Have you ever felt like all eyes are on you? Have you ever felt like giving up? Have you ever wondered why you had so much on your plate? Have you ever felt like crawling into bed and crying?
If you answered yes to any of these questions, you are not alone. I wanted you all to know that we are parents who have joined an elite group. We have to work a little harder,a little stronger, and perhaps with a little more discipline than our counterparts. However, the rewards are overwhelmingly bountiful IF you look at the bigger picture. I celebrate small strides and achievements. It is important to do so. I also acknowledge those small miracles that happen all around me. To deny them is equivalent to denying God's presence.
Everyone has moments where they feel like giving up. They feel inadequate. Those feelings of inadequacy are fed by media and judgment from others in the form of looks or comments. You must not compare yourself or your child to anyone else. You are unique and so are they. Even twins are unique and they have the same chromosomal make-up. Therefore, it is fair to say that we all have our own paths and ways of getting to the same destination.
During your journey called "Parenthood" you will find what works for you. Giving up is not an option. Trial and error will become your best friend. I find that even professionals use it. Knowledge is power and with that power comes responsibility. The more you learn the more you will question. The more you question, the more you will add on to what you have learned. You can't deny genetics as one of the leading roles to child's behavior. Sometimes they just come the way they come. The best advice I have for you is to accept those things you can't change, and do everything you can about those things you CAN change! That is the secret to my sanity.
I still consider this blog my therapy. It's important to find an outlet. If writing is not one of your strengths, then find something else you enjoy and do it! Don't let feelings of inadequacy become greater obstacles for you. You are a great parent! You have been entrusted with a very special spirit. This little person that you are raising will one day become an adult. You have NO idea what his/her potential is. There is no way of knowing. All I know is that one day you will look back and see that all your hard work paid off. They are better because of you. In turn, YOU are better because of them.
*************************
Our differences are what
makes the world more
interesting.
************************
Monday, October 4, 2010
Friday, October 1, 2010
Quick Comebacks 101
This has been something I've wanted to do for quite some time. Take the following scenario: You're at McDonald's playground trying to have a relaxing lunch while allowing your children to play. Suddenly you hear a child say, "That kid just spit on me." You instinctively know that it's your child so you go over. Sure enough... you were right! The parent gives you that look that is all too familiar and tells you that your child just spit on theirs. What do you say? What do you do?
This is a list of comebacks that you can use in different situations to help explain (not condone or excuse) your special needs child's behavior.
1)"I'm sorry. We are working on (ex: sharing, not biting, etc...). I will have a talk with him." This works great for a lot of situations, especially when you have a toddler or smaller child. Most people who are parents totally get it. No more explanation is needed. You follow up with your child apologizing to the other. Make sure you do this in front of the other parent.
2) "You'll have to excuse him. He's in the autism spectrum. He doesn't communicate very well." This works great when you either have an older child or one that looks older than he is. Some parents may not realize the age of your child and knowing that they are in the autism spectrum will help clear up immaturity issues or inappropriate things for his age. Plus, this will usually open up things for discussion thus giving you a chance to educate another parent about ASD's! (Autism Spectrum Disorders)
3) "Unfortunately, he mimics behavior and a child just did the very same thing to him just a moment ago." This will not only help explain the behavior, but will show the parent that YOUR child was also a victim thus reducing the "mama bear" feelings.
4) "It's hard being a (age) year old trapped in a (older age) year old body." This comes in handy at any age. Parents often don't realize the age of the child and it helps (depending on the situation) to know that.
5) "Thanks for not being judgmental of my child with autism. You have no idea how hard it is." This will make the other parent feel like they should live up to your expectations and perhaps make them more empathetic.
The following are for rude parents:
6) "(Silence)".... My #1 advice for rude parents is to just not say anything at all! Try ignoring at first and if that doesn't work, then just leave the situation.
7) "Are you having a rough day too?" This might tick them off or just might make them laugh.
8) "Have you seen the Temple Grandin movie?" This is good 'cause maybe you can distract and/or change the emphasis onto something else. I would like to think that most people have good intentions.
Some of these I have heard and a few I have used myself. Hope it gives you all some food for thought.
This is a list of comebacks that you can use in different situations to help explain (not condone or excuse) your special needs child's behavior.
1)"I'm sorry. We are working on (ex: sharing, not biting, etc...). I will have a talk with him." This works great for a lot of situations, especially when you have a toddler or smaller child. Most people who are parents totally get it. No more explanation is needed. You follow up with your child apologizing to the other. Make sure you do this in front of the other parent.
2) "You'll have to excuse him. He's in the autism spectrum. He doesn't communicate very well." This works great when you either have an older child or one that looks older than he is. Some parents may not realize the age of your child and knowing that they are in the autism spectrum will help clear up immaturity issues or inappropriate things for his age. Plus, this will usually open up things for discussion thus giving you a chance to educate another parent about ASD's! (Autism Spectrum Disorders)
3) "Unfortunately, he mimics behavior and a child just did the very same thing to him just a moment ago." This will not only help explain the behavior, but will show the parent that YOUR child was also a victim thus reducing the "mama bear" feelings.
