When Mommy Comes First

Moms are notorious for putting themselves last. As a matter of fact, I am 100% sure that the majority of moms would disregard the warnings by flight attendants on a plane and instinctively place that mask on their kid' face before their own. I am not sure if it is a genetic thing or a cultural thing, but moms rarely do things that benefit them. In fact, no matter how hard they try it seems that the feeling of guilt inevitably takes over.
The timing of this post is deliberate. I wanted to remind moms all over the world that you can do things differently starting 2017! You do not have to feel guilty if you take a little time for yourself, or feel pressured to put your kid's needs above your own at all times. You do not have to spend every last dime on clothes for your children and wear rags that are falling apart. You do not have to put off getting a massage or manicure because your kids want the latest toy or gadget they saw on t.v. NO...NO....NO!!!! Kids these days are spoiled. I am going to spend the rest of this post explaining what I mean.
When was the last time your kids did something for you just because? (Do not count birthdays or holidays.) What kind of example are you showing them? Do they see a woman who is worn out and in desperate need of pampering or some TLC? Or do they see a woman who takes care of her own needs and is happy and emotionally stable? Do they see a mom who is overweight and sick? Or do they see a woman who cares for her body by exercising and eating proper nutrition? Do they see a mom who does everything for them? Or they have a mom who teaches her children to do things for themselves? Do they see a mom who is loved and honored by her husband? Or do they see a mom who is neglected and taken for granted by her husband? Do they see a mom who is spiritually fed by going to a house of worship each Sunday and who reads the scriptures, especially during times of trial? Or do they see a mom who has no hope, no faith, no direction in life?
As we begin a new year, let us all remember that we cannot love another being until we learn how to love ourselves. We should come first. This does not mean that we are to be selfish. It means that we must be prepared to take care of others by first making sure we are taken care of. We are to love others by first loving ourselves. We must respect others by demanding respect. We are to remember the divine worth of others by honoring our own divine worth. This is the only way if we are to reach our full potential. I promise that as we all do this, we will create a generation of adults who will do the same. At the rate we are going, we are creating a generation of children who will become adults who are selfish and greedy. They have not been taught to wait for a reward. They are being taught quick gratification and the need for things to fill voids. We need to fix this quickly! The only way to break the cycle is by setting the example at home, in spite of what they are taught elsewhere.
We only get them for such a short period of time in the grand scheme of things. Before we know it, they are grown. Let us all vow to start now and do our part. The results will be exponential. Let's make it happen!
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The Hand That Rocks the Cradle Is the Hand That Rules the World
-William Ross Wallace
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Oppositional Defiant Disorder (ODD)

ODD is a real thing, in case you were wondering. I remember the first time I heard this diagnosis. I thought the doctors were crazy! How are you supposed to raise a child whose first impulse is to be defiant?!! It is truly beyond discouraging. ODD is defined as a condition where a child or teenager has a frequent and persistent pattern of anger, arguing, or defiance towards parents, adults, or any authoritative figure. Can you imagine the adult that could potentially come out of a child with these qualities? My first thought was, "My child is going to end up in jail!" It is such a horrific thought!
First of all, let me tell you that I have two children who have been given this diagnosis and I have survived. You can too! The most important things to remember are consistency, patience, and love. Consistency is key. You must not give them an inch or they will take a yard. If you change the rules or expectations it will just confuse them. Kids with ODD need structure in their lives. This is especially true when dealing with a child who also has autism.
Having patience is a virtue...believe me, I know! However, you must practice it until you almost perfect it. Your child will try your patience every chance he gets. He will know your triggers by your reaction to their actions. The key thing is to remain calm. If you need to go away to another room and take a time out, that's okay. Whatever you do, do NOT let your child see you lose control! That is one of the hardest things for a parent.
Lastly, love your child every chance you get. If you have a teenager and he likes to spend most of his time in his room, then knock on his door once in a while just to say, "I love you." I tried this as an experiment and it had marvelous results! He actually came out a couple times. Now, he will say, "Love you too." Sometimes he will come out and come spend some time with me in the same room! Imagine that! A mother's (or father's) love is a powerful thing. It can break down walls, can heal a broken heart, and can overcome the most unimaginable obstacle.
The reason I chose this topic at this particular time is because I have seen positive changes in my child who is now 15 years old. I know every child is different, but I just wanted to make sure you had hope. I wanted to share that no matter how hard things seem to be right now, there is light at the end of the tunnel. You do not have to do this alone. Seek help if you feel you need it. Please do not give up! I have spent countless hours on my knees pleading to God, but I have also spent countless hours talking with medical professionals and counsellors. Also remember that you will make mistakes. There is no way around that. You need to just brush it off and learn from those mistakes. That is what makes a good parent. What makes a GREAT parent is one who loves their child unconditionally. All children know when they are loved (even if they do not always show it).

