Oppositional Defiant Disorder (ODD)

ODD is a real thing, in case you were wondering. I remember the first time I heard this diagnosis. I thought the doctors were crazy! How are you supposed to raise a child whose first impulse is to be defiant?!! It is truly beyond discouraging. ODD is defined as a condition where a child or teenager has a frequent and persistent pattern of anger, arguing, or defiance towards parents, adults, or any authoritative figure. Can you imagine the adult that could potentially come out of a child with these qualities? My first thought was, "My child is going to end up in jail!" It is such a horrific thought!
First of all, let me tell you that I have two children who have been given this diagnosis and I have survived. You can too! The most important things to remember are consistency, patience, and love. Consistency is key. You must not give them an inch or they will take a yard. If you change the rules or expectations it will just confuse them. Kids with ODD need structure in their lives. This is especially true when dealing with a child who also has autism.
Having patience is a virtue...believe me, I know! However, you must practice it until you almost perfect it. Your child will try your patience every chance he gets. He will know your triggers by your reaction to their actions. The key thing is to remain calm. If you need to go away to another room and take a time out, that's okay. Whatever you do, do NOT let your child see you lose control! That is one of the hardest things for a parent.
Lastly, love your child every chance you get. If you have a teenager and he likes to spend most of his time in his room, then knock on his door once in a while just to say, "I love you." I tried this as an experiment and it had marvelous results! He actually came out a couple times. Now, he will say, "Love you too." Sometimes he will come out and come spend some time with me in the same room! Imagine that! A mother's (or father's) love is a powerful thing. It can break down walls, can heal a broken heart, and can overcome the most unimaginable obstacle.
The reason I chose this topic at this particular time is because I have seen positive changes in my child who is now 15 years old. I know every child is different, but I just wanted to make sure you had hope. I wanted to share that no matter how hard things seem to be right now, there is light at the end of the tunnel. You do not have to do this alone. Seek help if you feel you need it. Please do not give up! I have spent countless hours on my knees pleading to God, but I have also spent countless hours talking with medical professionals and counsellors. Also remember that you will make mistakes. There is no way around that. You need to just brush it off and learn from those mistakes. That is what makes a good parent. What makes a GREAT parent is one who loves their child unconditionally. All children know when they are loved (even if they do not always show it).

Essential Oils 101

I am always looking for alternatives to medicine. I believe that if you treat the CAUSE of illness and not just the symptom, then you will lead a healthier life. For example, if you have high blood pressure and you are overweight, then losing weight may help you get off blood pressure meds.
I recently discovered that many of my friends and some family are using essential oils. What are essential oils? Essential oils are oils that are extracted from certain plants (leaves, bark, flowers, etc...). They have been used since biblical times! They seem to work, but it is not used in mainstream medicine...yet. Why is that? I think you all know the answer. It always comes down to money.
In the meantime, I see anecdotal evidence that suggests the use of essential oils for almost everything. I decided to dive into the essential oil waters and test it out for myself. I started using lavender at night to help me get to sleep. I put a couple drops into my diffuser and let it run for hours. The first night I used it I noticed an immediate difference. I was able to get to sleep a lot faster. This past week I had the opportunity to spend the week at a summer camp with young women ages 12-18. My cabin had 5 girls who were all 13 years old. The first night they could not settle down. I sprayed my pillow with lavender and I slept like a baby. The following night the girls asked me to spray their pillows. They fell asleep quickly and slept like little angels! It was amazing!
I tested another essential oil on my second to oldest son. He has autism and ADHD. We are currently doing summer reading at the school to help him finish the two books and reports he has to have complete before the first day of school in August. He spent 3 hours at school. When we got home, I put some peppermint in the diffuser and he absolutely loved it! He was able to focus and do almost two more hours of homework! This is an amazing testimony to the efficacy of essential oils! I was so excited that I did not have to give him a booster dose of his medicine.
The more I read about essential oils, the more I realize that I have so much yet to learn. Right now I am getting my oils from a company called DoTerra. This is a company my friend introduced me to. The oils are of a great quality and the price is competitive with other companies out there. One thing to consider when choosing essential oils is the formulary and consistency of the oils. This is very important, especially when using for medicinal purposes. If you are just looking to have something that smells good to put into a diffuser, then any old essential oil blend will do. However, when you get serious about it then you want something that is the real deal.
Do your homework and learn about essential oils. There are so many to choose from! I am excited to use the different ones I have purchased so far. I will continue to update you all on what I learn. This is all so exciting!

