I felt the need to write this post after speaking to a few friends in recent months. It seems like mothers have so much on their plate sometimes that they feel overwhelmed and alone. I want to set the record straight. There is no such thing as the perfect mother. We ALL make mistakes. It's completely NORMAL to feel inadequate and depressed at times. It's also okay to cry. I think crying can be very therapeutic. It's not a good idea to keep feelings bottled up because sooner or later, they will explode out! Acknowledge your feelings and share them with those closest to you.
I'm not a psychologist or psychiatrist, but I've dealt enough with them to know that most of the time what people need is a listening ear. That is the best therapy in the world. I am blessed to have my mother and my bestest friends who I can call and share those feelings with. They don't judge me and they listen without feeling like they have to have a solution. Most of the time there is no solution. The problems I face have been around since the beginning of time and I know that I will one day look back and realize they were not as critical as I thought. I can already see things getting easier in areas I thought would never improve. Of course, that doesn't mean I don't have days I literally cry myself to sleep. However, it helps knowing how far we've come.
Please know that in the grand scheme of things what's important is what you have taught your children. They have their free agency to choose for themselves the path their lives take. It's our role to provide them with options. It's our duty to love them unconditionally and to guide them. Beyond that, it's not important what others think or if your child doesn't fit that "mold" that society has created. Don't give up on yourself or your children. Cry a little and laugh a little...that's what will keep you sane.
Sunday, May 15, 2011
Tuesday, April 26, 2011
Meeting Temple Grandin was Grand!
I had the opportunity of meeting one of my heroes. Her name is Temple Grandin. People who have autism or live in that world know that name very well. She is an advocate, educator, and a true inspiration! HBO had a special movie entitled, "Thinking in Pictures" which was based on her book. It was amazing. Her life story is one of hope and determination.
She was a guest speaker at Auburn University main campus and I found out about it through a friend. I went with a group of ladies who all have children in the autism spectrum. We had a blast! The experience of just driving there and talking candidly about autism was an experience in itself. When we arrived, the place was already packed with people. We didn't have a seat to sit on, so we found a spot on the ground. We sat alongside many college students who were there to hear her speak about livestock science.
When Temple came out, everyone stood and clapped. It was a warm welcome. She spoke right away about her autism and gave a brief history of her past. She then talked about how animals think and correlated it to autism and how people with autism think. I thought her presentation was very informative. However, beyond that I feel that her spirit and enthusiasm was contagious. She joked around a few times and I appreciated her dry sense of humor at times. Her appearance was exactly what I expected. She was wearing her western long-sleeved shirt with matching pants and buckle. She had some good visuals while she talked to explain some of the concepts. I think you could hear a pin drop while she spoke. It was all very interesting.
When she concluded her talk, she opened the floor for questions. There were questions about autism and livestock. Someone asked her about medication. She admitted that she took medication for anxiety and that it was sometimes helpful for people with autism. She explained that there is a lot of stimulus in the environment that we take for granted. For example, she mentioned how hallogen lights are the worst thing in school. She said the buzzing alone is enough to drive someone mad. She also touched on the subject of dyslexia. I thought she gave some very useful advice on the topic. She mentioned that changing the screen color to pink, for example, can help.
She answered questions for a great amount of time and then they announced that she would be staying to visit with everyone. My group was so excited! One of our ladies had brought a book for her to sign and she was hoping she'd have the opportunity.
Temple stayed for over an hour signing autographs, taking pictures, and even answering MORE questions. I thought she was wonderful. We found out she had given talk that morning and that she'd be back the next morning. However, she didn't mind staying at all. At her age I thought it was quite impressive.
I got my picture taken with her and we also got a group picture. Once I figure out how to post pics, I will do it. I think meeting Temple will always hold a special place in my heart. It was more than meeting someone I admired and looked up to. It was also a moment where I felt a connection with so many people I didn't even know. It felt like I was in the midst of family and friends. That is something that is truly priceless. I will never forget that day.
She was a guest speaker at Auburn University main campus and I found out about it through a friend. I went with a group of ladies who all have children in the autism spectrum. We had a blast! The experience of just driving there and talking candidly about autism was an experience in itself. When we arrived, the place was already packed with people. We didn't have a seat to sit on, so we found a spot on the ground. We sat alongside many college students who were there to hear her speak about livestock science.
