"There's More to the Story....."

I was looking back at my posts to see if there were any holes I needed to fill and I found a few. So....here is the long version of what happened with my #2 during preschool and later when he attended kindergarten in our local public school (sorry it's so long):

It was difficult finding the right preschool for our son. He was extremely bright but his language skills were delayed and therefore his social skills were also delayed. We started him off at the same preschool that our oldest went to because we trusted the people there and knew that he would be in a nurturing environment. They also had a structured program and he needed that. He received his special education services there and we saw an improvement. However, because of his delay in language, they did not advice him to move up to the next class the following year and he ended up with kids almost two years younger than he was. When his language skills improved, his special ed. representative advised us to put him in a class with kids his own age so he could learn age-appropriate social skills. Unfortunately, the class was already filled and there were no spots open. We had to find another place.

I did some research and found a Montessori School. I knew some parents who loved it and thought it might work for my #2. However, we did not have luck there. Evidently it was not run the way it was supposed to and we had some inexperienced teachers who did not know how to handle a child like mine. That was one of my biggest disappointments.


I took him out of preschool and tried to find another place. I look back on this time with much disappointment and sadness. I remember calling a particular school and talking to the director over the phone. She told me that there were spots open for his age group and that I should come by and visit the school. I went there with my #2 and my baby girl in a stroller. It didn't take long before I knew that they didn't want him there. All of a sudden she told me how the teachers aren't qualified or "trained professionals" but rather mothers who volunteer. Then she proceeded to tell me that she was so sorry but that there was a misunderstanding about the "open spots" but that she would call me if anything opened up. I remember sobbing in the front seat of my car and thinking to myself, "Why don't they want him?" I prayed that someone would see the sweet and intelligent boy I saw. Needless to say, I never heard back from them. That's okay... it was a blessing. I didn't know it then, but something better was awaiting us.

Just when I was about to give up, I heard about another place. It was a church preschool and they had a wonderful program with great teachers and ABEKA curriculum. I was already familiar with it and loved it. When I visited the school I was so excited! The classes were small in size and the teachers were so sweet. They had computers and a structured environment. However, they also let them be "kids" and that was so important to me. I immediately enrolled him and he loved it there! His teacher fell in love with him and even offered to babysit on the weekends. She told me that it didn't take long for her to figure out that he loved to help her. So...she made him her special helper and he loved that. That was a time I will never forget. He was happy and so we were happy. He was in a class with about a dozen kids. I had great expectations and hopes for kindergarten. I figured that if he could learn how to control himself in that environment then we would be set.


Well....before he started Kindergarten I was notified of his IEP meeting in the mail. I assumed that I would be meeting with his teacher and therefore would be able to give her some input on what has worked with my #2. I was wrong. They told me at the meeting that they didn't know what teacher he would have and so they just had a random kindergarten teacher attend the meeting. (I am sure it was to meet some legal requirement.) I met with a representative from the special education department and my son was discussed as if I wasn't even there. I was told that he was doing extremely well in preschool and he needed "minimal redirection" and that he was intelligent and "on target academically" so he should do well in a regular classroom. They planned on pulling him out for speech therapy and 30 minutes for academics each day. I thought that was a good plan, but I truly did not know what that meant. If I knew then what I know now, I would have insisted on waiting til AFTER school started to have his IEP so that we would know who his teacher was and have her present at the meeting. I also would have insisted that he had a "shadow" for the first few weeks to make sure that he had some consistency. If I knew then what I know now, I would have made sure he had a certain teacher. The teacher that my daughter has now would have been the perfect teacher for him. Like they say, hindsight is always 20/20.

We did all the usual things. We attended the Open House before the first day of school. We met the teacher and I thought she was nice. Her eyes looked a bit tired, but who was I to judge? I was a busy mom of three and probably looked exhausted too. My son seemed excited to start his first day and we were hopeful that things would go well. At this point I am going to write the highlights of each week. He only spent about a little over a month in school so I can remember each day so vividly as if it were just yesterday. It really left an impression on me and I am sure on him as well.

The first week of school went okay. They had a traffic light system for behavior. If you got a green light it was a good day....yellow light meant you had to be reminded a few times about behavior.....red light meant you misbehaved that day. The teacher reassured us that they would get a red light only if they repeatedly disobeyed her. She said that she usually gave them a few chances. Well...my #2 got a yellow light on Wednesday and the rest were green. We were excited. We thought that perhaps they had made a connection and things were going to work out.

