I know many of you have been wondering what is happening with the Omnibus Autism Hearing and if they have made any rulings. They don't like to make things public and so we have basically had to look online to get current information. They only send information pertinent to our case by mail and the last thing we got was a notification that if we want to proceed with our case we need to let them know.
Recently, my husband received an email from a friend about the latest ruling. Evidently they ruled against the first theory of causation saying that there wasn't enough evidence. The first theory had to do with the MMR vaccine causing autism. This is the article my husband forwarded to me:
Officials say 'bad science' links vaccines, autism
Friday, February 13, 2009 4:40 AM EST
The Associated Press
By KEVIN FREKING and LAURAN NEERGAARD Associated Press Writers
WASHINGTON (AP) — Bitter feuding over a possible link between vaccines and autism won't go away despite a strong rejection of that theory by a special federal court.
Thousands of families were hoping to win compensation and vindication through three test cases presented to the court. They contended that a combination of the measles-mumps-rubella vaccine plus other shots triggered autism.
Officials with the U.S. Court of Claims said they sympathized with the families, but there was little if any evidence to support claims of a vaccine-autism link.
The evidence "is weak, contradictory and unpersuasive," concluded Special Master Denise Vowell. "Sadly, the petitioners in this litigation have been the victims of bad science conducted to support litigation rather than to advance medical and scientific understanding" of autism.
Attorneys for the families said an appeal is a distinct possibility. They also noted that the court still must rule on another theory that vaccines once carrying a mercury-containing preservative are to blame.
The head of a consumer group that questions vaccine safety said she still felt there were the possibility of a link.
"I think it is a mistake to conclude that because these few test cases were denied compensation, that it's been decided vaccines don't play any role in regressive autism," said Barbara Loe Fisher, president of the National Vaccine Information Center.
Science years ago concluded there's no connection, but Thursday's rulings in a trio of cases still have far-reaching implications. The move offers reassurance to parents scared about vaccinating their babies because of a small but vocal anti-vaccine movement. Some vaccine-preventable diseases, including measles, are on the rise, and last fall a Minnesota baby who hadn't been vaccinated against meningitis died of that disease.
"We need ongoing research into the causes of autism but cannot let unfounded myths keep us from giving our children the proven protection they need against infectious diseases," said Dr. Joseph Heyman, chairman of the American Medical Association.
More than 5,500 claims have been filed by families seeking compensation through the government's Vaccine Injury Compensation Program. Thursday's rulings dealt with the first three test cases to settle which if any claims had merit — and unlike in civil court, the U.S. Court of Claims doesn't require the families to prove the inoculations definitely played a role, just that they probably did.
"I must decide this case not on sentiment but by analyzing the evidence," said Special Master George Hastings Jr., writing specifically about Michelle Cedillo of Yuma, Ariz., who is disabled with autism, inflammatory bowel disease and other disorders that her parents blame on a measles vaccine given at 15 months.
"Unfortunately, the Cedillos have been misled by physicians who are guilty, in my view, of gross medical misjudgment," Hastings concluded.
Lawyers for the families said they were disappointed.
"There was certainly no scientific proof that vaccines caused autism, but that's not the standard; the standard is likelihood," said Kevin Conway of Boston, who represented the Cedillos. "We thought our evidence was solid."
Autism is best known for impairing a child's ability to communicate and interact. Recent data suggest a tenfold increase in autism rates over the past decade, although it's unclear how much of the surge reflects better diagnosis.
.....................................
Okay... first of all, how can they say that the rest of the 5,000+ families are going to have the same evidence as these three "test cases"? That is ridiculous! What about the Poling Family? They had a ruling in their favor. What if they were one of the 5,000+ families? Would it be fair for them not to be heard? It makes absolutely no sense whatsoever for them to group all the cases into one big lump. It would be the same as saying, "Oh...let's look at three test cases out of 5,500 for reactions to this new drug." I can't believe my eyes. I really can't.
The other factor that I cannot overlook is the fact that in the U.S. Court of Claims, people don't have to prove that the vaccines absolutely caused autism, but that they "probably" did. I don't have to imagine how these families feel because I am one of those families and I feel like I got hit by a huge semi-truck. Our theory of causation has not been ruled on yet, but I can only imagine how it will go. You can't deny all these cases. If you have a perfectly normal, healthy, and vivacious child and you introduce something into their bloodstream and all of a sudden they start to have seizures, lose their ability to communicate, and in some cases go into a "zombie-like" state... then you can't tell me that there is not a correlation of some sort. The best evidence to me is the recovery of some of these individuals. I wish they would focus on that. My child has recovered almost fully and my doctor tried to deny it. If my child was born with something then I would accept it, deal with it, and move on. However, she was born a healthy and normal child.
The last point I want to make is that I am not sure if there will EVER be 100% proof that vaccines cause neurological problems in some kids because there are too many factors involved in the process of proving your case AND too much money available to disprove the theory. Vaccines are a billion dollar industry and encompasses the entire world, not just the United States. I am not sure what the answer is at this point. The numbers of children with neurological problems and developmental delays are rising faster than we can keep up with. If we don't figure out what is happening to our kids then we will end up with future adults who have social deficiencies, lack self-control, are underachievers, can't cope with change, and who have to depend on all of US to support them.
******************************************
Parents just want to know that the vaccine
manufacturers are listening.... and more
importantly, that they care.
******************************************
Wednesday, February 25, 2009
Monday, February 23, 2009
Reading Opens New Worlds
It's amazing seeing your child progress and learn to read. I remember very vividly when my #2 read his first sign from inside the car. We were driving home from church and he looked out his window and pointed and said, "Mom.... what is Hooters?" I totally freaked out!!! First, I was shocked that he could read... then I was horrified at what he might be able to read next.
Every child learns to read in his/her own way. There are things you can do to encourage the "love of reading" but it's ultimately up to them. My oldest is a bookworm and LOVES to read. He reads about a book a day and sometimes he can't wait to finish one before he starts another and so I often find him reading multiple books at one time. I was like that at his age. It's exciting to see him grow and to see his books mature. He loves reading historical fictions about war. (He got that from his dad.) He also loves Harry Potter and other books of that type. I tried reading those and never could get into them. I know... I am definitely in the minority.
My #2 was special in the sense that I actually taught him to read. I had taken him out of public school and decided to home school. I noticed he already had the foundation for reading, but I was the one that helped him put it all together. It was so much fun watching his excitement as he learned to put sounds and words together. His first sentence he wanted to write was "I love mom." That was priceless.
My #3 is in kindergarten and loves to read. She started the year by knowing a few sight words and knowing the sounds of some of the consonants. Now she is learning blends and is able to sound out words that she doesn't know. It has been fun reading books with her because they are all about princesses, or puppies, kittens, anything pink. If the book is pink she is going to read it! Recently, my father-in-law was here visiting and he got the scriptures out and asked Sarah to sit beside him and read some passages. I was shocked when I saw her reading from the scriptures! When she got to a word she didn't know, she asked him and he told her. The next time she saw the word, she remembered it!! Amazing! I had heard of a literacy program that uses the scriptures and thought it was a neat idea. Now I see why it works. I think that where there is a will, you will be blessed. If any of you have problems with literacy you should consider using the scriptures.
My baby is so cute! He is only three and so doesn't read yet. However, he does recognize some letters and loves to count. That is definitely a start. I recently purchased some DVDs that I wanted to share with you because I have seen a difference!!! They are called: "Let's Talk! with Puppy Dog" and I got the ABC's and All About Animals. I wish I would have known about them before now. They are designed for ages infant to 4 years! I have had them for only about 2 months now and he already knows more vocabulary, knows more letters and sounds, AND the best part is that it encourages talking! The DVD will ask questions and he will respond. It's really neat. They say that speech and reading usually correspond and I can see that.
Make sure that you read to your child no matter how old they are. Even if your baby can't talk or respond in words they are absorbing all the information and wiring their brain in ways we will never know. I read to my children at least once a day and perhaps that is why they love reading so much. I don't have as much time to read as I used to for my own pleasure... so I have to take what I can, right? For me it's more than just actually reading... it's a bonding time I have with my kids. I can be silly, funny, and even scary at times. It's fun making up stories and sometimes I do that. My oldest loves it when I take a totally serious book and change the words to make it funny. Since I can't clone myself I have to divide my time among them and usually it's not even. The younger ones demand more time. At least at night they get my undivided attention and it's another way to show them how much they are loved.
********************************
Open your mind to endless
possibilities by reading a book.