When Temple came out, everyone stood and clapped. It was a warm welcome. She spoke right away about her autism and gave a brief history of her past. She then talked about how animals think and correlated it to autism and how people with autism think. I thought her presentation was very informative. However, beyond that I feel that her spirit and enthusiasm was contagious. She joked around a few times and I appreciated her dry sense of humor at times. Her appearance was exactly what I expected. She was wearing her western long-sleeved shirt with matching pants and buckle. She had some good visuals while she talked to explain some of the concepts. I think you could hear a pin drop while she spoke. It was all very interesting.
When she concluded her talk, she opened the floor for questions. There were questions about autism and livestock. Someone asked her about medication. She admitted that she took medication for anxiety and that it was sometimes helpful for people with autism. She explained that there is a lot of stimulus in the environment that we take for granted. For example, she mentioned how hallogen lights are the worst thing in school. She said the buzzing alone is enough to drive someone mad. She also touched on the subject of dyslexia. I thought she gave some very useful advice on the topic. She mentioned that changing the screen color to pink, for example, can help.
She answered questions for a great amount of time and then they announced that she would be staying to visit with everyone. My group was so excited! One of our ladies had brought a book for her to sign and she was hoping she'd have the opportunity.
Temple stayed for over an hour signing autographs, taking pictures, and even answering MORE questions. I thought she was wonderful. We found out she had given talk that morning and that she'd be back the next morning. However, she didn't mind staying at all. At her age I thought it was quite impressive.
I got my picture taken with her and we also got a group picture. Once I figure out how to post pics, I will do it. I think meeting Temple will always hold a special place in my heart. It was more than meeting someone I admired and looked up to. It was also a moment where I felt a connection with so many people I didn't even know. It felt like I was in the midst of family and friends. That is something that is truly priceless. I will never forget that day.
Saturday, February 19, 2011
When Things Don't Go As Planned
When you have a child in "the spectrum" one thing is always certain: uncertainty! You never know what is going to happen. A parent can plan ahead, try with all their might, even say a prayer...but some things are just out of our control. That is why it's so important to remain flexible and open-minded.
Today my child had a pinewood derby with the scouts and I did everything I could to make sure it would be an enjoyable time. I made sure he took his medication an hour beforehand. I made sure he ate a good high protein breakfast. I thought I had everything covered. Well...one thing I forgot about was how chaotic things can get when you get a large group of young cub scouts who are excited to race! We arrived about forty minutes early to give us plenty of time to register and take care of weight requirements for car, etc...It was a good thing we did because we ended up having to do a great deal more than anticipated. Everything was organized very well and the boys were busy with activities while we waited, leaving little or no lag time. The only problem was that by the time my son was ready to race, he was ready to go home. It was very disappointing. He began to get restless and a bit defiant. I felt so helpless and alone as I saw others giving him "that look" which I tried to ignore. If only they knew.
We stayed through the end of the races and then decided to leave. He was overstimulated and it would be unfair to him to keep him any longer. It's at times like these that I feel like he's missing out on some of the most fun social experiences of his life. Other boys were so excited to watch their cars race by and cheered and had a great time. I sat and watched my son barely being able to listen and pay attention as numbers were called. It was heartbreaking.
I am not posting this to make anyone feel sorry for me or my son. I am sure that many of you have probably gone through a similar thing. It's just that sometimes it feels good when you can share an experience and help at least one person know that they aren't alone. Nobody lives a perfect life, and I can definitely attest to that.
**********************
Sometimes I wish I knew what
it's like to have a "normal" life.....
But then I ask myself how much
fun would that really be?
**********************
Today my child had a pinewood derby with the scouts and I did everything I could to make sure it would be an enjoyable time. I made sure he took his medication an hour beforehand. I made sure he ate a good high protein breakfast. I thought I had everything covered. Well...one thing I forgot about was how chaotic things can get when you get a large group of young cub scouts who are excited to race! We arrived about forty minutes early to give us plenty of time to register and take care of weight requirements for car, etc...It was a good thing we did because we ended up having to do a great deal more than anticipated. Everything was organized very well and the boys were busy with activities while we waited, leaving little or no lag time. The only problem was that by the time my son was ready to race, he was ready to go home. It was very disappointing. He began to get restless and a bit defiant. I felt so helpless and alone as I saw others giving him "that look" which I tried to ignore. If only they knew.
We stayed through the end of the races and then decided to leave. He was overstimulated and it would be unfair to him to keep him any longer. It's at times like these that I feel like he's missing out on some of the most fun social experiences of his life. Other boys were so excited to watch their cars race by and cheered and had a great time. I sat and watched my son barely being able to listen and pay attention as numbers were called. It was heartbreaking.