4) "It's hard being a (age) year old trapped in a (older age) year old body." This comes in handy at any age. Parents often don't realize the age of the child and it helps (depending on the situation) to know that.
5) "Thanks for not being judgmental of my child with autism. You have no idea how hard it is." This will make the other parent feel like they should live up to your expectations and perhaps make them more empathetic.
The following are for rude parents:
6) "(Silence)".... My #1 advice for rude parents is to just not say anything at all! Try ignoring at first and if that doesn't work, then just leave the situation.
7) "Are you having a rough day too?" This might tick them off or just might make them laugh.
8) "Have you seen the Temple Grandin movie?" This is good 'cause maybe you can distract and/or change the emphasis onto something else. I would like to think that most people have good intentions.
Some of these I have heard and a few I have used myself. Hope it gives you all some food for thought.
Monday, August 23, 2010
Nobody Does It Better
Have you ever wondered why you were blessed with the kids you have? Whether you adopted or gave birth to your children, I believe they came to you because YOU were meant to be their mother. I've been told this on numerous occasions, and my testimony concerning this sentiment has grown over the years.
I think about my daughter, for example, who seems to be in perfect health but who is battling Wilson's Disease on a daily basis. If I did not advocate for her, who knows where she would be today. Then there is my oldest who is a genius (literally), but who struggles with social delay. I understand him and accept him for who he is in spite of others. I could go on and on with examples of things, but the fact is that nobody could do it better than you.
Every generation has its challenges. Hopefully each one learns from the previous one and adds knowledge and experience. As the years go on things will only get harder and more challenging. However, knowing that motherhood is a divine calling can help you in many ways. If you're lucky enough to have a living mother, then don't forget you can always call on her for advice. If not, prayer works wonders! It's amazing how much I've been able to help the "professionals" with the help of my Heavenly Father. Never underestimate the power of inspiration.
Lastly, there may come a time when your values are questioned or even challenged. Never give in! Remember that Satan is VERY real and his influence is all around us. Sometimes he comes in the form of media on t.v. or language in a book. He might even come in the form of doubt. Doubt is a very powerful thing. Just remember that TRUE happiness comes only from doing what is right. There are no shorcuts.
*************************************
Nobody does it better.... sometimes I
wish someone could.
*************************************
I think about my daughter, for example, who seems to be in perfect health but who is battling Wilson's Disease on a daily basis. If I did not advocate for her, who knows where she would be today. Then there is my oldest who is a genius (literally), but who struggles with social delay. I understand him and accept him for who he is in spite of others. I could go on and on with examples of things, but the fact is that nobody could do it better than you.
Every generation has its challenges. Hopefully each one learns from the previous one and adds knowledge and experience. As the years go on things will only get harder and more challenging. However, knowing that motherhood is a divine calling can help you in many ways. If you're lucky enough to have a living mother, then don't forget you can always call on her for advice. If not, prayer works wonders! It's amazing how much I've been able to help the "professionals" with the help of my Heavenly Father. Never underestimate the power of inspiration.
Lastly, there may come a time when your values are questioned or even challenged. Never give in! Remember that Satan is VERY real and his influence is all around us. Sometimes he comes in the form of media on t.v. or language in a book. He might even come in the form of doubt. Doubt is a very powerful thing. Just remember that TRUE happiness comes only from doing what is right. There are no shorcuts.
*************************************
Nobody does it better.... sometimes I
wish someone could.
*************************************
Wednesday, July 21, 2010
Dealing With "Galzin Indigestion"
My daughter has been taking Galzin now for a few years. At first we didn't have a single side effect and I was so excited. I did my research and found that many people get stomach upset with this particular drug. I was thankful that my daughter was not among those. Well... NOW we are facing some issues with tummy aches in the morning. I wanted to share what we are doing just in case anyone out there is facing the same issue.
Her dose is three times a day and so we give the morning dose with a little food. I make sure that whatever she eats doesn't have fiber. I read that fiber will basically counteract the medicine. She might eat scrambled eggs or some cheese or lunch meat. She seems to do a lot better when we remember to do this. We have been doing this for months and at her last appointment her liver enzymes were still going down. This is good news!
I have a theory about this. I know that theoretically she takes her meds on an empty stomach, but the morning dose is probably the only one she takes on a truly empty stomach. Therefore, it REALLY is hard on her little tummy. I call it "Galzin indigestion" since she is basically digesting only the Galzin in the morning. I am hopeful that it will get better with time or else she will have to get used to it. So far she is a trooper about taking her medicine. It can be an inconvenience at times, but she handles it very well.
*******************************
We call Galzin our magic blue
pill. It has been a miraculous
pharmaceutical invention!
*******************************
Her dose is three times a day and so we give the morning dose with a little food. I make sure that whatever she eats doesn't have fiber. I read that fiber will basically counteract the medicine. She might eat scrambled eggs or some cheese or lunch meat. She seems to do a lot better when we remember to do this. We have been doing this for months and at her last appointment her liver enzymes were still going down. This is good news!
