Have you ever felt like all eyes are on you? Have you ever felt like giving up? Have you ever wondered why you had so much on your plate? Have you ever felt like crawling into bed and crying?
If you answered yes to any of these questions, you are not alone. I wanted you all to know that we are parents who have joined an elite group. We have to work a little harder,a little stronger, and perhaps with a little more discipline than our counterparts. However, the rewards are overwhelmingly bountiful IF you look at the bigger picture. I celebrate small strides and achievements. It is important to do so. I also acknowledge those small miracles that happen all around me. To deny them is equivalent to denying God's presence.
Everyone has moments where they feel like giving up. They feel inadequate. Those feelings of inadequacy are fed by media and judgment from others in the form of looks or comments. You must not compare yourself or your child to anyone else. You are unique and so are they. Even twins are unique and they have the same chromosomal make-up. Therefore, it is fair to say that we all have our own paths and ways of getting to the same destination.
During your journey called "Parenthood" you will find what works for you. Giving up is not an option. Trial and error will become your best friend. I find that even professionals use it. Knowledge is power and with that power comes responsibility. The more you learn the more you will question. The more you question, the more you will add on to what you have learned. You can't deny genetics as one of the leading roles to child's behavior. Sometimes they just come the way they come. The best advice I have for you is to accept those things you can't change, and do everything you can about those things you CAN change! That is the secret to my sanity.
I still consider this blog my therapy. It's important to find an outlet. If writing is not one of your strengths, then find something else you enjoy and do it! Don't let feelings of inadequacy become greater obstacles for you. You are a great parent! You have been entrusted with a very special spirit. This little person that you are raising will one day become an adult. You have NO idea what his/her potential is. There is no way of knowing. All I know is that one day you will look back and see that all your hard work paid off. They are better because of you. In turn, YOU are better because of them.
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Our differences are what
makes the world more
interesting.
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Monday, October 4, 2010
Friday, October 1, 2010
Quick Comebacks 101
This has been something I've wanted to do for quite some time. Take the following scenario: You're at McDonald's playground trying to have a relaxing lunch while allowing your children to play. Suddenly you hear a child say, "That kid just spit on me." You instinctively know that it's your child so you go over. Sure enough... you were right! The parent gives you that look that is all too familiar and tells you that your child just spit on theirs. What do you say? What do you do?
This is a list of comebacks that you can use in different situations to help explain (not condone or excuse) your special needs child's behavior.
1)"I'm sorry. We are working on (ex: sharing, not biting, etc...). I will have a talk with him." This works great for a lot of situations, especially when you have a toddler or smaller child. Most people who are parents totally get it. No more explanation is needed. You follow up with your child apologizing to the other. Make sure you do this in front of the other parent.
2) "You'll have to excuse him. He's in the autism spectrum. He doesn't communicate very well." This works great when you either have an older child or one that looks older than he is. Some parents may not realize the age of your child and knowing that they are in the autism spectrum will help clear up immaturity issues or inappropriate things for his age. Plus, this will usually open up things for discussion thus giving you a chance to educate another parent about ASD's! (Autism Spectrum Disorders)
3) "Unfortunately, he mimics behavior and a child just did the very same thing to him just a moment ago." This will not only help explain the behavior, but will show the parent that YOUR child was also a victim thus reducing the "mama bear" feelings.
4) "It's hard being a (age) year old trapped in a (older age) year old body." This comes in handy at any age. Parents often don't realize the age of the child and it helps (depending on the situation) to know that.
5) "Thanks for not being judgmental of my child with autism. You have no idea how hard it is." This will make the other parent feel like they should live up to your expectations and perhaps make them more empathetic.
The following are for rude parents:
6) "(Silence)".... My #1 advice for rude parents is to just not say anything at all! Try ignoring at first and if that doesn't work, then just leave the situation.
7) "Are you having a rough day too?" This might tick them off or just might make them laugh.
8) "Have you seen the Temple Grandin movie?" This is good 'cause maybe you can distract and/or change the emphasis onto something else. I would like to think that most people have good intentions.
Some of these I have heard and a few I have used myself. Hope it gives you all some food for thought.
This is a list of comebacks that you can use in different situations to help explain (not condone or excuse) your special needs child's behavior.
1)"I'm sorry. We are working on (ex: sharing, not biting, etc...). I will have a talk with him." This works great for a lot of situations, especially when you have a toddler or smaller child. Most people who are parents totally get it. No more explanation is needed. You follow up with your child apologizing to the other. Make sure you do this in front of the other parent.