********************************
Every child learns to read in his/her own way. There are things you can do to encourage the "love of reading" but it's ultimately up to them. My oldest is a bookworm and LOVES to read. He reads about a book a day and sometimes he can't wait to finish one before he starts another and so I often find him reading multiple books at one time. I was like that at his age. It's exciting to see him grow and to see his books mature. He loves reading historical fictions about war. (He got that from his dad.) He also loves Harry Potter and other books of that type. I tried reading those and never could get into them. I know... I am definitely in the minority.
My #2 was special in the sense that I actually taught him to read. I had taken him out of public school and decided to home school. I noticed he already had the foundation for reading, but I was the one that helped him put it all together. It was so much fun watching his excitement as he learned to put sounds and words together. His first sentence he wanted to write was "I love mom." That was priceless.
My #3 is in kindergarten and loves to read. She started the year by knowing a few sight words and knowing the sounds of some of the consonants. Now she is learning blends and is able to sound out words that she doesn't know. It has been fun reading books with her because they are all about princesses, or puppies, kittens, anything pink. If the book is pink she is going to read it! Recently, my father-in-law was here visiting and he got the scriptures out and asked Sarah to sit beside him and read some passages. I was shocked when I saw her reading from the scriptures! When she got to a word she didn't know, she asked him and he told her. The next time she saw the word, she remembered it!! Amazing! I had heard of a literacy program that uses the scriptures and thought it was a neat idea. Now I see why it works. I think that where there is a will, you will be blessed. If any of you have problems with literacy you should consider using the scriptures.
My baby is so cute! He is only three and so doesn't read yet. However, he does recognize some letters and loves to count. That is definitely a start. I recently purchased some DVDs that I wanted to share with you because I have seen a difference!!! They are called: "Let's Talk! with Puppy Dog" and I got the ABC's and All About Animals. I wish I would have known about them before now. They are designed for ages infant to 4 years! I have had them for only about 2 months now and he already knows more vocabulary, knows more letters and sounds, AND the best part is that it encourages talking! The DVD will ask questions and he will respond. It's really neat. They say that speech and reading usually correspond and I can see that.
Make sure that you read to your child no matter how old they are. Even if your baby can't talk or respond in words they are absorbing all the information and wiring their brain in ways we will never know. I read to my children at least once a day and perhaps that is why they love reading so much. I don't have as much time to read as I used to for my own pleasure... so I have to take what I can, right? For me it's more than just actually reading... it's a bonding time I have with my kids. I can be silly, funny, and even scary at times. It's fun making up stories and sometimes I do that. My oldest loves it when I take a totally serious book and change the words to make it funny. Since I can't clone myself I have to divide my time among them and usually it's not even. The younger ones demand more time. At least at night they get my undivided attention and it's another way to show them how much they are loved.
********************************
Open your mind to endless
possibilities by reading a book.
********************************
Thursday, February 19, 2009
Speech Evaluation Update
I took my #4 to get evaluated at the Speech and Hearing Clinic at a local university today. I was so excited to see his teacher and the director of his preschool there. They had some really good input and insight into his progress and things they have observed. I think because of them, he got a very thorough evaluation. You know... I keep saying this, but I feel like I am surrounded by angels. I kind of questioned my timing and worried that perhaps I had waited too long to get him evaluated, but today proved to me that I did the right thing.
The appointment was at 8:30 am and so my morning was pretty hectic trying to get all the kids ready for school and then hurrying to the clinic to make it to my appointment on time. I was told to be there a few minutes early and so that made it even more challenging since my other three kids have to be at school by 8:00 am. I had to time things just right. My sweet husband and I worked together and he took the other three to school while I went to the appointment. I arrived early and was able to relax while we waited for them to call us in. As soon as the teacher and director arrived we were called in for the meeting. The lady in charge remembered me from my previous visits and she was very warm and accommodating. We had a lot of paperwork to sign and a few things to discuss. Afterward, everyone was excused and my #4 and I stayed for the testing. I was so excited to be present for the testing because I wanted to see first-hand how they did it and how my child did.
The testing was very interesting. Since many of you may never get the opportunity, I thought I would give you some of the highlights. She used a box of toys to do some of the testing. For example, she had a teddy bear and she asked my child to feed the bear and handed him a bowl with a spoon. He did very well. She told him that the bear was thirsty and waited. He kind of looked at her and then took the cup and pretended to give the bear some water. That part of the testing was fun for my child. I have to admit that it was fun for me as well to watch him do so well. He sat there and participated like a little man. I was so proud.
The next part of the testing consisted of having to look at pictures and scenes. She had a flip chart-type book with pictures and she asked different questions about the pictures. For example, there was a page with a bunch of teddy bears and she asked him to point to the red bear, the green bear, etc... There was another page where there were pictures of kids doing different things and she asked him to point to the kid who got hurt, for example. He did very well responding to her questions. However, when she asked questions about gender he did not do very well. He also had difficulty going from one task to another without getting distracted. (I thought that was normal for his age, but they seemed to think it wasn't.)
The last part of the testing consisted of auditory questioning. In other words, my child would have to listen to what was said in order to answer the question correctly. He did not do well on this part of the exam. He would only hear the last part of the question or else would repeat what she said. That is when I noticed a bit of deficiency. I was pleased at his articulation. For the most part, he was understood.
The results were mostly positive. The evaluator said that she saw not problems with articulation. She understood him perfectly. However, she did see deficiencies in language and when she totalled the results he got a score of 62 with average being 100. That basically qualified him for services through the Public School system. They will have a lady come once a week to his preschool and work with him for thirty minutes. That is basically what they did with my daughter and it worked for her. I am confident that since he is definitely more advanced than she was that he will do very well. His paperwork will show that he is "Language Delayed" and they will do further testing in about a year just to make sure that his therapy is working.
I know that if I would have done his testing earlier then he would not have qualified because the cut-off for qualifying is about 70 or 72 on the 100 scale and it would have been more difficult for me to get services. It also helped me to have the director and teacher who have known him for years there. They had a lot of input and answered questions that I could not answer. For example, they wanted to know if he could sit and listen during instruction or "circle time" and they were able to explain that he could. That was something I had not been able to observe. One of the questions that was asked was actually one of the more critical ones... the evaluator asked, "What would help YOU the most?" The teacher answered, "If he could answer my questions and let me know what he wants that would be great." That is going to be our ultimate goal.
Speech Therapy services cost a lot of money and many parents cannot afford it. That is why every parent needs to find out what services are available to them through their Public School System or even their state. Every state is different and every school system differs. However, the key is to get your child tested as soon as you see a delay. You don't want to wait until the child begins school. By then it might be too late. Early intervention is key. These people are trained professionals and they can help your child reach his potential. Don't let it be discouraging. Although it's less than ideal to have a child with a language delay, it doesn't mean that he's not smart or that he won't have a wonderful future ahead of him. As a matter of fact, I know that because of the extra help I will be receiving, my child will excel and possibly surpass all of my expectations. What helped me decide to get my child tested was the Milestone Questionnaire that the school offered the parents. It wasn't until his 36 month checklist that I began to see some delays. If you don't have access to that, there are many resources online. Many pediatricians also offer help with that as well. You don't have to do it alone.
*********************************
The only dumb questions are those
not asked.
*********************************
The appointment was at 8:30 am and so my morning was pretty hectic trying to get all the kids ready for school and then hurrying to the clinic to make it to my appointment on time. I was told to be there a few minutes early and so that made it even more challenging since my other three kids have to be at school by 8:00 am. I had to time things just right. My sweet husband and I worked together and he took the other three to school while I went to the appointment. I arrived early and was able to relax while we waited for them to call us in. As soon as the teacher and director arrived we were called in for the meeting. The lady in charge remembered me from my previous visits and she was very warm and accommodating. We had a lot of paperwork to sign and a few things to discuss. Afterward, everyone was excused and my #4 and I stayed for the testing. I was so excited to be present for the testing because I wanted to see first-hand how they did it and how my child did.
The testing was very interesting. Since many of you may never get the opportunity, I thought I would give you some of the highlights. She used a box of toys to do some of the testing. For example, she had a teddy bear and she asked my child to feed the bear and handed him a bowl with a spoon. He did very well. She told him that the bear was thirsty and waited. He kind of looked at her and then took the cup and pretended to give the bear some water. That part of the testing was fun for my child. I have to admit that it was fun for me as well to watch him do so well. He sat there and participated like a little man. I was so proud.
