ahead. However, it created some challenges that I feel he faces even to this day. Another thing I would change is how tough I was on myself. I would have homeschooled all my children sooner. I would have noticed that they were bullied in middle school sooner. I also would have advocated more for them at church. Parenting is definitely not easy. However, it is so rewarding! I am so thankful for each of my children and all they have taught me. I cannot imagine my life without them. One day, I hope they will look back on their childhood years and realize how much they were loved and appreciated. Each of them is a gem.

The Real Truth...and Nothing But

My motivation for this post was the realization that people are just not genuine anymore! Facebook has become a place where people can reinvent themselves and create a dream reality to hide the truth. I often see pictures of friends seemingly living the dream life. Of course, we all know that we only take pictures of happy moments. We rarely even acknowledge moments of sadness, despair, or tragedy. I have friends that live in situations that would make most people want to end their life. Yet, they always seem to be in a state of perpetual bliss on Facebook. I think it's time to get real. No one lives a perfect life. The grass is always greener on the other side of the fence. FYI: my grass is sometimes brown.

First of all, my children are not perfect. Wow! I actually said that at loud? I must be a horrible mother! My main concern with all my children is not if their hair is picture perfect or if they are wearing matching clothes. Those things are so far down the list of priorities, that it is amusing to me. You want to know what my priorities are? Did they get their meds? Did they finally go to sleep by midnight? Are they going to have a meltdown today at school? Did they get enough to eat at lunch time, or did they just drink their chocolate milk? Yep! When I see mothers stressing about trivial things, I have to laugh. I only wish I had those types of troubles. I wish my child was in the soccer team and I had to stress about finding their shoes for practice. I only dream of having those types of normal mothering issues.

Secondly, I do not desire to run a 5K or a half marathon....EVER!!! You will never see one of those stickers on my car. I love to run, but I don't have any desire to do it in an organized way. I used to be on the track team in high school. I don't need the recognition or the notoriety of having a medal or my picture taken at a race. Nope! Those of you who feel the need....go for it!

Thirdly, I truly do have the world's perfect husband. He is perfect for me! I do not go around bragging about our intimacy or the numerous things he does for me on a daily basis. I feel our relationship is built on trust, love, and faith. However, there are times when I want to strangle him! He is passive aggressive, which means he never yells or gets outwardly angry. That makes me angry. It is the Latina in me. I have to let it out. That reminds me....I have a temper! Yes! I get angry and even yell sometimes! Wow! I don't think I have ever said that. I have a lot of patience, but when I lose it...I lose it!

Fourthly, I have a past...a history. I have been through some things. All of these things affect the way I react to certain situations. They have shaped the woman and mother I am today. I probably need therapy and counseling, but never have been for myself. I have managed all these years...so, why now?

Fifth thing, I am amazed at how some people think! I cannot get past it. I avoid confrontation like the plague. Therefore, you will rarely hear my point of view if it is opposite of yours. The only exception is when it deals with autism, scouting, or my faith. Politics is a subject I avoid. It is not a friendly subject.

Sixth thing, since I am basically laying it out there....I want the world to know that my children's autism is not caused by computers, or by poor parenting, or by any other stupid reason you can think of. My children do have feelings. More importantly, I have feelings! If you treat my children unfairly, I will notice! By the way, children talk (no matter the age). I am a teacher, and my students have opened my eyes to what their parents REALLY think!

Almost to last thing, I get jealous! I get jealous when I see friends who get together and go to the beach or hang out. I have not done that in so long. I cannot remember the last time someone just called me and said, "Hey! Let's meet up!" It pains me to admit that I feel lonely a lot. It is my reality. I get some adult conversation at work, and the children I teach bring me so much joy. However, when I get on Facebook and see my old friends hanging out without me, I feel a sense of betrayal and loss. I feel the loss of times when we used to have Girl's Nite Out and went out to eat,or saw a midnight showing of a movie. Those were the days.

The last thing I want to share is my struggle with food. Food is my nemesis. I have recently discovered a company called Isagenix which has totally transformed my life, but food is still a struggle. I definitely have a food addiction. It is my medicine. It is my friend. It is my therapy when I am alone. Food is always there. Thank goodness my sweet husband loves me no matter what. I am thankful for unconditional love.

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Confession time: what would you like to
get off YOUR chest?
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Have I Done Any Good?

One of my favorite hymns is "Have I Done Any Good?" because it reminds me that each day is an opportunity to do something that can make a difference in the life of another person. Small acts of kindness can go a long way. A smile, a hug, a listening ear can all be a blessing for someone. The best part is that they do not cost a single penny!