2) "You'll have to excuse him. He's in the autism spectrum. He doesn't communicate very well." This works great when you either have an older child or one that looks older than he is. Some parents may not realize the age of your child and knowing that they are in the autism spectrum will help clear up immaturity issues or inappropriate things for his age. Plus, this will usually open up things for discussion thus giving you a chance to educate another parent about ASD's! (Autism Spectrum Disorders)
3) "Unfortunately, he mimics behavior and a child just did the very same thing to him just a moment ago." This will not only help explain the behavior, but will show the parent that YOUR child was also a victim thus reducing the "mama bear" feelings.
4) "It's hard being a (age) year old trapped in a (older age) year old body." This comes in handy at any age. Parents often don't realize the age of the child and it helps (depending on the situation) to know that.
5) "Thanks for not being judgmental of my child with autism. You have no idea how hard it is." This will make the other parent feel like they should live up to your expectations and perhaps make them more empathetic.
The following are for rude parents:
6) "(Silence)".... My #1 advice for rude parents is to just not say anything at all! Try ignoring at first and if that doesn't work, then just leave the situation.
7) "Are you having a rough day too?" This might tick them off or just might make them laugh.
8) "Have you seen the Temple Grandin movie?" This is good 'cause maybe you can distract and/or change the emphasis onto something else. I would like to think that most people have good intentions.
Some of these I have heard and a few I have used myself. Hope it gives you all some food for thought.
Monday, August 23, 2010
Nobody Does It Better
Have you ever wondered why you were blessed with the kids you have? Whether you adopted or gave birth to your children, I believe they came to you because YOU were meant to be their mother. I've been told this on numerous occasions, and my testimony concerning this sentiment has grown over the years.
I think about my daughter, for example, who seems to be in perfect health but who is battling Wilson's Disease on a daily basis. If I did not advocate for her, who knows where she would be today. Then there is my oldest who is a genius (literally), but who struggles with social delay. I understand him and accept him for who he is in spite of others. I could go on and on with examples of things, but the fact is that nobody could do it better than you.
Every generation has its challenges. Hopefully each one learns from the previous one and adds knowledge and experience. As the years go on things will only get harder and more challenging. However, knowing that motherhood is a divine calling can help you in many ways. If you're lucky enough to have a living mother, then don't forget you can always call on her for advice. If not, prayer works wonders! It's amazing how much I've been able to help the "professionals" with the help of my Heavenly Father. Never underestimate the power of inspiration.
Lastly, there may come a time when your values are questioned or even challenged. Never give in! Remember that Satan is VERY real and his influence is all around us. Sometimes he comes in the form of media on t.v. or language in a book. He might even come in the form of doubt. Doubt is a very powerful thing. Just remember that TRUE happiness comes only from doing what is right. There are no shorcuts.
*************************************
Nobody does it better.... sometimes I
wish someone could.
*************************************
I think about my daughter, for example, who seems to be in perfect health but who is battling Wilson's Disease on a daily basis. If I did not advocate for her, who knows where she would be today. Then there is my oldest who is a genius (literally), but who struggles with social delay. I understand him and accept him for who he is in spite of others. I could go on and on with examples of things, but the fact is that nobody could do it better than you.
Every generation has its challenges. Hopefully each one learns from the previous one and adds knowledge and experience. As the years go on things will only get harder and more challenging. However, knowing that motherhood is a divine calling can help you in many ways. If you're lucky enough to have a living mother, then don't forget you can always call on her for advice. If not, prayer works wonders! It's amazing how much I've been able to help the "professionals" with the help of my Heavenly Father. Never underestimate the power of inspiration.
Lastly, there may come a time when your values are questioned or even challenged. Never give in! Remember that Satan is VERY real and his influence is all around us. Sometimes he comes in the form of media on t.v. or language in a book. He might even come in the form of doubt. Doubt is a very powerful thing. Just remember that TRUE happiness comes only from doing what is right. There are no shorcuts.
*************************************
Nobody does it better.... sometimes I
wish someone could.
*************************************
Wednesday, July 21, 2010
Dealing With "Galzin Indigestion"
My daughter has been taking Galzin now for a few years. At first we didn't have a single side effect and I was so excited. I did my research and found that many people get stomach upset with this particular drug. I was thankful that my daughter was not among those. Well... NOW we are facing some issues with tummy aches in the morning. I wanted to share what we are doing just in case anyone out there is facing the same issue.
Her dose is three times a day and so we give the morning dose with a little food. I make sure that whatever she eats doesn't have fiber. I read that fiber will basically counteract the medicine. She might eat scrambled eggs or some cheese or lunch meat. She seems to do a lot better when we remember to do this. We have been doing this for months and at her last appointment her liver enzymes were still going down. This is good news!
I have a theory about this. I know that theoretically she takes her meds on an empty stomach, but the morning dose is probably the only one she takes on a truly empty stomach. Therefore, it REALLY is hard on her little tummy. I call it "Galzin indigestion" since she is basically digesting only the Galzin in the morning. I am hopeful that it will get better with time or else she will have to get used to it. So far she is a trooper about taking her medicine. It can be an inconvenience at times, but she handles it very well.