The next part of the testing consisted of having to look at pictures and scenes. She had a flip chart-type book with pictures and she asked different questions about the pictures. For example, there was a page with a bunch of teddy bears and she asked him to point to the red bear, the green bear, etc... There was another page where there were pictures of kids doing different things and she asked him to point to the kid who got hurt, for example. He did very well responding to her questions. However, when she asked questions about gender he did not do very well. He also had difficulty going from one task to another without getting distracted. (I thought that was normal for his age, but they seemed to think it wasn't.)
The last part of the testing consisted of auditory questioning. In other words, my child would have to listen to what was said in order to answer the question correctly. He did not do well on this part of the exam. He would only hear the last part of the question or else would repeat what she said. That is when I noticed a bit of deficiency. I was pleased at his articulation. For the most part, he was understood.
The results were mostly positive. The evaluator said that she saw not problems with articulation. She understood him perfectly. However, she did see deficiencies in language and when she totalled the results he got a score of 62 with average being 100. That basically qualified him for services through the Public School system. They will have a lady come once a week to his preschool and work with him for thirty minutes. That is basically what they did with my daughter and it worked for her. I am confident that since he is definitely more advanced than she was that he will do very well. His paperwork will show that he is "Language Delayed" and they will do further testing in about a year just to make sure that his therapy is working.
I know that if I would have done his testing earlier then he would not have qualified because the cut-off for qualifying is about 70 or 72 on the 100 scale and it would have been more difficult for me to get services. It also helped me to have the director and teacher who have known him for years there. They had a lot of input and answered questions that I could not answer. For example, they wanted to know if he could sit and listen during instruction or "circle time" and they were able to explain that he could. That was something I had not been able to observe. One of the questions that was asked was actually one of the more critical ones... the evaluator asked, "What would help YOU the most?" The teacher answered, "If he could answer my questions and let me know what he wants that would be great." That is going to be our ultimate goal.
Speech Therapy services cost a lot of money and many parents cannot afford it. That is why every parent needs to find out what services are available to them through their Public School System or even their state. Every state is different and every school system differs. However, the key is to get your child tested as soon as you see a delay. You don't want to wait until the child begins school. By then it might be too late. Early intervention is key. These people are trained professionals and they can help your child reach his potential. Don't let it be discouraging. Although it's less than ideal to have a child with a language delay, it doesn't mean that he's not smart or that he won't have a wonderful future ahead of him. As a matter of fact, I know that because of the extra help I will be receiving, my child will excel and possibly surpass all of my expectations. What helped me decide to get my child tested was the Milestone Questionnaire that the school offered the parents. It wasn't until his 36 month checklist that I began to see some delays. If you don't have access to that, there are many resources online. Many pediatricians also offer help with that as well. You don't have to do it alone.
*********************************
The only dumb questions are those
not asked.
*********************************
Wednesday, February 18, 2009
Talking About the "Birds and the Bees"
Well.....For many parents this is a dreaded conversation and for others it's just another fact of life. I am not exactly sure where the term "Birds and Bees" came from because they have absolutely nothing to do with sex. As a matter of fact, it never came up when my parents discussed it with me. All I have to say is thank goodness for good books.
My children are at the curiosity phase. They are curious about many things, including how things work. Anyways, I had some suggestions for those of you who are struggling with this important topic and how to approach it with different aged children. I have a wide range of ages in my home and so I can definitely offer some advice for the toddler through pre-teen aged. Also, for those of you who may have children with autism (that can get kind of tricky), I have some suggestions.
Let's begin with toddler age. My case is unique in that my toddler doesn't speak a whole lot. He does point and say, "what is that mom?" when he sees me get out of the shower and I am getting dressed. That is pretty much the extent of HIS curiosity. I just tell him what the part is called and that seems to work. The main thing you can teach a toddler is the names of the body parts (whatever you decide to call them) and the difference between boys and girls.
My five year-old is a girl and she has LOTS of questions about babies and "mother's milk" and things like that. I explain it in terms she can understand and tell her that when she gets older her body will look like mine. She knows that her body parts have a purpose and that she looks different than her brothers. She's not very curious about male anatomy since she sees me change her little brother's diaper all the time and I have already answered hundreds of questions regarding why he has a "pee pee" and she doesn't. That was definitely a learning experience for her.
My eight year-old is kind of tricky. He is extremely bright and very curious. He asks me questions about babies and how they are born. When I was pregnant with my #4 he was concerned about how the baby was going to come out. He asked me if my belly was going to pop and if the baby was going to come out my belly-button. I had to explain to him that mommies have a special hole where the baby comes out. He asked me if it was my butt and I explained that it was NOT my butt. I told him that it was a special hole where babies come out and he was satisfied with that. He didn't ask me again. I think sometimes parents freak out because they think that some questions might lead to other questions that they aren't ready to answer. However, it has been my experience that if you just answer the question as simply as you can then it usually satisfies them. If not, then they are ready for more... even if YOU aren't.
My twelve year-old is funny because he is very scientific minded. I remember a few years ago he told me that a baby forms when a sperm fertilizes an egg. I asked him where he had heard that and he said, "You know mom.... when we watched that show on television." I had forgotten that we watched a program on Discovery Channel about the development of a fetus in the womb. I did not realize that he actually paid attention to that. I think the biggest advice I can offer parents is that the sex talk should not be a "one time deal" but rather a life-long lesson. We have had numerous discussions about the topic and I have answered the questions age-appropriately. I think the worst thing you can do is wait until a child is 10 years old, for example, to tell them about sex. If you keep lines of communication open then they are more likely to go to you when they have questions. Last year we had to teach him about what "gay" meant. That was difficult for me because I wanted to remain as neutral about it as possible, but I also wanted to teach him that the lifestyle was wrong. I know he will encounter gay individuals when he gets older and I don't want him to be judgmental. I had to work with numerous gay individuals in my field and I am sure it will be the same for him. We stressed the fact that marriage is intended to be between a man and a woman. It came rather natural to him to stress the fact that it would be gross for two men, for example, to kiss. We agreed and left it at that.
Children with autism don't typically mature at the same rate as their "normal" peers. My eight year-old sometimes will kiss other boys and he doesn't mean anything by it. However, he DOES like girls and that is evident. He has a crush on his teacher at church and he asked me if he could marry her. I had to explain that when he gets older he can marry anyone he wants. He was really excited about that. He has asked me a couple times if he could marry me and I told him that I already was married to his dad, and his dad added that he needed to find someone like me to marry. I thought that was so sweet. The big thing is to remember that it's important to teach what is appropriate and what isn't. You need to do this starting at a very early age and not wait. That is the key. We teach about personal space, appropriate language, and now about kissing others on a daily basis. Some people are nice and understanding, but others are not as understanding. That's the hard part.
I hope this has helped some of you realize that it's not something to dread. I actually enjoy the talks about the "birds and the bees" and I feel it's my duty to teach them. I always try to add some doctrine and stress the fact that it's important to wait until marriage before having that kind of contact with the opposite sex. We have told the kids that kissing is okay but not until you are at least sixteen and have dated for some time. My oldest came home from a Wednesday church meeting the other day with handouts talking about dating and proper etiquette. He's only twelve but he's already establishing the foundation for future relationships. That was a wonderful opportunity for me to sit down and ask him about what he had learned. I know that things will only get more complicated as he gets older, but for now I really enjoy the discussions about the future. I often tell my children that my biggest wish for them is for them to find someone like I found... their best friend who they can spend all time and eternity with. That is every parent's wish.
***************************
Don't delay....start today.
***************************
My children are at the curiosity phase. They are curious about many things, including how things work. Anyways, I had some suggestions for those of you who are struggling with this important topic and how to approach it with different aged children. I have a wide range of ages in my home and so I can definitely offer some advice for the toddler through pre-teen aged. Also, for those of you who may have children with autism (that can get kind of tricky), I have some suggestions.
Let's begin with toddler age. My case is unique in that my toddler doesn't speak a whole lot. He does point and say, "what is that mom?" when he sees me get out of the shower and I am getting dressed. That is pretty much the extent of HIS curiosity. I just tell him what the part is called and that seems to work. The main thing you can teach a toddler is the names of the body parts (whatever you decide to call them) and the difference between boys and girls.
My five year-old is a girl and she has LOTS of questions about babies and "mother's milk" and things like that. I explain it in terms she can understand and tell her that when she gets older her body will look like mine. She knows that her body parts have a purpose and that she looks different than her brothers. She's not very curious about male anatomy since she sees me change her little brother's diaper all the time and I have already answered hundreds of questions regarding why he has a "pee pee" and she doesn't. That was definitely a learning experience for her.