I am not posting this to make anyone feel sorry for me or my son. I am sure that many of you have probably gone through a similar thing. It's just that sometimes it feels good when you can share an experience and help at least one person know that they aren't alone. Nobody lives a perfect life, and I can definitely attest to that.
**********************
Sometimes I wish I knew what
it's like to have a "normal" life.....
But then I ask myself how much
fun would that really be?
**********************
Sunday, January 16, 2011
Setting Goals
It's a new year and a wonderful opportunity to set some new goals for yourself and your children. I will focus on family in this post.
May I suggest a few goals for you? They don't require unrealistic expectations and hopefully will give you some ideas for other goals.
General goals:
Goal #1: Spend more quality time with family this year.
Goal #2: Work on at least ONE thing that you would like to improve on. For example, maybe you would like to work on having more patience when your children make mistakes.
Goal #3: Work on getting out of debt. If you have no debt, then work on saving money.
Goal #4: Learn a new skill this year.
More specific goals:
Goal #5: Find out your child's strengths and try to cultivate them this year. Maybe you can focus on one thing.
Goal #6: Be more proactive in your child's education.
Goal #7: Let your child make a list of wishes or dreams and make one of them come true.
Goal #8: Make it a goal to eat more home-cooked meals and learn how to cook more healthy child-friendly dinners.
Goal #9: Learn more about your home state and have a "staycation" one weekend.
Goal #10: Learn to prioritize: family, church, self.
Hope this gives you all some food for thought. Everyone's circumstances are different and your goals should fit the needs of your family. I think it's important to set realistic goals and to write them down. Make a checklist and keep track of your progress.
***********************************
No matter how old you are, it's never
too late to learn a new skill or to
change old habits.
***********************************
May I suggest a few goals for you? They don't require unrealistic expectations and hopefully will give you some ideas for other goals.
General goals:
Goal #1: Spend more quality time with family this year.
Goal #2: Work on at least ONE thing that you would like to improve on. For example, maybe you would like to work on having more patience when your children make mistakes.
Goal #3: Work on getting out of debt. If you have no debt, then work on saving money.
Goal #4: Learn a new skill this year.
More specific goals:
Goal #5: Find out your child's strengths and try to cultivate them this year. Maybe you can focus on one thing.
Goal #6: Be more proactive in your child's education.
Goal #7: Let your child make a list of wishes or dreams and make one of them come true.
Goal #8: Make it a goal to eat more home-cooked meals and learn how to cook more healthy child-friendly dinners.
Goal #9: Learn more about your home state and have a "staycation" one weekend.
Goal #10: Learn to prioritize: family, church, self.
Hope this gives you all some food for thought. Everyone's circumstances are different and your goals should fit the needs of your family. I think it's important to set realistic goals and to write them down. Make a checklist and keep track of your progress.
***********************************
No matter how old you are, it's never
too late to learn a new skill or to
change old habits.
***********************************
Monday, October 4, 2010
Feelings of Inadequacy
Have you ever felt like all eyes are on you? Have you ever felt like giving up? Have you ever wondered why you had so much on your plate? Have you ever felt like crawling into bed and crying?
If you answered yes to any of these questions, you are not alone. I wanted you all to know that we are parents who have joined an elite group. We have to work a little harder,a little stronger, and perhaps with a little more discipline than our counterparts. However, the rewards are overwhelmingly bountiful IF you look at the bigger picture. I celebrate small strides and achievements. It is important to do so. I also acknowledge those small miracles that happen all around me. To deny them is equivalent to denying God's presence.
Everyone has moments where they feel like giving up. They feel inadequate. Those feelings of inadequacy are fed by media and judgment from others in the form of looks or comments. You must not compare yourself or your child to anyone else. You are unique and so are they. Even twins are unique and they have the same chromosomal make-up. Therefore, it is fair to say that we all have our own paths and ways of getting to the same destination.
During your journey called "Parenthood" you will find what works for you. Giving up is not an option. Trial and error will become your best friend. I find that even professionals use it. Knowledge is power and with that power comes responsibility. The more you learn the more you will question. The more you question, the more you will add on to what you have learned. You can't deny genetics as one of the leading roles to child's behavior. Sometimes they just come the way they come. The best advice I have for you is to accept those things you can't change, and do everything you can about those things you CAN change! That is the secret to my sanity.
