I am tired of hearing how teachers don't have the time dealing with "these" kids. It breaks my heart every time I see them glaring at that ONE child that seems to have a hard time sitting still. Even though I definitely can empathize with their stress and frustration, there is no excuse for the way that some teachers choose to deal with it.
I have a great respect for teachers. I think that it takes a very special kind of person to do it well. You have to have a lot of patience, a tender heart, provide a structured environment, a lot of love to give, and lastly you need understanding. When my first child went to kindergarden I was excited and apprehensive at the same time. I knew it wouldn't be "smooth sailing" and I was anxious about the first week of school. I was praying that he would end up with a good teacher. In all, it turned out to be a good year but it wasn't without struggles and a lot of work. It didn't take me long to figure out that boys are treated differently from girls in school. It's almost like teachers expect boys to misbehave and so they live up to their expectations. Girls are usually the ones that can sit still for long periods of time and enjoy seat work that usually means coloring and crafts. Boys would much rather go outside and play. They also interact differently and you can see that when they are in line and the boys are wrestling with one another while you will often see the girls holding hands.
I have often wondered why are boys more likely to be diagnosed with ADHD? I believe boys outnumber the girls by three times! Schools are not designed for the kids who think outside the box or who have high energy levels. They are not a place where children are encouraged to socialize with one another. They are often asked to be quiet (even during lunch) and they have cut back on recess so much that they only get about 30 minutes (on a good day) of outside play. This means that they spend most of the day indoors. THEN....when they get home they have homework and that leaves very little time for playing outside and being a kid. IF they have any extracurricular activities who knows what time they finally get to bed. Some kids don't get enough sleep. That is a very vicious cycle. For a "normal" child this can be so stressful.....for a "special" child, this doesn't last very long before the parent can't handle it anymore. I see that a lot!
Are public schools prepared for children with Autism or PDD? I don't think so. My feeling is that there is the best of intentions and the people who work in special education are among the sweetest and most dedicated teachers. However, where is their support? I often hear their frustration and their cries for help. I even had a teacher cry on my shoulder because she felt like the school had failed me. You see....with my #2 we had to pull him out and homeschool him. We tried for about a month at our public school and all they could offer me was to place him in a "self-contained" classroom at another school across town. He is high functioning and extremely bright. The only issue we had was his behavior (things such as making "clicking noises" or invading personal space). However, when he had someone with him he would behave perfectly with minimal redirection. I was smart enough to go check out the school they were talking about. Boy.....was I in for a surprise! I will never forget the feeling I got when I walked through the doors of the classroom and I saw some kids were still in diapers, others were drooling, and others who were in "their own little world". I talked with the teacher (who was wonderful by the way) but after I explained my situation she didn't think he belonged there. I was so relieved to finally have someone on my side!
I went back to the school and had another meeting with the teacher, vice-principal, Special Education people, and District Leader. I asked them who was the one who had suggested that my child go to that school. They would not tell me. Their answer was, "well...we all discussed it." I knew exactly who had suggested it.... it was the teacher. She had 21 students in her class and she was overwhelmed. She didn't have the time to "deal" with my child nor the patience. She had her own problems. She told me, "I have twenty others to teach." I told her, "I have only one #2 and he's my baby." She chose to punish him a week at a time and that was unacceptable. How could he remember why he was being isolated after one, two, or even three days?! Now that I know he has short-term memory issues that REALLY upsets me!! He was basically tortured during those weeks. I just wish I could go back in time. I really do!!
I immediately got the paperwork started for the umbrella to homeschool my #2 and I let him finish out the week. I wrote a letter to the principal explaining why I was pulling my child out and I never looked back. I was tired of playing the game. The system is broken and I wasn't going to use my child to fix it. Many people told me that I should not have pulled him out because that's what they wanted. Well....I must say that I feel fortunate that I could. There are so many people who have no choice. I spoke with another parent during a soccer practice (who I later learned was a teacher) whose child was also in my #2's class and we discussed the teacher. He was having issues with her as well. His son was mildly autistic and he would sometimes poke the teacher at eye-level, which unfortunately happened to be her butt, to get her attention. (I witnessed this during one of my visits.) The teacher had a meeting and told the parents that he was being "inappropriate" by touching her. She made it sound like it was of a sexual nature. I was blown away! After speaking to him and all the things he confided in me, I know I did the right thing.
I used the Abeka curriculum with my son and taught him how to read in about a month. I learned that he had a gift for math and we were able to develop that. We used the local YMCA for sports and we put him on a soccer team. We also tried out gymnastics and he was able to make lots of friends and get the social skills he needed. I also gave him piano lessons and learned he had a gift for the piano as well. Needless to say, I saw him blossom before my eyes. We had the best year and when it was over, I gave him a big graduation party to celebrate his achievements.
There is so much more to the story, but I tried to post the highlights. My point is this: don't let your pride get in the way of your decisions. Sometimes fighting to "make a point" is not necessarily the best answer. Try to weigh your options. I understand that homeschooling is not for everyone. Not everyone can afford private school either. If you have the time, observe the classroom. I did that and found out the teacher was snapping at the kids for touching her and she did other things that I found inappropriate. I observed her for a couple weeks. I was shocked at the things I saw. (Like I said, there is lots more to this story.) It's amazing what you will do once the "mama bear" come out in you. I actually surprised myself!
I wish I knew what the answer was. I know every case is different. I have a friend that fought the system and was able to get her child the help he needed. I have another friend who is working with her daughter's school as a substitute teacher to make sure that she doesn't "slip through the cracks". I just know one thing, and that is that the public school system is not designed for all kids. I just hope and pray that someday changes are made and that this vicious cycle doesn't have to be a "norm" anymore!
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Moms are as sweet as honey with their tender care,
but touch their child and watch out for the Mama Bear!!
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