Are you a movie star or model? Are you going to be in a reality show? Is a government agency that could potentially take away your children going to visit your home? If you answered "no" to all these questions then I want you to consider the fact that NOBODY CARES if you are not a size 2. NOBODY CARES if your home is not immaculate. NOBODY CARES if your children's room is untidy. The fact is that moms are too hard on themselves. Moms need to prioritize and value their time. Time is so precious. It comes and goes, and there is no way to get it back.
Now that school is starting back, I just wanted to remind everyone to chill and stop being so hard on yourself. You are human...perhaps you have ambitions to be that "Supermom" that everyone raves about. However, at what expense? Keep realistic goals for yourself. Make sure to take time out for yourself. Only then can you be there for everyone else.
Thursday, August 13, 2015
Tuesday, June 16, 2015
The Summer Challenge
Summer is a time many families look forward to. However, it can bring about so many challenges for families with children who have autism. The biggest challenge is structure...or lack thereof. Children on the spectrum need structure. They get anxious when they have no idea what is happening from day to day or hour to hour. Camps are usually out of the question, unless they are designed for children with special needs. Summer programs can be costly. Finding children for get togethers or play dates can also be difficult. What do you do?
Here is some food for thought followed by a list of ideas that I have personally tried and found successful:
1) Plan way ahead of summer. You do not want to wait until summer to figure out what is offered in your area.
2) Think outside the box...or even your city. It is worth a thirty minute drive or more for your child to receive something you don't have locally.
3) Ask your friends or anyone you know for ideas.
4) Try to find out what your child is interested in and is good at by exposing your child to a variety of things. You might be surprised.
5) Try to be flexible. Do not overfill the calendar.
These are specific ideas broken down by age/maturity level:
Preschool: If you are a parent of a preschool child then consider continuing preschool through their summer program if it is offered. Although summers tend to be less structured, they still have consistency and that is key! Get together with other parents and try to do something weekly such as meeting at the park, pool, or going to fast food indoor playgrounds. Take turns meeting at different homes to provide social opportunities for you and your child. This is a fun age. Remember that they get excited about the smallest things as long as YOU are excited! Tell your child that you are going on a scavenger hunt and print off a list of items that you two can find while on a nature walk or a hike. Take notice of the things you see along the way and talk about them. Another idea is doing a backyard "safari". Get magnifying glasses and see how many creatures and wildlife you can find in your own backyard! Pinterest has some awesome ideas. I saw one where you get a large plastic tub and fill it with toys and then with water. Freeze it. Then take it outside and do an archeological "dig" to get to the toys inside the ice! Kids this age just LOVE sidewalk chalk.
Elementary: Kids are now a little more self aware. It might be harder to keep them occupied. You need to get some teaching resources to maintain their level in reading, math, and writing. Try to give them learning opportunities. Check your local library for Summer Reading programs or other special programs they may offer. Visit some historical sites or museums in your area. Take a tour at a local factory or other company that offers them. Invite friends over for a lunch/ dinner and a movie. Make cupcakes or pizzas with your child. Let your child do the measuring of ingredients by following a recipe. Play their favorite board game or just design your own. Science experiments using household items are a huge hit! Google for more ideas.
Teens: This is a challenging age. Going to the pool saved me during these years. However, on a rainy day you are stuck. If your child is a reader then you are set! Since they are a little more independent this age can also be so much fun. Whatever you do, do NOT call a get-together with a friend a "play date"! Ever! Go to a movie. Take advantage of Summer matinee deals around your area. Go bowling. Plan outdoor adventures such as a trip to the lake, canoeing, camping (when weather is mild). This doesn't sound like fun, but give them chores with rewards. This will save YOU in the long run. Plus, accountability is key to rewards and fun.
Hopefully this gave you some ideas and food for thought. Every child is different and so is every parent. There is no right or wrong. There is only what works for you. If it works, then it is right.
Here is some food for thought followed by a list of ideas that I have personally tried and found successful:
1) Plan way ahead of summer. You do not want to wait until summer to figure out what is offered in your area.
2) Think outside the box...or even your city. It is worth a thirty minute drive or more for your child to receive something you don't have locally.
3) Ask your friends or anyone you know for ideas.
4) Try to find out what your child is interested in and is good at by exposing your child to a variety of things. You might be surprised.
5) Try to be flexible. Do not overfill the calendar.
These are specific ideas broken down by age/maturity level:
Preschool: If you are a parent of a preschool child then consider continuing preschool through their summer program if it is offered. Although summers tend to be less structured, they still have consistency and that is key! Get together with other parents and try to do something weekly such as meeting at the park, pool, or going to fast food indoor playgrounds. Take turns meeting at different homes to provide social opportunities for you and your child. This is a fun age. Remember that they get excited about the smallest things as long as YOU are excited! Tell your child that you are going on a scavenger hunt and print off a list of items that you two can find while on a nature walk or a hike. Take notice of the things you see along the way and talk about them. Another idea is doing a backyard "safari". Get magnifying glasses and see how many creatures and wildlife you can find in your own backyard! Pinterest has some awesome ideas. I saw one where you get a large plastic tub and fill it with toys and then with water. Freeze it. Then take it outside and do an archeological "dig" to get to the toys inside the ice! Kids this age just LOVE sidewalk chalk.