I still consider this blog my therapy. It's important to find an outlet. If writing is not one of your strengths, then find something else you enjoy and do it! Don't let feelings of inadequacy become greater obstacles for you. You are a great parent! You have been entrusted with a very special spirit. This little person that you are raising will one day become an adult. You have NO idea what his/her potential is. There is no way of knowing. All I know is that one day you will look back and see that all your hard work paid off. They are better because of you. In turn, YOU are better because of them.
*************************
Our differences are what
makes the world more
interesting.
************************
If you answered yes to any of these questions, you are not alone. I wanted you all to know that we are parents who have joined an elite group. We have to work a little harder,a little stronger, and perhaps with a little more discipline than our counterparts. However, the rewards are overwhelmingly bountiful IF you look at the bigger picture. I celebrate small strides and achievements. It is important to do so. I also acknowledge those small miracles that happen all around me. To deny them is equivalent to denying God's presence.
Everyone has moments where they feel like giving up. They feel inadequate. Those feelings of inadequacy are fed by media and judgment from others in the form of looks or comments. You must not compare yourself or your child to anyone else. You are unique and so are they. Even twins are unique and they have the same chromosomal make-up. Therefore, it is fair to say that we all have our own paths and ways of getting to the same destination.
During your journey called "Parenthood" you will find what works for you. Giving up is not an option. Trial and error will become your best friend. I find that even professionals use it. Knowledge is power and with that power comes responsibility. The more you learn the more you will question. The more you question, the more you will add on to what you have learned. You can't deny genetics as one of the leading roles to child's behavior. Sometimes they just come the way they come. The best advice I have for you is to accept those things you can't change, and do everything you can about those things you CAN change! That is the secret to my sanity.
I still consider this blog my therapy. It's important to find an outlet. If writing is not one of your strengths, then find something else you enjoy and do it! Don't let feelings of inadequacy become greater obstacles for you. You are a great parent! You have been entrusted with a very special spirit. This little person that you are raising will one day become an adult. You have NO idea what his/her potential is. There is no way of knowing. All I know is that one day you will look back and see that all your hard work paid off. They are better because of you. In turn, YOU are better because of them.
*************************
Our differences are what
makes the world more
interesting.
************************
Friday, October 1, 2010
Quick Comebacks 101
This has been something I've wanted to do for quite some time. Take the following scenario: You're at McDonald's playground trying to have a relaxing lunch while allowing your children to play. Suddenly you hear a child say, "That kid just spit on me." You instinctively know that it's your child so you go over. Sure enough... you were right! The parent gives you that look that is all too familiar and tells you that your child just spit on theirs. What do you say? What do you do?
This is a list of comebacks that you can use in different situations to help explain (not condone or excuse) your special needs child's behavior.
1)"I'm sorry. We are working on (ex: sharing, not biting, etc...). I will have a talk with him." This works great for a lot of situations, especially when you have a toddler or smaller child. Most people who are parents totally get it. No more explanation is needed. You follow up with your child apologizing to the other. Make sure you do this in front of the other parent.
2) "You'll have to excuse him. He's in the autism spectrum. He doesn't communicate very well." This works great when you either have an older child or one that looks older than he is. Some parents may not realize the age of your child and knowing that they are in the autism spectrum will help clear up immaturity issues or inappropriate things for his age. Plus, this will usually open up things for discussion thus giving you a chance to educate another parent about ASD's! (Autism Spectrum Disorders)
3) "Unfortunately, he mimics behavior and a child just did the very same thing to him just a moment ago." This will not only help explain the behavior, but will show the parent that YOUR child was also a victim thus reducing the "mama bear" feelings.
4) "It's hard being a (age) year old trapped in a (older age) year old body." This comes in handy at any age. Parents often don't realize the age of the child and it helps (depending on the situation) to know that.
5) "Thanks for not being judgmental of my child with autism. You have no idea how hard it is." This will make the other parent feel like they should live up to your expectations and perhaps make them more empathetic.
The following are for rude parents:
6) "(Silence)".... My #1 advice for rude parents is to just not say anything at all! Try ignoring at first and if that doesn't work, then just leave the situation.
7) "Are you having a rough day too?" This might tick them off or just might make them laugh.
8) "Have you seen the Temple Grandin movie?" This is good 'cause maybe you can distract and/or change the emphasis onto something else. I would like to think that most people have good intentions.
Some of these I have heard and a few I have used myself. Hope it gives you all some food for thought.