If The Halo Fits...

This month has been a difficult one for parents to watch the news. We have had mass shootings, a kid falling into a zoo enclosure with a dangerous animal, and an alligator dragging and killing a two year-old boy at a lagoon in a Disney resort. It is enough to drive any parent insane. However, the real tragedy is the judgment of people on social media about these incidents. As if the parents are not going through hell already, they are being charged with neglect, incompetence, and lack of parenting skills.
First of all, those of us who have children know that it is so easy to lose sight of them no matter how hard you try. Kids can escape your view in a blink of an eye. Secondly, in both situations the parents were actually doing something fun and sacrificing their time and money to make fun happen for their child. Thirdly, how many of us can honestly say we have never made a mistake? Especially when on vacation?
I am sick and tired of parents who think they are perfect. There is no such thing as a perfect parent. All parents are just trying to do their best. These events are just tragic accidents and they should be treated as such. We need to stop being so critical of one another. There is no way we can say, "That would never happen to me." Fact is...you can very well wind up in the headline news over something tomorrow!
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Judge not, lest ye be judged
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New Beginnings

Don't you just love new beginnings? The chance to start a new adventure has always fascinated me. However, sometimes change can be so hard, and not knowing what lies ahead can be scary. The other day I was reminiscing about my childhood and all of the adventures I faced as a child. I wish my children would have had the opportunity to move around like I did. I know this is going to sound cruel, but I also wish they could have faced some of the obstacles I faced. They made me who I am and taught me to be a stronger and better person.
When life throws curveballs at you, it's hard to see beyond the moment. It is almost impossible to see the endless possibilities. That has been my life for many years. I was thrown a few curveballs with my children. I was thrown a few more with my health. I have been thrown another one in recent days. It will be okay. Things usually work out.
I want to challenge everyone to take a closer look at your life. Is there anything you can change for the better? If so, don't hesitate. Start now! What is keeping you from reaching that goal? I recently started a new chapter in my life and I am so exited! It is a lifestyle change that I hope to continue for the rest of my life. I will be posting more information about that soon!

The Joys of Adolescence

Although children do not come with an instruction manual, I am convinced that when they reach a certain age there must be a secret book that they read while parents are asleep or something cause inevitably they start to behave alike! This is the case with adolescence. The magic number seems to be 12. They think they know more than you and want to be independent. However, they still want to leave the lights on at night and be reassured you are there when they get home from school. It is kind of sweet if you think about it. They still need you...they just don't want to admit it.
My daughter who has Wilson's Disease is at that age right now. One of my biggest challenges at the moment seems to be getting her to take her medication. All of a sudden she doesn't want to be compliant! Her meds are expensive!! That is why it really bothers me when I see pills lying on the table or counter hours after I give them to her to take. Of course that is not the only thing that bugs me. The fact is that these meds are what keeps her healthy. Without them she could potentially have liver failure. She would most definitely get sick. However, at this age most kids feel invincible. There is nothing that can happen to them. Thank goodness for parents. Right?
I have been doing my job well...probably too well. She hasn't felt the pain associated with having a diseased liver. In her mind she cannot comprehend getting sick. I have to admit that sometimes I forget too. Days go by and I realize that she has not taken her meds. The one time I usually get vigilant is probably about the time she is due for her checkup at the Children's Hospital with her GI and Liver Specialists. It is a yearly reminder for all our family of that elephant in the room.
If any of you reading this are having issues with your adolescent or pre-adolescent then please know you are not alone. Our grandparents went through it. Our parents went through it. We are going through it, and our children will definitely go through it with their own kids. It is a rite of passage for us just as much as them. They say attitude is everything. Let us find joy in the journey.