Elementary: Kids are now a little more self aware. It might be harder to keep them occupied. You need to get some teaching resources to maintain their level in reading, math, and writing. Try to give them learning opportunities. Check your local library for Summer Reading programs or other special programs they may offer. Visit some historical sites or museums in your area. Take a tour at a local factory or other company that offers them. Invite friends over for a lunch/ dinner and a movie. Make cupcakes or pizzas with your child. Let your child do the measuring of ingredients by following a recipe. Play their favorite board game or just design your own. Science experiments using household items are a huge hit! Google for more ideas.
Teens: This is a challenging age. Going to the pool saved me during these years. However, on a rainy day you are stuck. If your child is a reader then you are set! Since they are a little more independent this age can also be so much fun. Whatever you do, do NOT call a get-together with a friend a "play date"! Ever! Go to a movie. Take advantage of Summer matinee deals around your area. Go bowling. Plan outdoor adventures such as a trip to the lake, canoeing, camping (when weather is mild). This doesn't sound like fun, but give them chores with rewards. This will save YOU in the long run. Plus, accountability is key to rewards and fun.
Hopefully this gave you some ideas and food for thought. Every child is different and so is every parent. There is no right or wrong. There is only what works for you. If it works, then it is right.
Friday, February 13, 2015
Parenthood
I have recently discovered the series Parenthood. I am definitely hooked! For those of you who have never watched it, I will give you a short synopsis: it is about a single mom who decides to move back with her parents to get her kids, who are teens, out of a bad situation and get a fresh start. The plot unfolds as you are introduced to her three other siblings and their families. One of her brothers has a son with Asperger's....that is where I got hooked! The series does an extremely good job of showing what it is like to find out about the diagnosis and the roller coaster of emotions parents go through. The other thing the writers and producers do a great job with is the way the extended family and friends deal with this unique situation. I finished watching Season 1 on Netflix. I am excited to watch more. The characters and episodes are heartwarming and very relatable.
Watching this show has unleashed many emotions and memories. It has given me time to reflect on past events dealing with my own children. Each of them are so unique. It is no wonder I feel so inadequate. It was like starting all over again with each one. What worked for one did not necessarily work for any of the others. If only they came with instruction manuals! Right? That would make things so much easier. The one thing I could rely on was my support network of friends. I relied a lot on them back then. It was mainly knowing that I wasn't alone. There were also times when we just needed to feel "normal". The only way to achieve this was to surround ourselves with people who were going through the same thing.
I am not going to lie. There were times when I cried so much that my eyes would swell up. There were times when I felt despair. There were times when all I could do was curl up in bed and sleep the day away. One thing you learn as a parent of special needs is to take it one day at a time. I learned to celebrate the little things. I still do.
It is sad to know that Parenthood is over. I always hate to see the ending of something good. However, the reality is that it lives on in the lives of every parent who is still struggling and fighting for their child. I want to thank the writers of this series for showing a glimpse of what it is like for us. I think they did such a good job portraying what it is like to have autism. The character Max was real. He wasn't exaggerated to make a point. His tantrums, OCD, and other quirks were showed in a very real way...sometimes it hit home a little too well.
*****************************************************
Being a parent is the hardest job you will ever have,
but the one with the greatest rewards.
*****************************************************
Watching this show has unleashed many emotions and memories. It has given me time to reflect on past events dealing with my own children. Each of them are so unique. It is no wonder I feel so inadequate. It was like starting all over again with each one. What worked for one did not necessarily work for any of the others. If only they came with instruction manuals! Right? That would make things so much easier. The one thing I could rely on was my support network of friends. I relied a lot on them back then. It was mainly knowing that I wasn't alone. There were also times when we just needed to feel "normal". The only way to achieve this was to surround ourselves with people who were going through the same thing.
I am not going to lie. There were times when I cried so much that my eyes would swell up. There were times when I felt despair. There were times when all I could do was curl up in bed and sleep the day away. One thing you learn as a parent of special needs is to take it one day at a time. I learned to celebrate the little things. I still do.
It is sad to know that Parenthood is over. I always hate to see the ending of something good. However, the reality is that it lives on in the lives of every parent who is still struggling and fighting for their child. I want to thank the writers of this series for showing a glimpse of what it is like for us. I think they did such a good job portraying what it is like to have autism. The character Max was real. He wasn't exaggerated to make a point. His tantrums, OCD, and other quirks were showed in a very real way...sometimes it hit home a little too well.
*****************************************************
Being a parent is the hardest job you will ever have,
but the one with the greatest rewards.
*****************************************************
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