This is a list of comebacks that you can use in different situations to help explain (not condone or excuse) your special needs child's behavior.
1)"I'm sorry. We are working on (ex: sharing, not biting, etc...). I will have a talk with him." This works great for a lot of situations, especially when you have a toddler or smaller child. Most people who are parents totally get it. No more explanation is needed. You follow up with your child apologizing to the other. Make sure you do this in front of the other parent.
2) "You'll have to excuse him. He's in the autism spectrum. He doesn't communicate very well." This works great when you either have an older child or one that looks older than he is. Some parents may not realize the age of your child and knowing that they are in the autism spectrum will help clear up immaturity issues or inappropriate things for his age. Plus, this will usually open up things for discussion thus giving you a chance to educate another parent about ASD's! (Autism Spectrum Disorders)
3) "Unfortunately, he mimics behavior and a child just did the very same thing to him just a moment ago." This will not only help explain the behavior, but will show the parent that YOUR child was also a victim thus reducing the "mama bear" feelings.
4) "It's hard being a (age) year old trapped in a (older age) year old body." This comes in handy at any age. Parents often don't realize the age of the child and it helps (depending on the situation) to know that.
5) "Thanks for not being judgmental of my child with autism. You have no idea how hard it is." This will make the other parent feel like they should live up to your expectations and perhaps make them more empathetic.
The following are for rude parents:
6) "(Silence)".... My #1 advice for rude parents is to just not say anything at all! Try ignoring at first and if that doesn't work, then just leave the situation.
7) "Are you having a rough day too?" This might tick them off or just might make them laugh.
8) "Have you seen the Temple Grandin movie?" This is good 'cause maybe you can distract and/or change the emphasis onto something else. I would like to think that most people have good intentions.
Some of these I have heard and a few I have used myself. Hope it gives you all some food for thought.
Monday, August 23, 2010
Nobody Does It Better
Have you ever wondered why you were blessed with the kids you have? Whether you adopted or gave birth to your children, I believe they came to you because YOU were meant to be their mother. I've been told this on numerous occasions, and my testimony concerning this sentiment has grown over the years.
I think about my daughter, for example, who seems to be in perfect health but who is battling Wilson's Disease on a daily basis. If I did not advocate for her, who knows where she would be today. Then there is my oldest who is a genius (literally), but who struggles with social delay. I understand him and accept him for who he is in spite of others. I could go on and on with examples of things, but the fact is that nobody could do it better than you.
Every generation has its challenges. Hopefully each one learns from the previous one and adds knowledge and experience. As the years go on things will only get harder and more challenging. However, knowing that motherhood is a divine calling can help you in many ways. If you're lucky enough to have a living mother, then don't forget you can always call on her for advice. If not, prayer works wonders! It's amazing how much I've been able to help the "professionals" with the help of my Heavenly Father. Never underestimate the power of inspiration.
Lastly, there may come a time when your values are questioned or even challenged. Never give in! Remember that Satan is VERY real and his influence is all around us. Sometimes he comes in the form of media on t.v. or language in a book. He might even come in the form of doubt. Doubt is a very powerful thing. Just remember that TRUE happiness comes only from doing what is right. There are no shorcuts.
*************************************
Nobody does it better.... sometimes I
wish someone could.
*************************************
I think about my daughter, for example, who seems to be in perfect health but who is battling Wilson's Disease on a daily basis. If I did not advocate for her, who knows where she would be today. Then there is my oldest who is a genius (literally), but who struggles with social delay. I understand him and accept him for who he is in spite of others. I could go on and on with examples of things, but the fact is that nobody could do it better than you.
Every generation has its challenges. Hopefully each one learns from the previous one and adds knowledge and experience. As the years go on things will only get harder and more challenging. However, knowing that motherhood is a divine calling can help you in many ways. If you're lucky enough to have a living mother, then don't forget you can always call on her for advice. If not, prayer works wonders! It's amazing how much I've been able to help the "professionals" with the help of my Heavenly Father. Never underestimate the power of inspiration.
Lastly, there may come a time when your values are questioned or even challenged. Never give in! Remember that Satan is VERY real and his influence is all around us. Sometimes he comes in the form of media on t.v. or language in a book. He might even come in the form of doubt. Doubt is a very powerful thing. Just remember that TRUE happiness comes only from doing what is right. There are no shorcuts.
*************************************
Nobody does it better.... sometimes I
wish someone could.
*************************************
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)