My eight year-old is kind of tricky. He is extremely bright and very curious. He asks me questions about babies and how they are born. When I was pregnant with my #4 he was concerned about how the baby was going to come out. He asked me if my belly was going to pop and if the baby was going to come out my belly-button. I had to explain to him that mommies have a special hole where the baby comes out. He asked me if it was my butt and I explained that it was NOT my butt. I told him that it was a special hole where babies come out and he was satisfied with that. He didn't ask me again. I think sometimes parents freak out because they think that some questions might lead to other questions that they aren't ready to answer. However, it has been my experience that if you just answer the question as simply as you can then it usually satisfies them. If not, then they are ready for more... even if YOU aren't.
My twelve year-old is funny because he is very scientific minded. I remember a few years ago he told me that a baby forms when a sperm fertilizes an egg. I asked him where he had heard that and he said, "You know mom.... when we watched that show on television." I had forgotten that we watched a program on Discovery Channel about the development of a fetus in the womb. I did not realize that he actually paid attention to that. I think the biggest advice I can offer parents is that the sex talk should not be a "one time deal" but rather a life-long lesson. We have had numerous discussions about the topic and I have answered the questions age-appropriately. I think the worst thing you can do is wait until a child is 10 years old, for example, to tell them about sex. If you keep lines of communication open then they are more likely to go to you when they have questions. Last year we had to teach him about what "gay" meant. That was difficult for me because I wanted to remain as neutral about it as possible, but I also wanted to teach him that the lifestyle was wrong. I know he will encounter gay individuals when he gets older and I don't want him to be judgmental. I had to work with numerous gay individuals in my field and I am sure it will be the same for him. We stressed the fact that marriage is intended to be between a man and a woman. It came rather natural to him to stress the fact that it would be gross for two men, for example, to kiss. We agreed and left it at that.
Children with autism don't typically mature at the same rate as their "normal" peers. My eight year-old sometimes will kiss other boys and he doesn't mean anything by it. However, he DOES like girls and that is evident. He has a crush on his teacher at church and he asked me if he could marry her. I had to explain that when he gets older he can marry anyone he wants. He was really excited about that. He has asked me a couple times if he could marry me and I told him that I already was married to his dad, and his dad added that he needed to find someone like me to marry. I thought that was so sweet. The big thing is to remember that it's important to teach what is appropriate and what isn't. You need to do this starting at a very early age and not wait. That is the key. We teach about personal space, appropriate language, and now about kissing others on a daily basis. Some people are nice and understanding, but others are not as understanding. That's the hard part.
I hope this has helped some of you realize that it's not something to dread. I actually enjoy the talks about the "birds and the bees" and I feel it's my duty to teach them. I always try to add some doctrine and stress the fact that it's important to wait until marriage before having that kind of contact with the opposite sex. We have told the kids that kissing is okay but not until you are at least sixteen and have dated for some time. My oldest came home from a Wednesday church meeting the other day with handouts talking about dating and proper etiquette. He's only twelve but he's already establishing the foundation for future relationships. That was a wonderful opportunity for me to sit down and ask him about what he had learned. I know that things will only get more complicated as he gets older, but for now I really enjoy the discussions about the future. I often tell my children that my biggest wish for them is for them to find someone like I found... their best friend who they can spend all time and eternity with. That is every parent's wish.
***************************
Don't delay....start today.
***************************
Wednesday, February 11, 2009
My Teachers..... My Heroes!
Today I had the pleasure of experiencing what it was like to be a teacher at the special school my oldest two attend. Let me tell you.... it was definitely eye-opening and very humbling, to say the least. I was only there for less than two hours and it seemed like an entire day. I was so tired when I left. It wasn't a physical fatigue but rather an emotional or psychological one.
This week was Teacher Appreciation Week and every day the teachers were surprised with different things such as fruit, flowers, and candy. However, today was the highlight of their week. As a surprise, the school rented a limo for them to ride to Olive Garden for lunch. They left the school at 11:30 and were to return by 2:00pm. You should have seen the look on their faces when they were escorted out of their classrooms, one by one, to the front of the school onto a red carpet leading to the limo. I heard one teacher yell out, "NO..WAY! NO...WAY!" when she saw what was happening. It was truly priceless! I got a sneak inside the limo and it was so nice! I was so excited for them and I could see the excitement on their faces as well.
These teachers work so hard and dedicate so much of their time towards educating these special kids. They are with these kids at school from 8:00am until past 3:00pm five days a week. I don't know how they do it. The class that I watched was the eleven and twelve year-olds. They were all very sweet, but a few had issues. One child could not stand the noise and had to leave and "walk the halls" and another child asked for a "stress ball" to help relieve some of the tension he had. It was neat to see how they understood and were able to deal with their issues. However, I can only imagine what it must be like during instructional time. I was only there to basically "babysit" and so it was definitely a lot different.
I used this chance to observe the class and see them interact with one another. My son was in that class and so I took the opportunity to observe him as well. I could tell that the kids liked my son. They kept bragging about how smart he was and how he was now in the "Algebra book". I didn't know that they had tested him and he made a 100% on his pretest for "Pre-Algebra", and so they moved him up to the next book. I could tell he was so proud. I was so proud of him too. The biggest difference I have noticed in my son this year is his self-confidence. He sure needed the boost after last year! In my opinion, that alone is worth the tuition I pay.
Many of the kids in this school are diagnosed in the autism spectrum. I could definitely see the OCD come out in some of the kids. That is a common problem with autism. They knew their normal schedule and routine and it was hard explaining to some that it was different today. Before the teacher left, she gave me specific instructions on who was allowed to do what and the times for lunch, etc... That was very helpful because the kids tried to get me to let them eat lunch an hour earlier than they were supposed to. One thing I like about the school is that they allow them to have snack in the mid-morning and that is so good for them. Not only does it give them a chance to relax and rest their minds a bit, it also helps with sugar levels. I just know how grumpy I get when I am the least bit hungry.
I am so glad I had this opportunity. I was so excited to be a part of the celebration and see the faces of the sweet teachers who were truly surprised. I also enjoyed getting to know the children that my oldest spends the day with at school. I could tell that they are very supportive of one another. It shows in the excitement of seeing one of their peers progress in math, for example. That was very sweet to see. I am not sure what I would do without this school. I wish that everyone had the pleasure of having such a gem in their town.
This experience has taught me so much. I have a greater appreciation for what these teachers do on a daily basis. I also realize how much patience it takes to do what they do. The children are wonderful and I am sure it has to be rewarding most of the time, but I can't imagine not getting a break. I bet they look forward to those holidays and off days. Next time you get the opportunity, let those special teachers you have the privilege of meeting know how much they are appreciated. They have one of the most important jobs in the world, but rarely get the credit they deserve. I am just thankful for wonderful teachers!
************************************
Give a man a fish and you feed
him for a day.
Teach a man to fish and you feed
him for a lifetime. -Chinese Proverb
************************************
This week was Teacher Appreciation Week and every day the teachers were surprised with different things such as fruit, flowers, and candy. However, today was the highlight of their week. As a surprise, the school rented a limo for them to ride to Olive Garden for lunch. They left the school at 11:30 and were to return by 2:00pm. You should have seen the look on their faces when they were escorted out of their classrooms, one by one, to the front of the school onto a red carpet leading to the limo. I heard one teacher yell out, "NO..WAY! NO...WAY!" when she saw what was happening. It was truly priceless! I got a sneak inside the limo and it was so nice! I was so excited for them and I could see the excitement on their faces as well.
These teachers work so hard and dedicate so much of their time towards educating these special kids. They are with these kids at school from 8:00am until past 3:00pm five days a week. I don't know how they do it. The class that I watched was the eleven and twelve year-olds. They were all very sweet, but a few had issues. One child could not stand the noise and had to leave and "walk the halls" and another child asked for a "stress ball" to help relieve some of the tension he had. It was neat to see how they understood and were able to deal with their issues. However, I can only imagine what it must be like during instructional time. I was only there to basically "babysit" and so it was definitely a lot different.
I used this chance to observe the class and see them interact with one another. My son was in that class and so I took the opportunity to observe him as well. I could tell that the kids liked my son. They kept bragging about how smart he was and how he was now in the "Algebra book". I didn't know that they had tested him and he made a 100% on his pretest for "Pre-Algebra", and so they moved him up to the next book. I could tell he was so proud. I was so proud of him too. The biggest difference I have noticed in my son this year is his self-confidence. He sure needed the boost after last year! In my opinion, that alone is worth the tuition I pay.