I have a theory about this. I know that theoretically she takes her meds on an empty stomach, but the morning dose is probably the only one she takes on a truly empty stomach. Therefore, it REALLY is hard on her little tummy. I call it "Galzin indigestion" since she is basically digesting only the Galzin in the morning. I am hopeful that it will get better with time or else she will have to get used to it. So far she is a trooper about taking her medicine. It can be an inconvenience at times, but she handles it very well.
*******************************
We call Galzin our magic blue
pill. It has been a miraculous
pharmaceutical invention!
*******************************
Tuesday, July 13, 2010
The Genetic Factor
I've had a recent revelation. So far at least half of my husband's siblings or close relatives have a child with a learning disability or in the autism spectrum. This definitely proves (at least in my family) that there is a genetic component.
I found this very interesting article. It was published June 9, 2010. VERY recent information about genetic research. Evidently, they have found dozens of gene mutations implicated in autism. However, if I may quote from the article: "Interestingly, not all the genetic defects were inherited from the child's parents. Rather, they seem to have arisen during fetal development or infancy." This is the part that I KNOW is the environmental "trigger" I have ALWAYS believed in!
Copy and paste the following link and you can read the entire article:
http://www.aolnews.com/health/article/latest-genetic-research-may-help-decode-autism/19509927
I found this very interesting article. It was published June 9, 2010. VERY recent information about genetic research. Evidently, they have found dozens of gene mutations implicated in autism. However, if I may quote from the article: "Interestingly, not all the genetic defects were inherited from the child's parents. Rather, they seem to have arisen during fetal development or infancy." This is the part that I KNOW is the environmental "trigger" I have ALWAYS believed in!
Copy and paste the following link and you can read the entire article:
http://www.aolnews.com/health/article/latest-genetic-research-may-help-decode-autism/19509927
Saturday, July 3, 2010
After Rain Comes the Rainbow
It's only when you go through trials that you can appreciate the good things. For example, I have been through some tough times with my #2 and my daughter and so now I feel like I am reaping from all my hard work and dedication as a mother. I appreciate every little thing that I perceive as progress or moving forward.
I had a story to share that I thought was appropriate. You might actually find it inspirational. Yesterday we went to the pool. We usually live at the pool during the summer. It's our favorite place to hang out. The summer break is halfway over and so the kids are starting to fight a little bit more than usual. I guess they are getting tired of being with each other 24/7. I can totally relate.
My older two were playing at the pool with a new toy that I had purchased. It is shaped like a torpedo and you are supposed to pass it under the water. It is relatively heavy and made of a hard rubber. My oldest got the idea to try and skim it over the water so that it would go faster. Well... it definitely worked, but unfortunately it skimmed over the water at top speed right into my #2's nose! Poor guy screamed his head off and blood started to gush out his nose immediately. I panicked but tried to remain calm. The blood would not stop. Luckily for me, my dear friend was with me and she knew the trick to helping it stop. We put a rolled up piece of bandage under his upper lip to put pressure on the vessel. It worked! I also put pressure at the bridge of his nose. It finally stopped bleeding and after about thirty minutes I was able to remove it without worries.
The sweet part of the story was that although they had been fighting for days and morning was no exception... when it came down to it, my #1 was worried sick about his little brother. He would not stop apologizing and kept looking at him and asking if he was okay. Later after we left the pool, he told me in private that it would be okay to let his little brother play on his laptop. (That is a major deal in our household!) Even today... a day later he is still looking out for him. My younger two wanted to go swimming and my #1 said, "No.. we can't go swimming. His nose might bleed." He was genuinely concerned about his well being.
There are two lessons I leared from this:
#1) No matter how much you see your children fight and argue, deep inside they truly love each other. It's at times like this that you see it.
#2) The cautions on toys are there for a reason. On the side of the toy is written in bold: "CAUTION: Do not throw toy above the water or at another person."
****************************
I definitely prefer lessons
learned that don't involve
trips to the emergency room.
*****************************
I had a story to share that I thought was appropriate. You might actually find it inspirational. Yesterday we went to the pool. We usually live at the pool during the summer. It's our favorite place to hang out. The summer break is halfway over and so the kids are starting to fight a little bit more than usual. I guess they are getting tired of being with each other 24/7. I can totally relate.
My older two were playing at the pool with a new toy that I had purchased. It is shaped like a torpedo and you are supposed to pass it under the water. It is relatively heavy and made of a hard rubber. My oldest got the idea to try and skim it over the water so that it would go faster. Well... it definitely worked, but unfortunately it skimmed over the water at top speed right into my #2's nose! Poor guy screamed his head off and blood started to gush out his nose immediately. I panicked but tried to remain calm. The blood would not stop. Luckily for me, my dear friend was with me and she knew the trick to helping it stop. We put a rolled up piece of bandage under his upper lip to put pressure on the vessel. It worked! I also put pressure at the bridge of his nose. It finally stopped bleeding and after about thirty minutes I was able to remove it without worries.
The sweet part of the story was that although they had been fighting for days and morning was no exception... when it came down to it, my #1 was worried sick about his little brother. He would not stop apologizing and kept looking at him and asking if he was okay. Later after we left the pool, he told me in private that it would be okay to let his little brother play on his laptop. (That is a major deal in our household!) Even today... a day later he is still looking out for him. My younger two wanted to go swimming and my #1 said, "No.. we can't go swimming. His nose might bleed." He was genuinely concerned about his well being.