The following week it wasn't so good. On Monday we got a letter from the teacher stating that she would be gone due to a family illness and she would be out of state for a couple weeks. She reassured us that the substitute was a great teacher and one she used often. So....he had a substitute the rest of the week. That week was not a good one. He got red lights and lots of notes sent home that he was not listening. On Thursday of that week I got a call from the school telling me that he had accidentally bumped his eye on the desk he was sitting in and it was bleeding. I ended up taking him to the doctor and had a butterfly bandage placed to help it heal. He was left with a scar right by his left eye. I wondered how in the world he could have hurt himself on the rubber-edged desks they have in kindergarten. It didn't make sense. Well.....he wasn't sitting on THOSE... they had placed him in his own separate desk with sharp edges because he couldn't keep his hands to himself. I was so upset! He had dropped a crayon and when he went to pick it up he ended up bumping his eye on the sharp corner of the desk. He could have lost his eye! He ended up having yet another substitute on Friday and did not have a good week in all.

The next week he had a different substitute and it was so different! He got green lights and some notes from the teacher saying how sweet he was. It was like night and day. I was so confused. Why did my child act so differently with each teacher? It wasn't until I actually met the teacher that I understood. She was a very loving and kind-hearted person. She was instinctively nurturing to those kids. I am sure that's why he loved her. I loved her and only knew her for a few minutes. :)

The last few weeks of school were a whirlwind. The teacher came back and with the stress of her family issues combined with her ignorance of my child, she became resentful and showed me in words and actions that she did not want my child in her room. He started to come home with red lights. My son had been tested in reading and "benchmarked" for the year, but she still treated him like he could not read. I decided that I needed to see what was happening and so I began to go to the school and watch her interact with my child and the other students. I witnessed her reprimanding children for touching her. I also saw her belittle a child who was there for the second time. She actually said, "Now.....Mark...you should know this by now...This is your second year in Kindergarten!" I could not believe my eyes or ears! I thought she would be in her best behavior while I was there and it was evident that she didn't care. Although, I must say that I am sure she held back a few times. I saw her expressions a few times and if I were not there I am sure she would have said other things. The other thing I noticed was that she relied on her manual waaaaay too much. Everyone knows that a child's attention span is not very long and if you are reading instead of "teaching" then you are going to lose them. She also used the same "helpers" frequently and did not give all the children an equal opportunity to say the answers. There were times when I could see that my child wanted to help but she did not let him. (Although we had discussed how much he liked to help teachers and how it helped with his behavior at his previous school.) She didn't want to be told how to "do her job" and so I had to just bite my tongue.

The one thing I have failed to mention and is very important to note here is that from the very first day of school I had tried and tried to meet with her. I wanted to discuss my child and things that worked for other teachers. I also wanted to offer her my support and to let her know that I wasn't one of these parents that thought my child was an angel. I knew that it would be a team effort and wanted to start off the year right. However, it never happened. She left town before we could get together and when she got back she showed NO interest in meeting with me.

The next thing that happened was that I got a letter sent home that I needed to meet for a Parent/Teacher conference with the special education department. I thought it would be like another IEP so I was kind of excited to do it. However, it turned out to be an ambush! I was alone without my husband and a "team" of educators proceeded to tell me how my child needed to go to a self-contained classroom at another school. They told me that it was a "wonderful program" and that it would benefit him. His teacher even told me, "my son had the teacher for speech and she's WONDERFUL!" She made a face as if to say, "trust me, this is a good idea." So, I left the meeting feeling overwhelmed and confused.

I decided to check the school out. I was so proud of myself for thinking to do this. I called them and set up a time for me to observe the class and to speak with the teacher. When I walked into the classroom it was evident to me that my child did not belong there. There were kids with diapers and some who were so severely autistic that they were drooling or were in their own little world. I talked to the teacher about my child and she was confused. She told me, "From what you tell me, it doesn't sound like this class would benefit your child. I don't think he belongs here at all. Ya'll just need to get a behavior analysis done and get someone to shadow him for a few days." I was so relieved to finally have someone on my side. It felt good to have validation. I knew deep within my heart that he didn't need to be in a self-contained classroom. He had a few behavior issues we needed to address, but he was more than able to sit and learn in a regular classroom setting.

My next step was to figure out what I should do. I called my child's school and spoke with the special education department. I set up a meeting as soon as possible and the next time I brought my husband, who is also a lawyer. I also came prepared with notes and handouts to give everyone present. I told them that the tactics being used by the teacher were not working and that something needed to be done. My child was being isolated for weeks at a time when he would misbehave and that was cruel. I asked the teacher to let him sit with his peers but she told me that he had to earn that. I tried to tell her that I understood, but why so long? She would not answer me. She tried to downplay it by saying that he was still sitting with the group and was not "isolated"... At that point I lost it!! I am usually a very mild-tempered person but let me tell you, I lost my temper. I stood up and then showed them how my child was sitting in relation to the other kids. I told them how he had hurt his eye on the edge of the table he was sitting in and that the only person who had been hurt in all of this was him and he had a scar to prove it. Then they all got a bit defensive because they saw where this was going. The last thing I remember about this meeting was the district representative saying, "I know Mrs. Miller and I am sure she used all of her resources to work with your child. I am sure she has used positive reinforcement and praise." I just glared at her and kept my mouth shut. That was a turning point for me. That was when I realized that they were on HER side. This meeting was about the TEACHER.... not my child. So....at that point I decided that my child would finish out the week and I would pull him out faster than they could blink. I was done with it and no matter what I said or did at this point, it would only escalate. She was building a case against my child.