Essential Oils 101

I am always looking for alternatives to medicine. I believe that if you treat the CAUSE of illness and not just the symptom, then you will lead a healthier life. For example, if you have high blood pressure and you are overweight, then losing weight may help you get off blood pressure meds.
I recently discovered that many of my friends and some family are using essential oils. What are essential oils? Essential oils are oils that are extracted from certain plants (leaves, bark, flowers, etc...). They have been used since biblical times! They seem to work, but it is not used in mainstream medicine...yet. Why is that? I think you all know the answer. It always comes down to money.
In the meantime, I see anecdotal evidence that suggests the use of essential oils for almost everything. I decided to dive into the essential oil waters and test it out for myself. I started using lavender at night to help me get to sleep. I put a couple drops into my diffuser and let it run for hours. The first night I used it I noticed an immediate difference. I was able to get to sleep a lot faster. This past week I had the opportunity to spend the week at a summer camp with young women ages 12-18. My cabin had 5 girls who were all 13 years old. The first night they could not settle down. I sprayed my pillow with lavender and I slept like a baby. The following night the girls asked me to spray their pillows. They fell asleep quickly and slept like little angels! It was amazing!
I tested another essential oil on my second to oldest son. He has autism and ADHD. We are currently doing summer reading at the school to help him finish the two books and reports he has to have complete before the first day of school in August. He spent 3 hours at school. When we got home, I put some peppermint in the diffuser and he absolutely loved it! He was able to focus and do almost two more hours of homework! This is an amazing testimony to the efficacy of essential oils! I was so excited that I did not have to give him a booster dose of his medicine.
The more I read about essential oils, the more I realize that I have so much yet to learn. Right now I am getting my oils from a company called DoTerra. This is a company my friend introduced me to. The oils are of a great quality and the price is competitive with other companies out there. One thing to consider when choosing essential oils is the formulary and consistency of the oils. This is very important, especially when using for medicinal purposes. If you are just looking to have something that smells good to put into a diffuser, then any old essential oil blend will do. However, when you get serious about it then you want something that is the real deal.
Do your homework and learn about essential oils. There are so many to choose from! I am excited to use the different ones I have purchased so far. I will continue to update you all on what I learn. This is all so exciting!

If The Halo Fits...

This month has been a difficult one for parents to watch the news. We have had mass shootings, a kid falling into a zoo enclosure with a dangerous animal, and an alligator dragging and killing a two year-old boy at a lagoon in a Disney resort. It is enough to drive any parent insane. However, the real tragedy is the judgment of people on social media about these incidents. As if the parents are not going through hell already, they are being charged with neglect, incompetence, and lack of parenting skills.
First of all, those of us who have children know that it is so easy to lose sight of them no matter how hard you try. Kids can escape your view in a blink of an eye. Secondly, in both situations the parents were actually doing something fun and sacrificing their time and money to make fun happen for their child. Thirdly, how many of us can honestly say we have never made a mistake? Especially when on vacation?
I am sick and tired of parents who think they are perfect. There is no such thing as a perfect parent. All parents are just trying to do their best. These events are just tragic accidents and they should be treated as such. We need to stop being so critical of one another. There is no way we can say, "That would never happen to me." Fact is...you can very well wind up in the headline news over something tomorrow!
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Judge not, lest ye be judged
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New Beginnings

Don't you just love new beginnings? The chance to start a new adventure has always fascinated me. However, sometimes change can be so hard, and not knowing what lies ahead can be scary. The other day I was reminiscing about my childhood and all of the adventures I faced as a child. I wish my children would have had the opportunity to move around like I did. I know this is going to sound cruel, but I also wish they could have faced some of the obstacles I faced. They made me who I am and taught me to be a stronger and better person.
When life throws curveballs at you, it's hard to see beyond the moment. It is almost impossible to see the endless possibilities. That has been my life for many years. I was thrown a few curveballs with my children. I was thrown a few more with my health. I have been thrown another one in recent days. It will be okay. Things usually work out.
I want to challenge everyone to take a closer look at your life. Is there anything you can change for the better? If so, don't hesitate. Start now! What is keeping you from reaching that goal? I recently started a new chapter in my life and I am so exited! It is a lifestyle change that I hope to continue for the rest of my life. I will be posting more information about that soon!

The Joys of Adolescence

Although children do not come with an instruction manual, I am convinced that when they reach a certain age there must be a secret book that they read while parents are asleep or something cause inevitably they start to behave alike! This is the case with adolescence. The magic number seems to be 12. They think they know more than you and want to be independent. However, they still want to leave the lights on at night and be reassured you are there when they get home from school. It is kind of sweet if you think about it. They still need you...they just don't want to admit it.
My daughter who has Wilson's Disease is at that age right now. One of my biggest challenges at the moment seems to be getting her to take her medication. All of a sudden she doesn't want to be compliant! Her meds are expensive!! That is why it really bothers me when I see pills lying on the table or counter hours after I give them to her to take. Of course that is not the only thing that bugs me. The fact is that these meds are what keeps her healthy. Without them she could potentially have liver failure. She would most definitely get sick. However, at this age most kids feel invincible. There is nothing that can happen to them. Thank goodness for parents. Right?
I have been doing my job well...probably too well. She hasn't felt the pain associated with having a diseased liver. In her mind she cannot comprehend getting sick. I have to admit that sometimes I forget too. Days go by and I realize that she has not taken her meds. The one time I usually get vigilant is probably about the time she is due for her checkup at the Children's Hospital with her GI and Liver Specialists. It is a yearly reminder for all our family of that elephant in the room.
If any of you reading this are having issues with your adolescent or pre-adolescent then please know you are not alone. Our grandparents went through it. Our parents went through it. We are going through it, and our children will definitely go through it with their own kids. It is a rite of passage for us just as much as them. They say attitude is everything. Let us find joy in the journey.

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If you look hard enough, there is joy
to be found in everything...including
trials.
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