There are two lessons I leared from this:
#1) No matter how much you see your children fight and argue, deep inside they truly love each other. It's at times like this that you see it.
#2) The cautions on toys are there for a reason. On the side of the toy is written in bold: "CAUTION: Do not throw toy above the water or at another person."
****************************
I definitely prefer lessons
learned that don't involve
trips to the emergency room.
*****************************
Tuesday, June 29, 2010
Finding the Right Kind of Help
When you have a child in the autism spectrum there are many issues that you have to face as a parent. The first, and most important, is the physical AND mental well-being of your child. The physical is probably the most apparent for most parents. However, it seems like the mental or emotional part is more challenging for most.
The fact is that sometimes we need the help from professionals. Not only does the child benefit, but the parents as well. I have a friend who has great health insurance and it covers her child's visits to a Psychologist once a week! I wish I were so lucky! She takes full advantage of it and is able to not only get help for her child, but also gets counseling for herself.
I am extremely lucky to have wonderful support from family and friends. I can pick up the phone right now and I know that they would understand and be a listening ear when I need it. There are many who are not so lucky. The stigma of going to a doctor for help is slowly changing. More and more people are talking openly about it. Maybe it's the media... maybe it's that we're more open-minded. I strongly believe that the main reason is that there are more people now who seek professional counseling. There is nothing wrong with it and it doesn't make you weak. On the contrary, it makes you stronger.
My hope is that whoever is out there struggling with the decision of whether to get help or not, will do so. Don't wait. Don't wait until all hope is gone or you feel like there is no other alternative. You CAN get the support you need. There ARE people out there who understand. I promise you that there is someone out there who has the same values and thought process as you. You just need to seek them out. My friend has to drive over an hour to seek help, but she does it. It definitely puts things in perspective for me.
If you end up with someone you don't like or who doesn't have the same value system you do, then look elsewhere. You don't have to give up. I have seen how persistence pays off. This is definitely something worth fighting for.
*****************************
I urge you to check this out:
http://www.nimh.nih.gov/health/topics/autism-spectrum-disorders-pervasive-developmental-disorders/index.shtml
******************************
The fact is that sometimes we need the help from professionals. Not only does the child benefit, but the parents as well. I have a friend who has great health insurance and it covers her child's visits to a Psychologist once a week! I wish I were so lucky! She takes full advantage of it and is able to not only get help for her child, but also gets counseling for herself.
I am extremely lucky to have wonderful support from family and friends. I can pick up the phone right now and I know that they would understand and be a listening ear when I need it. There are many who are not so lucky. The stigma of going to a doctor for help is slowly changing. More and more people are talking openly about it. Maybe it's the media... maybe it's that we're more open-minded. I strongly believe that the main reason is that there are more people now who seek professional counseling. There is nothing wrong with it and it doesn't make you weak. On the contrary, it makes you stronger.
My hope is that whoever is out there struggling with the decision of whether to get help or not, will do so. Don't wait. Don't wait until all hope is gone or you feel like there is no other alternative. You CAN get the support you need. There ARE people out there who understand. I promise you that there is someone out there who has the same values and thought process as you. You just need to seek them out. My friend has to drive over an hour to seek help, but she does it. It definitely puts things in perspective for me.
If you end up with someone you don't like or who doesn't have the same value system you do, then look elsewhere. You don't have to give up. I have seen how persistence pays off. This is definitely something worth fighting for.
*****************************
I urge you to check this out:
http://www.nimh.nih.gov/health/topics/autism-spectrum-disorders-pervasive-developmental-disorders/index.shtml
******************************
Tuesday, June 22, 2010
Wilson's Disease Miracle
I realized that it has been a long time since I wrote about Wilson's Disease. It comes in cycles since my daughter has to go to Children's Hospital every six months. Every time I go I am reminded about her condition and that her health is such a blessing. I am still optimistic, but unfortunately the doctors have a way of always reminding me that she is still young and that things could change once she is older. I try not to let it get to me.
I have concluded that my daughter is a Wilson's Disease miracle. Everywhere I read that people have all kinds of side effects on their meds and so far she hasn't... except for the occasional upset stomach which seems to be remedied by giving her morning dose with a little food. Her liver enzymes are getting better. They are still not "normal" but they keep going down and are at almost normal range, which is definitely something the doctors were not expecting but were hoping for.
I have concluded that miracles happen every day. However, we have to keep our minds open. God has a silent and reverent way of teaching us. If we would just take the time to get away from all the chaos and commotion in our lives, we can actually feel his presence in our lives. I believe that our daughter is a testament of what can be achieved when we pray and have faith. I have prayed for my daughter, for the doctors, and for myself. I honestly believe that my prayers were answered and that because I acted on my promptings that we are blessed today.
*********************
God answers prayers.
*********************
I have concluded that my daughter is a Wilson's Disease miracle. Everywhere I read that people have all kinds of side effects on their meds and so far she hasn't... except for the occasional upset stomach which seems to be remedied by giving her morning dose with a little food. Her liver enzymes are getting better. They are still not "normal" but they keep going down and are at almost normal range, which is definitely something the doctors were not expecting but were hoping for.