Many of the kids in this school are diagnosed in the autism spectrum. I could definitely see the OCD come out in some of the kids. That is a common problem with autism. They knew their normal schedule and routine and it was hard explaining to some that it was different today. Before the teacher left, she gave me specific instructions on who was allowed to do what and the times for lunch, etc... That was very helpful because the kids tried to get me to let them eat lunch an hour earlier than they were supposed to. One thing I like about the school is that they allow them to have snack in the mid-morning and that is so good for them. Not only does it give them a chance to relax and rest their minds a bit, it also helps with sugar levels. I just know how grumpy I get when I am the least bit hungry.
I am so glad I had this opportunity. I was so excited to be a part of the celebration and see the faces of the sweet teachers who were truly surprised. I also enjoyed getting to know the children that my oldest spends the day with at school. I could tell that they are very supportive of one another. It shows in the excitement of seeing one of their peers progress in math, for example. That was very sweet to see. I am not sure what I would do without this school. I wish that everyone had the pleasure of having such a gem in their town.
This experience has taught me so much. I have a greater appreciation for what these teachers do on a daily basis. I also realize how much patience it takes to do what they do. The children are wonderful and I am sure it has to be rewarding most of the time, but I can't imagine not getting a break. I bet they look forward to those holidays and off days. Next time you get the opportunity, let those special teachers you have the privilege of meeting know how much they are appreciated. They have one of the most important jobs in the world, but rarely get the credit they deserve. I am just thankful for wonderful teachers!
************************************
Give a man a fish and you feed
him for a day.
Teach a man to fish and you feed
him for a lifetime. -Chinese Proverb
************************************
Saturday, February 7, 2009
Public vs. Private School
This is a continuation of my last post. Since I've had experience with numerous private schools and public schools I wanted to share some of what I learned. I also thought this could be a good "guide" of sorts for those trying to decide between public versus private school. (Disclaimer: I live in "the South" and so things might be a little different down here.)
The first thing to consider is that EVERY CHILD IS DIFFERENT. You might have a horrible experience with one child in a school and then breeze through a year with the next. A good example is my #2 and my daughter. At our elementary school my son had a horrible experience in kindergarten and we ended up pulling him out and homeschooling. However, with my daughter she has had the best year. She is doing great academically and socially. Her teacher is truly a dream come true. The parents are involved and help out tremendously. I feel like I got a private school education for free.
Are private schools better than public? I have been asked this numerous times since my children have attended both. It all depends. Private schools are privately funded.... which means they don't receive the same help public schools do. Therefore, many private schools don't offer things like sports, clubs, scholarship programs, enrichment classes such as Foreign Language,Gifted enrichment programs, and many other things. My son went to a private school in first grade and I was so excited to find out that they offered Spanish. Well... that was short-lived because almost halfway through the year they had to drop the program because the one teacher they had quit, and they couldn't afford to pay another teacher. They also struggled trying to get the books they neededed for the library. That was a shocker for me. Another factor to consider is that many private schools don't have cafeterias. Instead they have catered food from fast-food restaurants and so you either end up paying a lot for lunches or else you have to send it with your child. That leads me to the next point. Private schools cost money! Some of them are extremely expensive and that's just the tuition. You also have fees, uniforms, etc.... On the other side of the coin, it has been my experience that teachers at private schools are generally paid less and so you know they WANT to be there. Usually the classes are smaller and so you get more one-on-one attention for your child. If there is a child who is a "problem" then the school can easily get rid of him/her versus a public school where they have to jump through hoops to get rid of problem children. Private schools typically are maintained and the environment is more conducive to learning. Lastly, if you are not happy with something it's easier to get things resolved. You don't have to worry about a corrupt bureaucracy. They want to keep people there and so they are more likely to listen to a parent's concerns.
Is the curriculum better at a private school versus public? Not always. Again, it all depends on the school. We have a friend whose child went to the most prestigious private school in our area and then decided to transfer to a Magnet High School her second year and she struggled. She had to have tutors and barely passed some of her classes. She was surprised to find out how far behind she was. There are so many factors to consider. First, the amount of students in the class makes a huge difference. Public schools tend to have more students and that has to be harder on the teachers. Private schools don't have to accept EVERY student and they can limit the class size. That is a big plus. Secondly, public schools have to integrate learning disabled children in their classes, whereas private schools do not. This makes it a little easier for teachers since they don't have to worry about teaching children in such a broad spectrum. Lastly, since the class sizes are smaller in the private school setting, the teacher might be able to spot problems earlier on and be able to offer help when needed. It is less likely for a child to fall through the cracks.
The biggest mistake a parent can make when trying to choose the right school for their child is not to check the school out in person and relying ONLY on another parent's opinion. Since every child is different, it only makes sense that every experience will be different. The best time to visit a school is between 10:00am and 12:00noon. You are more likely to find staff that is available to answer questions and you will be able to observe the classes during instruction. The mornings are usually chaotic since the kids are arriving and they haven't settled into their classes. I personally like to visit at least twice before forming an opinion. Some suggestions: observe the teachers and their tone, observe the children and the class size, ask specific questions about their curriculum, don't assume that you will see or "feel" anything wrong, and lastly, speak to other parents whose children attend the school. I remember that when I was checking out Magnet schools for my oldest, one of my friends suggested I accompany her while she went to have lunch with her daughter who attended a particular Magnet school I was considering. The kids were well-behaved and the environment was clean. However, when I walked into the lunchroom and saw all the rules on the walls and how they weren't even allowed to talk during lunch...that helped me make the decision that this particular school was not right for my child.
Choosing the right school for your child is probably one of the hardest decisions you will have to make. For some, there is no choice. I have friends who can't afford private school and they make it work. The one thing you have to remember is that school is what you make it. No matter where you child goes to school, if you are an involved parent and support the teacher then your child is going to excel. When my child went to public school and I realized he was not being challenged I gave him extra work at home. They were fun workbooks and he enjoyed it. That was my way of ensuring that he maintained his love for learning. I have continued to do that with all my children. Another suggestion I have is not to get hung up on academics alone. It's important for a child to be a well-rounded individual. They need play time and social interactions. You need to help provide those opportunities for you children. Lastly, ask yourself if you truly know your child? Do you know what his/her strengths and weaknesses are? That will be crucial when helping your child choose classes, extra-curricular activities, and eventually a career path. I know that ultimately it's the child's decision, but I believe that it's our job to help steer them in the right path.
*************************************
We are shut up in schools and college
recitation rooms for ten or fifteen
years, and come out at last with a
bellyful of words and do not know
a thing.
Ralph Waldo Emerson (1803-82)
U.S. essayist and poet.
*************************************
The first thing to consider is that EVERY CHILD IS DIFFERENT. You might have a horrible experience with one child in a school and then breeze through a year with the next. A good example is my #2 and my daughter. At our elementary school my son had a horrible experience in kindergarten and we ended up pulling him out and homeschooling. However, with my daughter she has had the best year. She is doing great academically and socially. Her teacher is truly a dream come true. The parents are involved and help out tremendously. I feel like I got a private school education for free.
Are private schools better than public? I have been asked this numerous times since my children have attended both. It all depends. Private schools are privately funded.... which means they don't receive the same help public schools do. Therefore, many private schools don't offer things like sports, clubs, scholarship programs, enrichment classes such as Foreign Language,Gifted enrichment programs, and many other things. My son went to a private school in first grade and I was so excited to find out that they offered Spanish. Well... that was short-lived because almost halfway through the year they had to drop the program because the one teacher they had quit, and they couldn't afford to pay another teacher. They also struggled trying to get the books they neededed for the library. That was a shocker for me. Another factor to consider is that many private schools don't have cafeterias. Instead they have catered food from fast-food restaurants and so you either end up paying a lot for lunches or else you have to send it with your child. That leads me to the next point. Private schools cost money! Some of them are extremely expensive and that's just the tuition. You also have fees, uniforms, etc.... On the other side of the coin, it has been my experience that teachers at private schools are generally paid less and so you know they WANT to be there. Usually the classes are smaller and so you get more one-on-one attention for your child. If there is a child who is a "problem" then the school can easily get rid of him/her versus a public school where they have to jump through hoops to get rid of problem children. Private schools typically are maintained and the environment is more conducive to learning. Lastly, if you are not happy with something it's easier to get things resolved. You don't have to worry about a corrupt bureaucracy. They want to keep people there and so they are more likely to listen to a parent's concerns.