*******************************
We call Galzin our magic blue
pill. It has been a miraculous
pharmaceutical invention!
*******************************
Her dose is three times a day and so we give the morning dose with a little food. I make sure that whatever she eats doesn't have fiber. I read that fiber will basically counteract the medicine. She might eat scrambled eggs or some cheese or lunch meat. She seems to do a lot better when we remember to do this. We have been doing this for months and at her last appointment her liver enzymes were still going down. This is good news!
I have a theory about this. I know that theoretically she takes her meds on an empty stomach, but the morning dose is probably the only one she takes on a truly empty stomach. Therefore, it REALLY is hard on her little tummy. I call it "Galzin indigestion" since she is basically digesting only the Galzin in the morning. I am hopeful that it will get better with time or else she will have to get used to it. So far she is a trooper about taking her medicine. It can be an inconvenience at times, but she handles it very well.
*******************************
We call Galzin our magic blue
pill. It has been a miraculous
pharmaceutical invention!
*******************************
Tuesday, July 13, 2010
The Genetic Factor
I've had a recent revelation. So far at least half of my husband's siblings or close relatives have a child with a learning disability or in the autism spectrum. This definitely proves (at least in my family) that there is a genetic component.
I found this very interesting article. It was published June 9, 2010. VERY recent information about genetic research. Evidently, they have found dozens of gene mutations implicated in autism. However, if I may quote from the article: "Interestingly, not all the genetic defects were inherited from the child's parents. Rather, they seem to have arisen during fetal development or infancy." This is the part that I KNOW is the environmental "trigger" I have ALWAYS believed in!
Copy and paste the following link and you can read the entire article:
http://www.aolnews.com/health/article/latest-genetic-research-may-help-decode-autism/19509927
I found this very interesting article. It was published June 9, 2010. VERY recent information about genetic research. Evidently, they have found dozens of gene mutations implicated in autism. However, if I may quote from the article: "Interestingly, not all the genetic defects were inherited from the child's parents. Rather, they seem to have arisen during fetal development or infancy." This is the part that I KNOW is the environmental "trigger" I have ALWAYS believed in!
Copy and paste the following link and you can read the entire article:
http://www.aolnews.com/health/article/latest-genetic-research-may-help-decode-autism/19509927
Saturday, July 3, 2010
After Rain Comes the Rainbow
It's only when you go through trials that you can appreciate the good things. For example, I have been through some tough times with my #2 and my daughter and so now I feel like I am reaping from all my hard work and dedication as a mother. I appreciate every little thing that I perceive as progress or moving forward.
I had a story to share that I thought was appropriate. You might actually find it inspirational. Yesterday we went to the pool. We usually live at the pool during the summer. It's our favorite place to hang out. The summer break is halfway over and so the kids are starting to fight a little bit more than usual. I guess they are getting tired of being with each other 24/7. I can totally relate.
My older two were playing at the pool with a new toy that I had purchased. It is shaped like a torpedo and you are supposed to pass it under the water. It is relatively heavy and made of a hard rubber. My oldest got the idea to try and skim it over the water so that it would go faster. Well... it definitely worked, but unfortunately it skimmed over the water at top speed right into my #2's nose! Poor guy screamed his head off and blood started to gush out his nose immediately. I panicked but tried to remain calm. The blood would not stop. Luckily for me, my dear friend was with me and she knew the trick to helping it stop. We put a rolled up piece of bandage under his upper lip to put pressure on the vessel. It worked! I also put pressure at the bridge of his nose. It finally stopped bleeding and after about thirty minutes I was able to remove it without worries.
The sweet part of the story was that although they had been fighting for days and morning was no exception... when it came down to it, my #1 was worried sick about his little brother. He would not stop apologizing and kept looking at him and asking if he was okay. Later after we left the pool, he told me in private that it would be okay to let his little brother play on his laptop. (That is a major deal in our household!) Even today... a day later he is still looking out for him. My younger two wanted to go swimming and my #1 said, "No.. we can't go swimming. His nose might bleed." He was genuinely concerned about his well being.
There are two lessons I leared from this:
#1) No matter how much you see your children fight and argue, deep inside they truly love each other. It's at times like this that you see it.
#2) The cautions on toys are there for a reason. On the side of the toy is written in bold: "CAUTION: Do not throw toy above the water or at another person."
****************************
I definitely prefer lessons
learned that don't involve
trips to the emergency room.
*****************************
I had a story to share that I thought was appropriate. You might actually find it inspirational. Yesterday we went to the pool. We usually live at the pool during the summer. It's our favorite place to hang out. The summer break is halfway over and so the kids are starting to fight a little bit more than usual. I guess they are getting tired of being with each other 24/7. I can totally relate.