 One thing I forgot to mention was that I had questioned her in the first meeting that if he was THAT bad, why did he get so many green lights? Then she got all defensive and said, "okay...I'll keep better track of what he does." The next thing I know, she brings this form to the meeting with things he did minute by minute (to prove a point I am sure) and just makes it look like he is Rosemary's Baby. Of course, it's things like: 8:05- making clicking noises..... 8:15-not following directions...8:30-Touching others....etc.....

If I would have kept a minute-by-minute list of the teacher it would have looked something like this: 8:05-showing signs of PMS...losing temper with children....8:15-not feeling like being touched today, snapping at children.....8:30-can't remember what lesson she is on today...taking about five minutes to figure it out while children have to sit quiet and still on the floor.....8:45- finally starting the lesson and belittling a child who had to repeat kindergarten (wonder if SHE was the teacher who taught him last year?).....etc......

One of my biggest regrets is that I didn't keep better notes. I wish I would have done that and then turned them into the school board. My child was not the only one being treated unkindly or unfairly. Who knows the damage she did to those children? If my child would have stayed in her class, he would not have learned how to read (she totally would help others and skip my child when it came to the reading.....while I was there!), he would have had a lower self-esteem, and his behavior would not have improved but rather decline. I often wonder what ever happened to the child who was mildly autistic and was labeled as a "pervert" in her eyes? I think SHE was the pervert thinking that way! I still don't understand how she could have children and still not understand the mind of a kindergardener. They are still so sweet and innocent. They don't think about where they place their hands. A woman's breasts and butt are just like an arm or leg.

After I started homeschooling my son, I bumped into an old classmate of his at a soccer practice. We ended up on the same team of the local YMCA. We talked a little bit about the school and teacher and then the dad asked me why I had pulled my child out of the school. I didn't want to speak negatively about anyone, especially a teacher, in public so I told him to give me a call. I gave him my number and then looked him straight in the eyes and said, "I have a LOT to tell you and some of it concerns your son." Needless to say, he called me the next day. We talked for about an hour and I told him everything I had observed and he told me things that he had observed and what had happened when he met with the teacher at a PT conference. He told me that she was not teaching the kids properly. She was using the manual too much. (That was MY observation as well.) Then he proceeded to tell me about the steps that he was going to take to ensure that his son remained in school. He wanted to fight the fight. He tried to convince me to put my son back in school and join him. However, I was so beaten at this point that I had nothing left. I wanted to place all of my energy and devotion towards educating my brilliant child.

My story has a happy ending. I feel blessed that my husband is able to provide for us so that we could afford the wonderful private school that we eventually placed him in. It has been our salvation. The school is called Churchill Academy and it's located in Montgomery, Alabama. It's a wonderful school that takes students who have autism, ADD, ADHD, or other challenges but who are very smart. They test the students and place them on level in every subject. So...you can have a child (like mine) who tests a couple grades ahead in math and reading and who is on grade level for the remainder. My son is challenged and is so happy there. The teachers are all experienced and want to be there. It definitely shows. The only negative thing about the school is the tuition. It's extremely expensive and there are a lot of people who probably can't afford it. I have two children who go there and so we basically have another house payment in tuition. However, it is totally worth the peace of mind in knowing that they are in an environment where finally they are appreciated. All the teachers love my children and tell me so. They have a positive attitude about everything there.

I will close with something that happened the first month my #2 attended first grade at Churchill. This was definitely a turning point for me. They have a point system for discipline. If they get a certain amount of points then they earn "Fun Friday" which means they will have a lot of fun that day doing anything from going to see a movie, to roller skating, or having a sock-hop. Well...he had a period of adjustment and the second or third week (can't exactly remember) he did not earn his fun Friday. I grounded him and definitely made it known that I was not happy with him. The following week I got a call from the director of the school. She is such a wonderful lady! Anyways, she began by telling me that she had heard that my son did not have a good week last week. I braced myself and just knew that the next words coming out of her mouth were going to be, "I don't know if it's going to work out." However, I was wrong!! She actually began to explain to me that they try to "use positive reinforcement at the school "and that she had heard that I was "hard on my child. " She said that "not to give up on THEM....that they had many tricks up their sleeve" and that "things would get better. " I almost cried!!! I think she knew. She knew how many times I had been beaten and disappointed. It was almost like she could read my mind. I thanked her for calling me and told her how much I appreciated them. After we hung up I pulled over and sobbed. However, this time.... unlike the previous ...they were tears of joy!
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"Don't ever, ever, ever, give up!"-Winston Churchill
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