When was the last time you woke up seeking a service opportunity? The number one thing that parents suffer from chronically is stress and depression. Guess what the number one treatment for these conditions is? You've guessed it....it is serving others. What are some ways we can serve our fellow man? There are countless service opportunities in our communities. There are countless opportunities to serve our family members. There are so many out there who are sick and home-bound. What about perfect strangers? How can we serve them? A smile or listening ear is a great start. What about just helping someone who needs at that moment? For example, you are standing in line at the grocery store and you see an elderly woman unloading her groceries onto the conveyor belt. You can help her. What about that gentleman who has ONE item to purchase and is standing behind you in line. You can let him ahead of you. Opening doors and holding them open is a great way to show courtesy and love. Traditionally, men hold doors for women, but I love to hold doors open for ANYONE who I see is coming up behind me. These small acts of kindness are considered service.

Do you know a parent who has a special needs child? Are they lonely? Are YOU lonely? Why not call that parent and check on him/her? When was the last time you got together? Maybe it is time to invite people over or meet up at a park or restaurant. During the summer there are many opportunities to do things with the kids. Call your local library and see what fun opportunities there are to serve. There are usually family-friendly summer events that libraries plan. These are great opportunities to meet other parents or meet up with friends.

I recently saw a video of a man who decided to do at least one act of kindness or service for another stranger every day. The thing that baffled me was how untrusting many people were. It was actually a CHALLENGE for him to find people who would allow him to do these acts of service. They assumed he was either looking for compensation or they just did not trust his intentions. It made me reflect on the way society is changing. I don't want my kids to live in a world where being nice is the exception. I know that there is so much good in this world. We live in a time where we can reach so many people. The truth is we are closer to one another than we realize. Let's make a difference in the world. Let's teach our children the importance of serving others and the value of small acts of kindness.

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Have I done any good? If not, I have failed indeed.

When Mommy Comes First

Moms are notorious for putting themselves last. As a matter of fact, I am 100% sure that the majority of moms would disregard the warnings by flight attendants on a plane and instinctively place that mask on their kid' face before their own. I am not sure if it is a genetic thing or a cultural thing, but moms rarely do things that benefit them. In fact, no matter how hard they try it seems that the feeling of guilt inevitably takes over.
The timing of this post is deliberate. I wanted to remind moms all over the world that you can do things differently starting 2017! You do not have to feel guilty if you take a little time for yourself, or feel pressured to put your kid's needs above your own at all times. You do not have to spend every last dime on clothes for your children and wear rags that are falling apart. You do not have to put off getting a massage or manicure because your kids want the latest toy or gadget they saw on t.v. NO...NO....NO!!!! Kids these days are spoiled. I am going to spend the rest of this post explaining what I mean.
When was the last time your kids did something for you just because? (Do not count birthdays or holidays.) What kind of example are you showing them? Do they see a woman who is worn out and in desperate need of pampering or some TLC? Or do they see a woman who takes care of her own needs and is happy and emotionally stable? Do they see a mom who is overweight and sick? Or do they see a woman who cares for her body by exercising and eating proper nutrition? Do they see a mom who does everything for them? Or they have a mom who teaches her children to do things for themselves? Do they see a mom who is loved and honored by her husband? Or do they see a mom who is neglected and taken for granted by her husband? Do they see a mom who is spiritually fed by going to a house of worship each Sunday and who reads the scriptures, especially during times of trial? Or do they see a mom who has no hope, no faith, no direction in life?
As we begin a new year, let us all remember that we cannot love another being until we learn how to love ourselves. We should come first. This does not mean that we are to be selfish. It means that we must be prepared to take care of others by first making sure we are taken care of. We are to love others by first loving ourselves. We must respect others by demanding respect. We are to remember the divine worth of others by honoring our own divine worth. This is the only way if we are to reach our full potential. I promise that as we all do this, we will create a generation of adults who will do the same. At the rate we are going, we are creating a generation of children who will become adults who are selfish and greedy. They have not been taught to wait for a reward. They are being taught quick gratification and the need for things to fill voids. We need to fix this quickly! The only way to break the cycle is by setting the example at home, in spite of what they are taught elsewhere.
We only get them for such a short period of time in the grand scheme of things. Before we know it, they are grown. Let us all vow to start now and do our part. The results will be exponential. Let's make it happen!
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The Hand That Rocks the Cradle Is the Hand That Rules the World
-William Ross Wallace
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Oppositional Defiant Disorder (ODD)