I have concluded that miracles happen every day. However, we have to keep our minds open. God has a silent and reverent way of teaching us. If we would just take the time to get away from all the chaos and commotion in our lives, we can actually feel his presence in our lives. I believe that our daughter is a testament of what can be achieved when we pray and have faith. I have prayed for my daughter, for the doctors, and for myself. I honestly believe that my prayers were answered and that because I acted on my promptings that we are blessed today.
*********************
God answers prayers.
*********************
Wednesday, May 26, 2010
Do You Have Autism... Or Does Autism Have You?
There is a consensus among the medical community that since there is no "known cause" for autism then we just need to treat the symptoms. I challenge the medical community to look at it this way: perhaps if we could diagnose a child EARLY on with autism then there could be less symptoms to treat!! Imagine that.... early intervention making a difference. Makes so much sense to parents.... why not the doctors?
When I found out that my child was delayed in speech I took the "bull by the horns" and got therapy. Guess what happened? He learned to speak and communicate better. His social skills improved and there was less issues with behavior.
When I found out that my daughter had Wilson's Disease I took the "bull by the horns" and got treatment. If we would have waited for her to "get sick" then we would have had a totally different prognosis.
I want to challenge all of you out there who have a child with unique circumstances to fight for treatment and services! We have to find out why the symptoms are there and what the triggers are. Don't rely on doctors giving you all the answers. You MUST do the research and do whatever necessary to give your child a fighting chance. There is a reason why you're the parent. There is a reason why your child was sent to you.
The consensus among parents is that they often feel alone and abandoned once they reach the diagnosis stage for their child. That's such a tragedy! There are tons of books, support groups, and blogs out there. Find the ones that best fit your needs. The possibilities are endless.
*******************************
When you get the chance, read
about Temple Grandin.
*******************************
When I found out that my child was delayed in speech I took the "bull by the horns" and got therapy. Guess what happened? He learned to speak and communicate better. His social skills improved and there was less issues with behavior.
When I found out that my daughter had Wilson's Disease I took the "bull by the horns" and got treatment. If we would have waited for her to "get sick" then we would have had a totally different prognosis.
I want to challenge all of you out there who have a child with unique circumstances to fight for treatment and services! We have to find out why the symptoms are there and what the triggers are. Don't rely on doctors giving you all the answers. You MUST do the research and do whatever necessary to give your child a fighting chance. There is a reason why you're the parent. There is a reason why your child was sent to you.
The consensus among parents is that they often feel alone and abandoned once they reach the diagnosis stage for their child. That's such a tragedy! There are tons of books, support groups, and blogs out there. Find the ones that best fit your needs. The possibilities are endless.
*******************************
When you get the chance, read
about Temple Grandin.
*******************************
Wednesday, May 19, 2010
Alternative Therapies for Autism
I spoke with my mom today and she mentioned something about an alternative therapy for Autism she heard about on the news. It was the hyperbaric chamber. I found this article online: http://abcnews.go.com/Health/AutismNews/story?id=7070353&page=1 (just copy and paste to view). The results sound very promising!
Another treatment option that I have recently discovered is the ENLISTEN PROGRAM. Although I am not endorsing it, I know of many parents who have used it and have seen results! Here is their official website for more information: http://www.progresscenter.us/home/index.php?option=com_content&view=article&id=15&Itemid=15
There is not a "magic pill" or treatment that will cure autism, but there are numerous treatment options out there. You must have an open mind. Doctors will not tell you about these options because of fear that they will get sued or that they will be seen as "quacks" by their peers. However, more and more medical professionals are seeing the benefits of some of these unconventional treatments.
Take the time and do your own research. You might be surprised at what you find.
***************************
Unfortunately, right now we
can only treat the symptoms
of autism. Perhaps one day
we will find the cause or
the cure. In the meantime
let's join forces and share
what we find. It's a matter
of necessity.
***************************
Another treatment option that I have recently discovered is the ENLISTEN PROGRAM. Although I am not endorsing it, I know of many parents who have used it and have seen results! Here is their official website for more information: http://www.progresscenter.us/home/index.php?option=com_content&view=article&id=15&Itemid=15
There is not a "magic pill" or treatment that will cure autism, but there are numerous treatment options out there. You must have an open mind. Doctors will not tell you about these options because of fear that they will get sued or that they will be seen as "quacks" by their peers. However, more and more medical professionals are seeing the benefits of some of these unconventional treatments.
Take the time and do your own research. You might be surprised at what you find.
***************************
Unfortunately, right now we
can only treat the symptoms
of autism. Perhaps one day
we will find the cause or
the cure. In the meantime
let's join forces and share
what we find. It's a matter
of necessity.
***************************
Saturday, May 1, 2010
Let Me Count My Blessings
Kudos go out to all the single moms and dads out there who do the parenting thing every day by themselves. I honestly don't know how they do it! It's enough to drive me insane having to do it for a few days or a week. I've had friends whose husbands went overseas for deployment in the military, and they had to do it alone for MONTHS! They are among the strongest individuals I know.
