Recent events have inspired me to write this post. Luckily, and I do mean LUCKILY, this time it wasn't my children involved. It was a dear friend's son who is in Middle School. He is in the autism spectrum and is such a sweet and caring boy. He is big enough to be a linebacker in football, but he wouldn't hurt a fly. He's a big teddy bear. He is dealing with bullying on a daily basis and it's breaking his mother's heart because she feels like she is not getting the support of the school.
We live in a time where some parents don't want to take the time to teach their kids common courtesy and acceptance. In some cases, the parents are worse than the kids. I am so tired of hearing the same old thing, "boys will be boys" or "that's part of Middle School." It doesn't have to be. I think that if parents would just teach their children tolerance and educate them on cultural diversity, then we wouldn't have half the problems we face today. The children are eventually going to grow up to become adults. What kind of adults are we raising?
The dilemma is the following: when is a parent supposed to sit back and let the child deal with his/her own problems and when is a parent supposed to step in and do something? I was faced with a similar situation when MY son attended his first year in Middle School. I was torn because I wanted my son to learn how to stand up for himself. However, I was seeing his self-esteem go downhill very quickly. I eventually visited the school and talked to the Vice Principal. Unfortunately, it didn't change things very much, but I showed my son that I was on his side and that he no longer had to "ignore them" and put up with such abuse. My son and I eventually came up with a game plan and he finished out the year.
My friend has been advised by a professional to "ignore things" and that it was just a normal middle school adjustment thing. She was told that the children were advised to ignore her child. Well... the problem is that they are definitely ignoring him (among other things), which is a form of psychological bullying. Her child came home today and went straight to his room and cried. I can't even imagine what he must be going through. It just breaks my heart. They tease him about his size, his hair, his intelligence, and use tone of voice to degrade him in class. I am concerned that he will reach his limit and "fight" back. Of course, these kids are street smart and so HE will likely get in trouble before anyone else does.
I can't wait for the day when children can go to school and not have to worry about being who they are. I understand that children are not mature and there are some things they will do. However, I also understand that MY children don't bully other kids in school and never have. It's because I have TAUGHT them basic principles such as "Love One Another" and "The Golden Rule", among other things. I have experienced people being critical of the way I raise my children with high standards and morals. They think it's ridiculous that my thirteen year-old boy can't watch certain shows on t.v. or that we won't allow him to go to any school dance until he is fourteen. It's important to stand your ground when it comes to things like that. Otherwise, when bigger and more important "battles" come along then you have the strength and backing to fight them.
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Life lesson #205: sometimes you just need to listen to your gut and dismiss unsolicited advice when it comes to your children..... even the "professionals" don't always have the answers.
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