Is the curriculum better at a private school versus public? Not always. Again, it all depends on the school. We have a friend whose child went to the most prestigious private school in our area and then decided to transfer to a Magnet High School her second year and she struggled. She had to have tutors and barely passed some of her classes. She was surprised to find out how far behind she was. There are so many factors to consider. First, the amount of students in the class makes a huge difference. Public schools tend to have more students and that has to be harder on the teachers. Private schools don't have to accept EVERY student and they can limit the class size. That is a big plus. Secondly, public schools have to integrate learning disabled children in their classes, whereas private schools do not. This makes it a little easier for teachers since they don't have to worry about teaching children in such a broad spectrum. Lastly, since the class sizes are smaller in the private school setting, the teacher might be able to spot problems earlier on and be able to offer help when needed. It is less likely for a child to fall through the cracks.
The biggest mistake a parent can make when trying to choose the right school for their child is not to check the school out in person and relying ONLY on another parent's opinion. Since every child is different, it only makes sense that every experience will be different. The best time to visit a school is between 10:00am and 12:00noon. You are more likely to find staff that is available to answer questions and you will be able to observe the classes during instruction. The mornings are usually chaotic since the kids are arriving and they haven't settled into their classes. I personally like to visit at least twice before forming an opinion. Some suggestions: observe the teachers and their tone, observe the children and the class size, ask specific questions about their curriculum, don't assume that you will see or "feel" anything wrong, and lastly, speak to other parents whose children attend the school. I remember that when I was checking out Magnet schools for my oldest, one of my friends suggested I accompany her while she went to have lunch with her daughter who attended a particular Magnet school I was considering. The kids were well-behaved and the environment was clean. However, when I walked into the lunchroom and saw all the rules on the walls and how they weren't even allowed to talk during lunch...that helped me make the decision that this particular school was not right for my child.
Choosing the right school for your child is probably one of the hardest decisions you will have to make. For some, there is no choice. I have friends who can't afford private school and they make it work. The one thing you have to remember is that school is what you make it. No matter where you child goes to school, if you are an involved parent and support the teacher then your child is going to excel. When my child went to public school and I realized he was not being challenged I gave him extra work at home. They were fun workbooks and he enjoyed it. That was my way of ensuring that he maintained his love for learning. I have continued to do that with all my children. Another suggestion I have is not to get hung up on academics alone. It's important for a child to be a well-rounded individual. They need play time and social interactions. You need to help provide those opportunities for you children. Lastly, ask yourself if you truly know your child? Do you know what his/her strengths and weaknesses are? That will be crucial when helping your child choose classes, extra-curricular activities, and eventually a career path. I know that ultimately it's the child's decision, but I believe that it's our job to help steer them in the right path.
*************************************
We are shut up in schools and college
recitation rooms for ten or fifteen
years, and come out at last with a
bellyful of words and do not know
a thing.
Ralph Waldo Emerson (1803-82)
U.S. essayist and poet.
*************************************
Thursday, February 5, 2009
What's Happening to Our Middle Schools?
I was prompted once again to post my thoughts about a particular topic. This time I want to talk about Middle Schools and the problems my friends and I have encountered. It doesn't matter if you have a child who is different or one who fits the "mold"...it seems bullying is an issue. It's not a district problem... I believe it's a nation-wide problem and something needs to be done.
When I went to Middle School it was a bit challenging because you are starting to learn who you are and figuring out where your place is. Cliques begin to form and groups are organized. It seems that if you don't find a place soon then you end up alone. That was pretty much the worst of it.. and I agree that in itself is challenging enough. NOW...on top of those things, kids have to worry about drugs, violence, weapons such as guns, extreme bullying (Internet and at school), profanity, sex, and much more. It's almost like a rite of passage and that's the way it's treated at the faculty level. The administration does not take things as seriously as they should. Instead they go overboard when a child brings their cellphones or ipods to school. There needs to be a good middle ground.
My oldest attended a magnet school for middle school. For those of you who are not familiar with what that means, it is basically a school that offers advanced curriculum in certain subjects. They have academic magnets as well as ones for the arts. My son loves math and science so we chose the one that we felt was best suited for him. We initially felt lucky to be accepted because they did not have very many spots open. They receive hundreds of applications and only a handful are chosen. Little did we know that we would have the worst year we have ever experienced.
My son had to endure bullying, pushing, and teasing. After just a couple months I noticed he was not as happy. Then something happened... he made a friend. They were like two peas in a pod. I was so happy for him. However, this was short-lived when one day he came home and said that something was really bothering him and he didn't know what to do. He explained that every day he had to look at this sign outside the courtyard where the basketball hoops were for P.E. and it had lots of profanity written all over it. He also told me that there was profanity on the back of the bathroom stalls as well. The thing that bothered him the most was that he had told teachers and even the vice-principal, but nothing was done about it. I almost couldn't believe it. I believed the profanity was there, but I couldn't believe that the faculty could ignore such a thing. I went to the school and spoke to the vice-principal, but she didn't take it seriously. She told me that there was nothing she could do about the sign because it wasn't school property and then proceeded to tell me that if they painted the bathroom stalls, the profanity would just return. I suggested they paint the back of the stalls in black and then took it upon myself to take care of the sign. That very same day I walked over to the community center and told the manager there. Within seconds, she had a maintenance guy clean it up. That was when I realized that I was dealing with something that went beyond the normal.
My son also confided in me that he was being bullied at P.E. Since he was about two years younger than the kids, he did not like to dress-out in front of the much older children. I found out later that he was also having to change in front of boys who were seventh graders and he was only in sixth grade! That meant that the boys were actually three years older than him!! That bothered me a lot. The other thing that was happening was they were also physically bothering him. He told me of an incident where they bumped into him while he was trying to urinate and they almost made him pee on himself. He told the coach and he didn't believe him. He was so worried that these group of boys would hurt him. The incidents were getting more and more violent. The last incident was when a boy hit his head with a glass bottle. Unfortunately, my son retaliated and therefore got suspended from school. However, I was so proud of him for standing up for himself. I think anyone would have fought back under those circumstances. I was even more proud of him for keeping his grades up in spite of all the zeros he received from being absent for two days!
Standards and morals have reached a point that I can't even understand. I am not sure if it's the television and media influence, or if parents are just not doing their job... or a combination of both? The truth is that there is no respect for property, teachers, or peers in a middle school setting. For those of you who have small children, be prepared. I had heard about how bad it was, but it's not until you live it that you realize how bad it truly is. The sad part is that most of the kids who are bullied are the ones who come from loving and stable homes. The bullies prey on these children. When I realized that it was happening to my son, I quickly went online to see what I could do to help him. I found an invaluable source of information and support. These are just a couple of sites I recently found:
http://www.education.com/topic/school-bullying-teasing/?cid=55000.0067843004&s_kwcid=middle%20school%20bullying|2750575915&gclid=CIKczqCQx5gCFQRkswodI08D1A
http://www.loveourchildrenusa.org/bullylaws.php
I found out that Alabama was among the states WITHOUT an anti-bullying law. I thought that was insane. There is really not much a parent can do legally to fight bullying. However, I did find out that although there are no anti-bullying laws, there are things you can do. The first thing I did was call the superintendent's office and told them about what was going on. I wrote a letter so there would be documentation. It was amazing how fast they took things seriously once I had someone come to the school from the superintendent's office. I also requested that my son see the guidance counselor once a week and report to her. I wanted my son to know that he had someone on his side. The last thing I did was since his P.E. class was the last period of the day, I would periodically check him out early from school. I did this especially the last few weeks of school because I knew that the boys would be more wired during that time and the teachers would be less likely to notice or do anything about it. We finished out the school year. Needless to say, we did not return the following year.
There are a few questions you need to ask yourself if you suspect bullying:
1) Have you noticed any changes in behavior and/or mood?
2) Have you noticed any changes in grades or conduct at school?
3) Does he have any unexplained bruises or cuts?
4) Is he/she suddenly wetting the bed?
If you say "yes" to any of these questions then it's worth checking it out. Have a good conversation with your child. Being bullied is not just a physical thing. It affects a child's self-esteem, thought process, being able to concentrate, and can cause depression in some children. It's important to let your child know that you love him and that it's okay to come to you when something occurs. You might want to give him some ammunition such as possible come-backs and strategies to defuse the situation. Role-playing helped my son gain the confidence he needed to use these tools. We also purchased a really good book and had him read it. There are numerous resources out there. I advice you to do your research.