Its truly amazing to see how much you are capable of when tested. You have no idea what your limits are until they are tested. Patience, frugality, organizational skills, and ingenuity are among some of the things that I have personally gleaned from having to do things on my own. Sometimes I take it for granted that my husband will do certain things. We truly make a good team. However, when he's gone I am reminded of all the ways he makes things easier for me and the family. The biggest thing I miss when he's gone is the moral support. It can be mentally exhausting raising four busy kids. My oldest is finally calming down and is able to help more, but he still demands a lot of attention and still needs me for validation. He still likes for me to go to the school and never hesitates to give me a hug. I am so glad that the transition into the teenage years has gone so smoothly.
I love my husband more than words can say. He's truly my soul mate. I can't imagine my life any other way.... even with all the crazy things I have to deal with. He has a way of calming me down when I want to lose it. He has a way of helping me put things in perspective. He is truly an example to me of what a humble servant of God should be like. Last, but not least, he makes me feel like the best mom and wife in the world. That's a feat in itself because (as many of you probably can relate) I don't often feel that way.
It is humbling to know that I am among the minority in the world. All around me I see so many couples getting divorced or having difficulty. It often stems from having to deal with different issues associated with having children with special needs. They say that it either brings a couple closer together or else tears them apart. Every obstacle we've had has only brought us closer together and I feel truly blessed for that. I think all couples need time together and we make time for dates and time away from the children. We're blessed to have a built-in babysitter now who does a great job. We also try and make time to pursue our own interests either with other people or on our own. We don't have a secret formula, but we do try to keep a Christ-centered home and marriage. With all the chaos in the world, we've created a safe haven where we can get away from it all and get a head start on eternity.
Its truly amazing to see how much you are capable of when tested. You have no idea what your limits are until they are tested. Patience, frugality, organizational skills, and ingenuity are among some of the things that I have personally gleaned from having to do things on my own. Sometimes I take it for granted that my husband will do certain things. We truly make a good team. However, when he's gone I am reminded of all the ways he makes things easier for me and the family. The biggest thing I miss when he's gone is the moral support. It can be mentally exhausting raising four busy kids. My oldest is finally calming down and is able to help more, but he still demands a lot of attention and still needs me for validation. He still likes for me to go to the school and never hesitates to give me a hug. I am so glad that the transition into the teenage years has gone so smoothly.
I love my husband more than words can say. He's truly my soul mate. I can't imagine my life any other way.... even with all the crazy things I have to deal with. He has a way of calming me down when I want to lose it. He has a way of helping me put things in perspective. He is truly an example to me of what a humble servant of God should be like. Last, but not least, he makes me feel like the best mom and wife in the world. That's a feat in itself because (as many of you probably can relate) I don't often feel that way.
It is humbling to know that I am among the minority in the world. All around me I see so many couples getting divorced or having difficulty. It often stems from having to deal with different issues associated with having children with special needs. They say that it either brings a couple closer together or else tears them apart. Every obstacle we've had has only brought us closer together and I feel truly blessed for that. I think all couples need time together and we make time for dates and time away from the children. We're blessed to have a built-in babysitter now who does a great job. We also try and make time to pursue our own interests either with other people or on our own. We don't have a secret formula, but we do try to keep a Christ-centered home and marriage. With all the chaos in the world, we've created a safe haven where we can get away from it all and get a head start on eternity.
Tuesday, April 20, 2010
Inspiration Comes in Crazy Ways
Sometimes it takes a good book to inspire things in you that you didn't know existed. I have always planned on writing a book about my life experiences and thought it would be therapeutic for me. However, I am going to count this blog as that book for the time being.
I recently finished a book series that literally left me wanting more. I wrote an additional chapter for my own pleasure and shared it with a few people. During that process I realized that I haven't had that outlet in a very long time. I enjoy this blog, but my true passion lies in writing novels. I have written a few in my lifetime but never had the urge to get them published.
The only reason I am even sharing this with all of you reading this is because I am going to use some of my knowledge in genetics, autism, and biology to write my next novel. I think it is going to be so much fun writing it! I've always loved the saying, "when life gives you lemons, make lemonade." Well... in essence I am going to do just that. I am going to use my life experiences and knowledge to create a work that hopefully will inspire others just as the books I recently finished did for me.
********************************
The only limits you have to your
potential is YOU!
********************************
I recently finished a book series that literally left me wanting more. I wrote an additional chapter for my own pleasure and shared it with a few people. During that process I realized that I haven't had that outlet in a very long time. I enjoy this blog, but my true passion lies in writing novels. I have written a few in my lifetime but never had the urge to get them published.
The only reason I am even sharing this with all of you reading this is because I am going to use some of my knowledge in genetics, autism, and biology to write my next novel. I think it is going to be so much fun writing it! I've always loved the saying, "when life gives you lemons, make lemonade." Well... in essence I am going to do just that. I am going to use my life experiences and knowledge to create a work that hopefully will inspire others just as the books I recently finished did for me.
********************************
The only limits you have to your
potential is YOU!