ODD is a real thing, in case you were wondering. I remember the first time I heard this diagnosis. I thought the doctors were crazy! How are you supposed to raise a child whose first impulse is to be defiant?!! It is truly beyond discouraging. ODD is defined as a condition where a child or teenager has a frequent and persistent pattern of anger, arguing, or defiance towards parents, adults, or any authoritative figure. Can you imagine the adult that could potentially come out of a child with these qualities? My first thought was, "My child is going to end up in jail!" It is such a horrific thought!
First of all, let me tell you that I have two children who have been given this diagnosis and I have survived. You can too! The most important things to remember are consistency, patience, and love. Consistency is key. You must not give them an inch or they will take a yard. If you change the rules or expectations it will just confuse them. Kids with ODD need structure in their lives. This is especially true when dealing with a child who also has autism.
Having patience is a virtue...believe me, I know! However, you must practice it until you almost perfect it. Your child will try your patience every chance he gets. He will know your triggers by your reaction to their actions. The key thing is to remain calm. If you need to go away to another room and take a time out, that's okay. Whatever you do, do NOT let your child see you lose control! That is one of the hardest things for a parent.
Lastly, love your child every chance you get. If you have a teenager and he likes to spend most of his time in his room, then knock on his door once in a while just to say, "I love you." I tried this as an experiment and it had marvelous results! He actually came out a couple times. Now, he will say, "Love you too." Sometimes he will come out and come spend some time with me in the same room! Imagine that! A mother's (or father's) love is a powerful thing. It can break down walls, can heal a broken heart, and can overcome the most unimaginable obstacle.
The reason I chose this topic at this particular time is because I have seen positive changes in my child who is now 15 years old. I know every child is different, but I just wanted to make sure you had hope. I wanted to share that no matter how hard things seem to be right now, there is light at the end of the tunnel. You do not have to do this alone. Seek help if you feel you need it. Please do not give up! I have spent countless hours on my knees pleading to God, but I have also spent countless hours talking with medical professionals and counsellors. Also remember that you will make mistakes. There is no way around that. You need to just brush it off and learn from those mistakes. That is what makes a good parent. What makes a GREAT parent is one who loves their child unconditionally. All children know when they are loved (even if they do not always show it).

Essential Oils 101

I am always looking for alternatives to medicine. I believe that if you treat the CAUSE of illness and not just the symptom, then you will lead a healthier life. For example, if you have high blood pressure and you are overweight, then losing weight may help you get off blood pressure meds.
I recently discovered that many of my friends and some family are using essential oils. What are essential oils? Essential oils are oils that are extracted from certain plants (leaves, bark, flowers, etc...). They have been used since biblical times! They seem to work, but it is not used in mainstream medicine...yet. Why is that? I think you all know the answer. It always comes down to money.
In the meantime, I see anecdotal evidence that suggests the use of essential oils for almost everything. I decided to dive into the essential oil waters and test it out for myself. I started using lavender at night to help me get to sleep. I put a couple drops into my diffuser and let it run for hours. The first night I used it I noticed an immediate difference. I was able to get to sleep a lot faster. This past week I had the opportunity to spend the week at a summer camp with young women ages 12-18. My cabin had 5 girls who were all 13 years old. The first night they could not settle down. I sprayed my pillow with lavender and I slept like a baby. The following night the girls asked me to spray their pillows. They fell asleep quickly and slept like little angels! It was amazing!
I tested another essential oil on my second to oldest son. He has autism and ADHD. We are currently doing summer reading at the school to help him finish the two books and reports he has to have complete before the first day of school in August. He spent 3 hours at school. When we got home, I put some peppermint in the diffuser and he absolutely loved it! He was able to focus and do almost two more hours of homework! This is an amazing testimony to the efficacy of essential oils! I was so excited that I did not have to give him a booster dose of his medicine.
The more I read about essential oils, the more I realize that I have so much yet to learn. Right now I am getting my oils from a company called DoTerra. This is a company my friend introduced me to. The oils are of a great quality and the price is competitive with other companies out there. One thing to consider when choosing essential oils is the formulary and consistency of the oils. This is very important, especially when using for medicinal purposes. If you are just looking to have something that smells good to put into a diffuser, then any old essential oil blend will do. However, when you get serious about it then you want something that is the real deal.
Do your homework and learn about essential oils. There are so many to choose from! I am excited to use the different ones I have purchased so far. I will continue to update you all on what I learn. This is all so exciting!

If The Halo Fits...

This month has been a difficult one for parents to watch the news. We have had mass shootings, a kid falling into a zoo enclosure with a dangerous animal, and an alligator dragging and killing a two year-old boy at a lagoon in a Disney resort. It is enough to drive any parent insane. However, the real tragedy is the judgment of people on social media about these incidents. As if the parents are not going through hell already, they are being charged with neglect, incompetence, and lack of parenting skills.
First of all, those of us who have children know that it is so easy to lose sight of them no matter how hard you try. Kids can escape your view in a blink of an eye. Secondly, in both situations the parents were actually doing something fun and sacrificing their time and money to make fun happen for their child. Thirdly, how many of us can honestly say we have never made a mistake? Especially when on vacation?
I am sick and tired of parents who think they are perfect. There is no such thing as a perfect parent. All parents are just trying to do their best. These events are just tragic accidents and they should be treated as such. We need to stop being so critical of one another. There is no way we can say, "That would never happen to me." Fact is...you can very well wind up in the headline news over something tomorrow!
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Judge not, lest ye be judged
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