The last advice I could give someone dealing with bullying is try to fight the urge to pull your child out immediately. That might not be the best solution. You don't want your child to think it's his fault or that you don't have faith in him to handle the situation. Of course, it's up to you as a parent to make that determination. Every situation is different and sometimes taking the child out immediately is what needs to happen. I knew someone at the same school who pulled their daughter out immediately after she was punched in the stomach by another kid between classes at the lockers. They didn't want their daughter exposed any more to that type of abuse and definitely thought it wasn't the right environment for her. They ended up placing her in a private school.
The big issue in the area I live at is that most parents end up giving up. Some parents just choose to put their child in a private school and don't want to even hassle with the public school setting. I can't say I blame them. There are some wonderful private schools in the area and if you can afford it... why not? However, I am in the mindset that my tax dollars pay for these public schools and I am determined to make it work. I refuse to pay for private school when I have a perfectly fine elementary school across the street from my subdivision. I think a school is what you make of it. I am very involved and try to help the teachers as much as I can. It should be a team effort. I can't understand how some parents just don't care. They send their child to school and expect the school to teach them manners, respect for others, and basically babysit for the day while they are at work. That is part of the problem.
I pray that none of you reading this have to go through what I did in Middle School. I know there are many wonderful schools out there and not everyone has such an awful experience. In the end, it all begins in the home. If parents would just teach their children the basic principles of Christianity such as "love one another" and that they are "a child of God" then things would be so different. Too bad they had to take prayer out of schools. Schools could definitely use prayer right about now.
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It takes a village to raise a child.
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When I went to Middle School it was a bit challenging because you are starting to learn who you are and figuring out where your place is. Cliques begin to form and groups are organized. It seems that if you don't find a place soon then you end up alone. That was pretty much the worst of it.. and I agree that in itself is challenging enough. NOW...on top of those things, kids have to worry about drugs, violence, weapons such as guns, extreme bullying (Internet and at school), profanity, sex, and much more. It's almost like a rite of passage and that's the way it's treated at the faculty level. The administration does not take things as seriously as they should. Instead they go overboard when a child brings their cellphones or ipods to school. There needs to be a good middle ground.
My oldest attended a magnet school for middle school. For those of you who are not familiar with what that means, it is basically a school that offers advanced curriculum in certain subjects. They have academic magnets as well as ones for the arts. My son loves math and science so we chose the one that we felt was best suited for him. We initially felt lucky to be accepted because they did not have very many spots open. They receive hundreds of applications and only a handful are chosen. Little did we know that we would have the worst year we have ever experienced.
My son had to endure bullying, pushing, and teasing. After just a couple months I noticed he was not as happy. Then something happened... he made a friend. They were like two peas in a pod. I was so happy for him. However, this was short-lived when one day he came home and said that something was really bothering him and he didn't know what to do. He explained that every day he had to look at this sign outside the courtyard where the basketball hoops were for P.E. and it had lots of profanity written all over it. He also told me that there was profanity on the back of the bathroom stalls as well. The thing that bothered him the most was that he had told teachers and even the vice-principal, but nothing was done about it. I almost couldn't believe it. I believed the profanity was there, but I couldn't believe that the faculty could ignore such a thing. I went to the school and spoke to the vice-principal, but she didn't take it seriously. She told me that there was nothing she could do about the sign because it wasn't school property and then proceeded to tell me that if they painted the bathroom stalls, the profanity would just return. I suggested they paint the back of the stalls in black and then took it upon myself to take care of the sign. That very same day I walked over to the community center and told the manager there. Within seconds, she had a maintenance guy clean it up. That was when I realized that I was dealing with something that went beyond the normal.
My son also confided in me that he was being bullied at P.E. Since he was about two years younger than the kids, he did not like to dress-out in front of the much older children. I found out later that he was also having to change in front of boys who were seventh graders and he was only in sixth grade! That meant that the boys were actually three years older than him!! That bothered me a lot. The other thing that was happening was they were also physically bothering him. He told me of an incident where they bumped into him while he was trying to urinate and they almost made him pee on himself. He told the coach and he didn't believe him. He was so worried that these group of boys would hurt him. The incidents were getting more and more violent. The last incident was when a boy hit his head with a glass bottle. Unfortunately, my son retaliated and therefore got suspended from school. However, I was so proud of him for standing up for himself. I think anyone would have fought back under those circumstances. I was even more proud of him for keeping his grades up in spite of all the zeros he received from being absent for two days!
Standards and morals have reached a point that I can't even understand. I am not sure if it's the television and media influence, or if parents are just not doing their job... or a combination of both? The truth is that there is no respect for property, teachers, or peers in a middle school setting. For those of you who have small children, be prepared. I had heard about how bad it was, but it's not until you live it that you realize how bad it truly is. The sad part is that most of the kids who are bullied are the ones who come from loving and stable homes. The bullies prey on these children. When I realized that it was happening to my son, I quickly went online to see what I could do to help him. I found an invaluable source of information and support. These are just a couple of sites I recently found:
http://www.education.com/topic/school-bullying-teasing/?cid=55000.0067843004&s_kwcid=middle%20school%20bullying|2750575915&gclid=CIKczqCQx5gCFQRkswodI08D1A
http://www.loveourchildrenusa.org/bullylaws.php
I found out that Alabama was among the states WITHOUT an anti-bullying law. I thought that was insane. There is really not much a parent can do legally to fight bullying. However, I did find out that although there are no anti-bullying laws, there are things you can do. The first thing I did was call the superintendent's office and told them about what was going on. I wrote a letter so there would be documentation. It was amazing how fast they took things seriously once I had someone come to the school from the superintendent's office. I also requested that my son see the guidance counselor once a week and report to her. I wanted my son to know that he had someone on his side. The last thing I did was since his P.E. class was the last period of the day, I would periodically check him out early from school. I did this especially the last few weeks of school because I knew that the boys would be more wired during that time and the teachers would be less likely to notice or do anything about it. We finished out the school year. Needless to say, we did not return the following year.
There are a few questions you need to ask yourself if you suspect bullying:
1) Have you noticed any changes in behavior and/or mood?
2) Have you noticed any changes in grades or conduct at school?
3) Does he have any unexplained bruises or cuts?
4) Is he/she suddenly wetting the bed?
If you say "yes" to any of these questions then it's worth checking it out. Have a good conversation with your child. Being bullied is not just a physical thing. It affects a child's self-esteem, thought process, being able to concentrate, and can cause depression in some children. It's important to let your child know that you love him and that it's okay to come to you when something occurs. You might want to give him some ammunition such as possible come-backs and strategies to defuse the situation. Role-playing helped my son gain the confidence he needed to use these tools. We also purchased a really good book and had him read it. There are numerous resources out there. I advice you to do your research.
The last advice I could give someone dealing with bullying is try to fight the urge to pull your child out immediately. That might not be the best solution. You don't want your child to think it's his fault or that you don't have faith in him to handle the situation. Of course, it's up to you as a parent to make that determination. Every situation is different and sometimes taking the child out immediately is what needs to happen. I knew someone at the same school who pulled their daughter out immediately after she was punched in the stomach by another kid between classes at the lockers. They didn't want their daughter exposed any more to that type of abuse and definitely thought it wasn't the right environment for her. They ended up placing her in a private school.
The big issue in the area I live at is that most parents end up giving up. Some parents just choose to put their child in a private school and don't want to even hassle with the public school setting. I can't say I blame them. There are some wonderful private schools in the area and if you can afford it... why not? However, I am in the mindset that my tax dollars pay for these public schools and I am determined to make it work. I refuse to pay for private school when I have a perfectly fine elementary school across the street from my subdivision. I think a school is what you make of it. I am very involved and try to help the teachers as much as I can. It should be a team effort. I can't understand how some parents just don't care. They send their child to school and expect the school to teach them manners, respect for others, and basically babysit for the day while they are at work. That is part of the problem.
I pray that none of you reading this have to go through what I did in Middle School. I know there are many wonderful schools out there and not everyone has such an awful experience. In the end, it all begins in the home. If parents would just teach their children the basic principles of Christianity such as "love one another" and that they are "a child of God" then things would be so different. Too bad they had to take prayer out of schools. Schools could definitely use prayer right about now.
************************************
It takes a village to raise a child.