********************************
Monday, April 12, 2010
Our Family Spring Camp Out
We finally did it!!! I couldn't believe it. The last time we tried to get away, I ended up with strep throat. This time, our daughter got bronchitis. However, she pleaded that we go and so we gave it a try. I told my husband that if she looked like she was getting ANY worse then we would pack our bags and cut our losses. We had already booked our cabin and we couldn't get our money back. I figured there was nothing to lose.
We arrived late Friday night and the weather was perfect. It was cool with low humidity. We didn't even have to turn on the AC the entire time we were there! (Yes, our cabin had all of the modern amenities such as AC, bathroom, and kitchen.) That evening was tough getting to sleep. ALL the kids were wired and just wanted to play. The bedroom had two full sized beds and so we divided up the sleeping arrangements right away. We had the younger two sleep in the other bed and the older two slept in the living room area. One slept on the couch and the other slept on the floor. Amazingly, they didn't fight over the couch!
The next morning we all woke up at about the same time. I made sure to bring LOTS of food and so we had a good breakfast. The kids could choose from waffles, oatmeal, poptarts, and other quick meals. Everyone ate very well. The dad took the older two on a hike, while the rest of us stayed and played around the cabin. The cabin was situated close to the lake and there were woods behind us. We walked around and went "exploring" to see what there was. I took lots of good pictures. The cabin itself reminded me a lot of Little House on the Prairie, except it had a screened in front porch with rocking chairs. According to the pamphlet, it was among the original cabins built in 1938. The doors had original hardware on them and the logs looked ancient! I caught myself laying on the bed and just admiring the craftsmanship of the place. It was truly amazing to think that this place was built so long ago.
When the guys returned from their hike we went to Callaway Gardens. It was the perfect time of year to walk among the beautiful gardens and flowers. The butterfly sanctuary was definitely our #4's favorite thing to do while we were there. We had to go back a second time because he was relentless. Our #2 also enjoyed it and tried very hard to stand still and encourage the butterflies to land on him. Unfortunately, there were masses of people there and they were rude and bumped into him and basically made it impossible to stay still. I was so proud of him for not giving up and for not getting frustrated. We did a lot of walking and looking at nature. I thought the kids were going to get bored, but they had a wonderful time. They kept spotting squirrels and wildlife around us. It is so much fun seeing things through a child's eyes.
That evening we decided to roast marshmallows over an open fire outside the cabin. We sent the kids out to look for wood and they had a blast. Our oldest was able to find a lot of smaller twigs (they were the ones to be used for the marshmallow roasting), while my #2 hunted for the larger pieces of wood. My younger two also contributed to the stash of wood. I had envisioned my eldest and husband starting the fire and then the boys basically keeping it alive. It worked out exactly like I planned. I never thought I would see the day when anyone in our family would actually get tired of roasted marshmallows! We went through a bag and a half before I could see everyone a bit lethargic and mellow. It was the perfect ending to a perfect day.
The following morning we had to be out by 11:00am. I thought we would wake up early and be able to do a couple things before heading out, but it didn't work out quite like I planned. We ended up sleeping in and did not get out of bed until almost 9:30am! It took us about an hour to pack up and clean out the cabin. I thought we did good. I woke up with a sore throat and sore back, but other than that I wasn't feeling too bad. Two adults and a four year-old don't fit very well on a double bed. However, somehow.. someway, we managed it and my back sure paid the price!
Our ride home was not too bad. It was an hour and a half drive. We are used to that since we visit grandparents about the same distance. We took the truck so the kids were in the "fun" car. They love the shiny new red extended cabin truck that their dad bought last year. I have to admit that it's a fun car to drive and to ride in. It sure beats my minivan. When we arrived at our house, I walked in and the first thing I noticed was the smell. My sense of smell hasn't been good lately, but there is nothing like the familiar smells of home. I went straight to my room and laid on the bed. The feeling of that familiar comfort and softness of my new pillow was almost enough to make me pass out right then and there. However, my moment was short lived when the "gang" stormed into the room and asked, "What's for lunch?" I took a deep breath and smiled and said, "Let's see what's in the freezer. If not, ya'll are eating PB & J sandwiches."
**************************************
A cabin in the woods at Pine Mountain,
Georgia...$100.00/night..........
A weekend without t.v. and nintendo
DS.... priceless!!!
**************************************
We arrived late Friday night and the weather was perfect. It was cool with low humidity. We didn't even have to turn on the AC the entire time we were there! (Yes, our cabin had all of the modern amenities such as AC, bathroom, and kitchen.) That evening was tough getting to sleep. ALL the kids were wired and just wanted to play. The bedroom had two full sized beds and so we divided up the sleeping arrangements right away. We had the younger two sleep in the other bed and the older two slept in the living room area. One slept on the couch and the other slept on the floor. Amazingly, they didn't fight over the couch!
The next morning we all woke up at about the same time. I made sure to bring LOTS of food and so we had a good breakfast. The kids could choose from waffles, oatmeal, poptarts, and other quick meals. Everyone ate very well. The dad took the older two on a hike, while the rest of us stayed and played around the cabin. The cabin was situated close to the lake and there were woods behind us. We walked around and went "exploring" to see what there was. I took lots of good pictures. The cabin itself reminded me a lot of Little House on the Prairie, except it had a screened in front porch with rocking chairs. According to the pamphlet, it was among the original cabins built in 1938. The doors had original hardware on them and the logs looked ancient! I caught myself laying on the bed and just admiring the craftsmanship of the place. It was truly amazing to think that this place was built so long ago.