My older two were playing at the pool with a new toy that I had purchased. It is shaped like a torpedo and you are supposed to pass it under the water. It is relatively heavy and made of a hard rubber. My oldest got the idea to try and skim it over the water so that it would go faster. Well... it definitely worked, but unfortunately it skimmed over the water at top speed right into my #2's nose! Poor guy screamed his head off and blood started to gush out his nose immediately. I panicked but tried to remain calm. The blood would not stop. Luckily for me, my dear friend was with me and she knew the trick to helping it stop. We put a rolled up piece of bandage under his upper lip to put pressure on the vessel. It worked! I also put pressure at the bridge of his nose. It finally stopped bleeding and after about thirty minutes I was able to remove it without worries.
The sweet part of the story was that although they had been fighting for days and morning was no exception... when it came down to it, my #1 was worried sick about his little brother. He would not stop apologizing and kept looking at him and asking if he was okay. Later after we left the pool, he told me in private that it would be okay to let his little brother play on his laptop. (That is a major deal in our household!) Even today... a day later he is still looking out for him. My younger two wanted to go swimming and my #1 said, "No.. we can't go swimming. His nose might bleed." He was genuinely concerned about his well being.
There are two lessons I leared from this:
#1) No matter how much you see your children fight and argue, deep inside they truly love each other. It's at times like this that you see it.
#2) The cautions on toys are there for a reason. On the side of the toy is written in bold: "CAUTION: Do not throw toy above the water or at another person."
****************************
I definitely prefer lessons
learned that don't involve
trips to the emergency room.
*****************************
Tuesday, June 29, 2010
Finding the Right Kind of Help
When you have a child in the autism spectrum there are many issues that you have to face as a parent. The first, and most important, is the physical AND mental well-being of your child. The physical is probably the most apparent for most parents. However, it seems like the mental or emotional part is more challenging for most.
The fact is that sometimes we need the help from professionals. Not only does the child benefit, but the parents as well. I have a friend who has great health insurance and it covers her child's visits to a Psychologist once a week! I wish I were so lucky! She takes full advantage of it and is able to not only get help for her child, but also gets counseling for herself.
I am extremely lucky to have wonderful support from family and friends. I can pick up the phone right now and I know that they would understand and be a listening ear when I need it. There are many who are not so lucky. The stigma of going to a doctor for help is slowly changing. More and more people are talking openly about it. Maybe it's the media... maybe it's that we're more open-minded. I strongly believe that the main reason is that there are more people now who seek professional counseling. There is nothing wrong with it and it doesn't make you weak. On the contrary, it makes you stronger.
My hope is that whoever is out there struggling with the decision of whether to get help or not, will do so. Don't wait. Don't wait until all hope is gone or you feel like there is no other alternative. You CAN get the support you need. There ARE people out there who understand. I promise you that there is someone out there who has the same values and thought process as you. You just need to seek them out. My friend has to drive over an hour to seek help, but she does it. It definitely puts things in perspective for me.
If you end up with someone you don't like or who doesn't have the same value system you do, then look elsewhere. You don't have to give up. I have seen how persistence pays off. This is definitely something worth fighting for.
*****************************
I urge you to check this out:
http://www.nimh.nih.gov/health/topics/autism-spectrum-disorders-pervasive-developmental-disorders/index.shtml
******************************
The fact is that sometimes we need the help from professionals. Not only does the child benefit, but the parents as well. I have a friend who has great health insurance and it covers her child's visits to a Psychologist once a week! I wish I were so lucky! She takes full advantage of it and is able to not only get help for her child, but also gets counseling for herself.
I am extremely lucky to have wonderful support from family and friends. I can pick up the phone right now and I know that they would understand and be a listening ear when I need it. There are many who are not so lucky. The stigma of going to a doctor for help is slowly changing. More and more people are talking openly about it. Maybe it's the media... maybe it's that we're more open-minded. I strongly believe that the main reason is that there are more people now who seek professional counseling. There is nothing wrong with it and it doesn't make you weak. On the contrary, it makes you stronger.
My hope is that whoever is out there struggling with the decision of whether to get help or not, will do so. Don't wait. Don't wait until all hope is gone or you feel like there is no other alternative. You CAN get the support you need. There ARE people out there who understand. I promise you that there is someone out there who has the same values and thought process as you. You just need to seek them out. My friend has to drive over an hour to seek help, but she does it. It definitely puts things in perspective for me.
If you end up with someone you don't like or who doesn't have the same value system you do, then look elsewhere. You don't have to give up. I have seen how persistence pays off. This is definitely something worth fighting for.
*****************************
I urge you to check this out:
http://www.nimh.nih.gov/health/topics/autism-spectrum-disorders-pervasive-developmental-disorders/index.shtml
******************************
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