************************************
Sunday, February 1, 2009
What a Wonderful World
You know that song, "What a Wonderful World"? It's one of my favorites. When I am having one of those days, I like to play it on my piano and think of the words. It usually makes me feel better. Well... today was actually one of those days that are mentioned in the song. I was determined to have a good day and to be spiritually uplifted. I began my day with prayer and tried to keep that spirit with me throughout the day. I think that when you begin the day right, even if there are a few bumps along the way, they don't seem as significant. This post is meant to open your eyes to some of Heavenly Father's beautiful blessings that often go unnoticed.
Sunday mornings are usually pretty hectic in our household of four kids. My husband has church duties that require him to go to church much earlier than we do, and so I am left alone to get everyone ready. Today was different. I asked my children to get ready and they did. There was no fuss about what they were to wear and no mention of lost shoes and/or socks. The only one I had to help get dressed was my three-year old. I helped my daughter brush her hair. For breakfast, I made scrambled eggs and toast. They all ate without any problems. All four of my children sat at the breakfast table and ate their breakfast quietly while I went to my room and got ready. It was nice being able to get dressed and put on my make-up without any little ones at my feet.
I asked the children to get in the car, and there was no fuss about where they were going to sit. There is usually negotiations that take place over who will sit in front. However, I reminded them that it was my #2's turn to sit in front and they were content with that. (He's the one with PDD and you can count on him to keep track of those things.) I had my oldest get my baby in the car seat while I gathered up my bag and purse. (It helped that I prepared my church bag the night before with snacks, books, and misc. items to entertain them during sacrament meeting.) We left the house in plenty of time to get to church on time.
The next obstacle was my most dreaded one.... sacrament meeting. It's an hour long and reverence is the issue. We had a few Family Home Evening lessons on reverence and I was wondering how long it would take before it took. Well... today I saw the fruits of our labors. My oldest, who is a deacon, helped pass the sacrament and also bore his testimony. I was so proud of him. My #2 asked if he could sit with his Primary teacher and he did. He was reverent the entire hour! My daughter is usually good, and she did not disappoint me. Lastly, my baby was not only reverent but sat still during most of the meeting. "Is this what heaven feels like?" I thought to myself. It was an overwhelming feeling of peace and love. I just wanted to wrap my arms around all of my kids and never let go of this moment.
Primary was a challenge for me because I had no voice due to laryngitis and so I had to come up with ways of doing singing time without straining or using my voice. I was blessed to have friends who helped me talk. I whispered what I wanted to say and they in turn "translated" for me. The kids looked at me like they didn't know what to think. However, they had a lot of fun and they sang like I haven't heard them sing in a long time. I am so thankful for our wonderful pianist. Without her, I am not sure if I could have pulled it off. She is truly a blessing.
After Primary we had an incident occur with one of the kids. He was horse playing with an older child and ended up getting tossed onto the ground. He hit his head not once, but TWICE! It was a freak accident, but it scared his mom to death because he actually blanked out and was unresponsive for a few seconds. They seemed like an eternity to her, I am sure. It was so neat to see how everyone handled the situation. We were blessed to have a nurse who happens to be the Primary president there. She was able to make an initial assessment and calm the situation. Within seconds, priesthood came and eventually they were able to give him a blessing. It was as if this child was surrounded by angels. I witnessed a true miracle today. In the end he was okay. He was taken to a doctor and they performed all the necessary tests. Other than a very scary moment, he was unharmed. I am sure that one day he will look back on this experience and have a stronger testimony of the blessings that come with the power of the Priesthood. What a blessing to know that your Father in Heaven has given you a father on earth to do that work.
On the ride home, I noticed that the sky was so blue today. The weather was a little cooler than I would have liked, but it wasn't chilly. We got home safely and without too much noise. Of course, the first thing the kids wanted was food. I opened up the fridge and found JUST the right amount of left-overs to feed all four of them. I used the microwave and lunch was ready in minutes. We had a good variety and so no one complained.
The day ended as peacefully as it began. We tucked the children in bed and there was no fuss. No one tried to get out of their bed and wake others up. As I sit here now they are all asleep in their own bed. I wonder if they had as good a day as I did? My husband is watching the Super Bowl, and I am doing what I love most... writing. I sure wish I had more days like this. However, I am reminded of the fact that you can't have joy without sorrow. You can't appreciate good without the bad. You have to experience pain to enjoy pleasure. This is the way it is supposed to be. I am just thankful for this beautiful day and that I was able to appreciate it.
*******************************************
Ecclesiastes III (King James Version):
3:1 To every thing there is a season, and
a time to every purpose under the heaven
*******************************************
Sunday mornings are usually pretty hectic in our household of four kids. My husband has church duties that require him to go to church much earlier than we do, and so I am left alone to get everyone ready. Today was different. I asked my children to get ready and they did. There was no fuss about what they were to wear and no mention of lost shoes and/or socks. The only one I had to help get dressed was my three-year old. I helped my daughter brush her hair. For breakfast, I made scrambled eggs and toast. They all ate without any problems. All four of my children sat at the breakfast table and ate their breakfast quietly while I went to my room and got ready. It was nice being able to get dressed and put on my make-up without any little ones at my feet.
I asked the children to get in the car, and there was no fuss about where they were going to sit. There is usually negotiations that take place over who will sit in front. However, I reminded them that it was my #2's turn to sit in front and they were content with that. (He's the one with PDD and you can count on him to keep track of those things.) I had my oldest get my baby in the car seat while I gathered up my bag and purse. (It helped that I prepared my church bag the night before with snacks, books, and misc. items to entertain them during sacrament meeting.) We left the house in plenty of time to get to church on time.
The next obstacle was my most dreaded one.... sacrament meeting. It's an hour long and reverence is the issue. We had a few Family Home Evening lessons on reverence and I was wondering how long it would take before it took. Well... today I saw the fruits of our labors. My oldest, who is a deacon, helped pass the sacrament and also bore his testimony. I was so proud of him. My #2 asked if he could sit with his Primary teacher and he did. He was reverent the entire hour! My daughter is usually good, and she did not disappoint me. Lastly, my baby was not only reverent but sat still during most of the meeting. "Is this what heaven feels like?" I thought to myself. It was an overwhelming feeling of peace and love. I just wanted to wrap my arms around all of my kids and never let go of this moment.
Primary was a challenge for me because I had no voice due to laryngitis and so I had to come up with ways of doing singing time without straining or using my voice. I was blessed to have friends who helped me talk. I whispered what I wanted to say and they in turn "translated" for me. The kids looked at me like they didn't know what to think. However, they had a lot of fun and they sang like I haven't heard them sing in a long time. I am so thankful for our wonderful pianist. Without her, I am not sure if I could have pulled it off. She is truly a blessing.
After Primary we had an incident occur with one of the kids. He was horse playing with an older child and ended up getting tossed onto the ground. He hit his head not once, but TWICE! It was a freak accident, but it scared his mom to death because he actually blanked out and was unresponsive for a few seconds. They seemed like an eternity to her, I am sure. It was so neat to see how everyone handled the situation. We were blessed to have a nurse who happens to be the Primary president there. She was able to make an initial assessment and calm the situation. Within seconds, priesthood came and eventually they were able to give him a blessing. It was as if this child was surrounded by angels. I witnessed a true miracle today. In the end he was okay. He was taken to a doctor and they performed all the necessary tests. Other than a very scary moment, he was unharmed. I am sure that one day he will look back on this experience and have a stronger testimony of the blessings that come with the power of the Priesthood. What a blessing to know that your Father in Heaven has given you a father on earth to do that work.
On the ride home, I noticed that the sky was so blue today. The weather was a little cooler than I would have liked, but it wasn't chilly. We got home safely and without too much noise. Of course, the first thing the kids wanted was food. I opened up the fridge and found JUST the right amount of left-overs to feed all four of them. I used the microwave and lunch was ready in minutes. We had a good variety and so no one complained.
The day ended as peacefully as it began. We tucked the children in bed and there was no fuss. No one tried to get out of their bed and wake others up. As I sit here now they are all asleep in their own bed. I wonder if they had as good a day as I did? My husband is watching the Super Bowl, and I am doing what I love most... writing. I sure wish I had more days like this. However, I am reminded of the fact that you can't have joy without sorrow. You can't appreciate good without the bad. You have to experience pain to enjoy pleasure. This is the way it is supposed to be. I am just thankful for this beautiful day and that I was able to appreciate it.
*******************************************
Ecclesiastes III (King James Version):
3:1 To every thing there is a season, and
a time to every purpose under the heaven
*******************************************
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