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If you look hard enough, there is joy
to be found in everything...including
trials.
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Nobody Cares

Are you a movie star or model? Are you going to be in a reality show? Is a government agency that could potentially take away your children going to visit your home? If you answered "no" to all these questions then I want you to consider the fact that NOBODY CARES if you are not a size 2. NOBODY CARES if your home is not immaculate. NOBODY CARES if your children's room is untidy. The fact is that moms are too hard on themselves. Moms need to prioritize and value their time. Time is so precious. It comes and goes, and there is no way to get it back.
Now that school is starting back, I just wanted to remind everyone to chill and stop being so hard on yourself. You are human...perhaps you have ambitions to be that "Supermom" that everyone raves about. However, at what expense? Keep realistic goals for yourself. Make sure to take time out for yourself. Only then can you be there for everyone else.

The Summer Challenge

Summer is a time many families look forward to. However, it can bring about so many challenges for families with children who have autism. The biggest challenge is structure...or lack thereof. Children on the spectrum need structure. They get anxious when they have no idea what is happening from day to day or hour to hour. Camps are usually out of the question, unless they are designed for children with special needs. Summer programs can be costly. Finding children for get togethers or play dates can also be difficult. What do you do?
Here is some food for thought followed by a list of ideas that I have personally tried and found successful:
1) Plan way ahead of summer. You do not want to wait until summer to figure out what is offered in your area.
2) Think outside the box...or even your city. It is worth a thirty minute drive or more for your child to receive something you don't have locally.
3) Ask your friends or anyone you know for ideas.
4) Try to find out what your child is interested in and is good at by exposing your child to a variety of things. You might be surprised.
5) Try to be flexible. Do not overfill the calendar.

These are specific ideas broken down by age/maturity level:
Preschool: If you are a parent of a preschool child then consider continuing preschool through their summer program if it is offered. Although summers tend to be less structured, they still have consistency and that is key! Get together with other parents and try to do something weekly such as meeting at the park, pool, or going to fast food indoor playgrounds. Take turns meeting at different homes to provide social opportunities for you and your child. This is a fun age. Remember that they get excited about the smallest things as long as YOU are excited! Tell your child that you are going on a scavenger hunt and print off a list of items that you two can find while on a nature walk or a hike. Take notice of the things you see along the way and talk about them. Another idea is doing a backyard "safari". Get magnifying glasses and see how many creatures and wildlife you can find in your own backyard! Pinterest has some awesome ideas. I saw one where you get a large plastic tub and fill it with toys and then with water. Freeze it. Then take it outside and do an archeological "dig" to get to the toys inside the ice! Kids this age just LOVE sidewalk chalk.
Elementary: Kids are now a little more self aware. It might be harder to keep them occupied. You need to get some teaching resources to maintain their level in reading, math, and writing. Try to give them learning opportunities. Check your local library for Summer Reading programs or other special programs they may offer. Visit some historical sites or museums in your area. Take a tour at a local factory or other company that offers them. Invite friends over for a lunch/ dinner and a movie. Make cupcakes or pizzas with your child. Let your child do the measuring of ingredients by following a recipe. Play their favorite board game or just design your own. Science experiments using household items are a huge hit! Google for more ideas.
Teens: This is a challenging age. Going to the pool saved me during these years. However, on a rainy day you are stuck. If your child is a reader then you are set! Since they are a little more independent this age can also be so much fun. Whatever you do, do NOT call a get-together with a friend a "play date"! Ever! Go to a movie. Take advantage of Summer matinee deals around your area. Go bowling. Plan outdoor adventures such as a trip to the lake, canoeing, camping (when weather is mild). This doesn't sound like fun, but give them chores with rewards. This will save YOU in the long run. Plus, accountability is key to rewards and fun.

Hopefully this gave you some ideas and food for thought. Every child is different and so is every parent. There is no right or wrong. There is only what works for you. If it works, then it is right.