I have to thank a good friend of mine who gave me the inspiration to write this post. I think it's long overdue. I can't believe I haven't touched on this since one of my first posts! Here we go............
When I was younger I was taught that it was not polite to stare or to point. You'd be surprised at how many ADULTS I see doing just that! Worse yet, I have witnessed many times when adults just ignore certain kids as if they are not there. I got to thinking about that and I think I know what the problem is. They probably don't know what to say or are worried they might say the wrong thing. I think it's important to let others know how to handle certain situations. I will touch on those that I have observed and have unfortunately experienced personally.
Scenario #1:
You are at a public place and see a child who looks or acts different. They approach you and your child (who is "normal") says, "What's wrong with him/her?" What do you do?
Solution: Whatever you do, don't ignore the question or the child. I think it's important that children know that there is nothing wrong with asking questions but they need to learn how to do it discreetly without hurting other's feelings. The best way to handle this situation is to say something like, "We can talk about that later.... Right now, let's find out what his/her name is. I bet you two can be friends." Later, when the time is right then you can explain things to your child. That will also buy you some time to figure out the best way to explain the handicap to your child. You can also explain how it's rude to point out differences of others.
Scenario #2:
You are approached by a child that you don't know and they give you a hug and possibly say, "I love you."
Solution: Don't be offended. Children with Autism and other disabilities often confuse "like" with "love". They are also learning about personal space. The best way to handle the situation is to accept the hug for what it is and say something like, "You're so sweet. Your mom is lucky to have such a sweet kid." Chances are the mom will be mortified and possibly reprimand the child later. The worst thing you could do is push a child away and make the mother feel worse than they already do.
Scenario #3:
You are at a playground and notice a child who is trying to play with your child. He/she is obviously socially delayed and your child is being mean or ignoring the requests to play.
Solution: This is the perfect opportunity for you to teach your child about being a good friend and accepting others. You can't ignore this kind of behavior. The only exception to this would be if it was obvious that the other child was being abusive or intentionally trying to hurt others without parental correction. You can tell your child, "Sweetie....I would like for you to be a good friend and include him/her. How would you feel if you tried playing with someone and they ignored YOU?"
I could keep going, but I think you get the general idea. The first rule is to not ignore the children of others. This goes for any child. Learn to embrace other's differences. It's not too hard to see the positive in any child. Also, it's not going to hurt your child to play with kids with handicaps. It's important to learn early on that we aren't all perfect. One day your children are going to grow up and become adults. I had to work with adults with autism, blindness, and many other handicaps during my lifetime. They all contributed many things to society. Although there is a stigma of sorts associated with any mental illness or handicap, there is still even more that we just don't know. I think that children with autism were put on this earth for a reason. They are here to teach us tolerance and love. I also think that they see the world in ways that we don't understand. Although it's a true challenge for these individuals, I am sure that there are many creative and inventive things we would lack without some of those people on earth.
My friend who inspired this post said, "Sometimes I think people treat my child as if autism was contagious or something." I am here to tell you that it's not. These kids need the social interaction with other "normal" kids just as much as they do. Also, the best way to support these very stressed-out moms is to show that you care. Don't be judgmental and critical. You only see one little moment in their daily lives. You have no idea what a day is like for these parents. It's definitely a roller coaster of emotions. Some days are good. Others are not so good. In the end, we are all parents who just want what's best for our children. I think it truly takes a village to raise a child. Just remember these things next time you meet one of these special kids.
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Let's try and make love contagious!
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