When the guys returned from their hike we went to Callaway Gardens. It was the perfect time of year to walk among the beautiful gardens and flowers. The butterfly sanctuary was definitely our #4's favorite thing to do while we were there. We had to go back a second time because he was relentless. Our #2 also enjoyed it and tried very hard to stand still and encourage the butterflies to land on him. Unfortunately, there were masses of people there and they were rude and bumped into him and basically made it impossible to stay still. I was so proud of him for not giving up and for not getting frustrated. We did a lot of walking and looking at nature. I thought the kids were going to get bored, but they had a wonderful time. They kept spotting squirrels and wildlife around us. It is so much fun seeing things through a child's eyes.
That evening we decided to roast marshmallows over an open fire outside the cabin. We sent the kids out to look for wood and they had a blast. Our oldest was able to find a lot of smaller twigs (they were the ones to be used for the marshmallow roasting), while my #2 hunted for the larger pieces of wood. My younger two also contributed to the stash of wood. I had envisioned my eldest and husband starting the fire and then the boys basically keeping it alive. It worked out exactly like I planned. I never thought I would see the day when anyone in our family would actually get tired of roasted marshmallows! We went through a bag and a half before I could see everyone a bit lethargic and mellow. It was the perfect ending to a perfect day.
The following morning we had to be out by 11:00am. I thought we would wake up early and be able to do a couple things before heading out, but it didn't work out quite like I planned. We ended up sleeping in and did not get out of bed until almost 9:30am! It took us about an hour to pack up and clean out the cabin. I thought we did good. I woke up with a sore throat and sore back, but other than that I wasn't feeling too bad. Two adults and a four year-old don't fit very well on a double bed. However, somehow.. someway, we managed it and my back sure paid the price!
Our ride home was not too bad. It was an hour and a half drive. We are used to that since we visit grandparents about the same distance. We took the truck so the kids were in the "fun" car. They love the shiny new red extended cabin truck that their dad bought last year. I have to admit that it's a fun car to drive and to ride in. It sure beats my minivan. When we arrived at our house, I walked in and the first thing I noticed was the smell. My sense of smell hasn't been good lately, but there is nothing like the familiar smells of home. I went straight to my room and laid on the bed. The feeling of that familiar comfort and softness of my new pillow was almost enough to make me pass out right then and there. However, my moment was short lived when the "gang" stormed into the room and asked, "What's for lunch?" I took a deep breath and smiled and said, "Let's see what's in the freezer. If not, ya'll are eating PB & J sandwiches."
**************************************
A cabin in the woods at Pine Mountain,
Georgia...$100.00/night..........
A weekend without t.v. and nintendo
DS.... priceless!!!
**************************************
Wednesday, March 31, 2010
Good Neighbors
Today I was just thinking that we are truly blessed to have good neighbors. I know I can depend on them, and they know they can depend on me. Right now my #2 is playing baseball in my neighbor's backyard with a boy his own age and they are having a "ball"...pardon the pun. My daughter has tons of friends in the neighborhood who are in her class! That is really nice.
What makes a good neighbor? That is a good question. I believe a good neighbor is one who knows your name, is friendly, gives you enough space but also feels comfortable enough to approach you, and is not quick to judge. I have met some people who have been very judgemental. I remember one neighbor asking me if I was a member of the Junior League and then avoiding me once she found out I was not. I also recall a neighbor who judged me because of the church I attended. I think those people are missing out on a lot of wonderful experiences because of their narrow-minded thinking.
The most important thing, in my opinion, is to be a good neighbor yourself. I learned a lot after living in our first home about first impressions. There is no way to get that moment back. I also learned that sometimes people seem snobby but they are actually just shy or unsure about the situation. I have learned to step out of my comfort zone and reach out to those in my neighborhood. There are many needs in my street alone and I try to do the Christian thing and help when I can. Our church is good about taking care of our members, but other churches are not eager to help out. It is also important to educate others about my children. Having four children is an issue in itself because many don't want four additional children in their home at one time... which is understandable. I would never do that to anyone, but THEY don't know that. Also, I am not quick to let my children enter ANYONE'S home unless I know them. I guess I am just cautious that way.
Summer is around the corner and we need to reach out to our neighbors in friendship. Make it a point to get to know those with children. Don't hesitate to call them and invite the children over to your house. They don't have to come inside. They could just play outside and get some vitamin D. My point is that don't wait for people to come to you... go to them. I just received a call from my neighbor and they are having such a good time that she wants my #2 to stay over for pizza!!! We've lived here for over seven years and that is the first time he has been over there. Life can be so wonderful when you give it a chance.
What makes a good neighbor? That is a good question. I believe a good neighbor is one who knows your name, is friendly, gives you enough space but also feels comfortable enough to approach you, and is not quick to judge. I have met some people who have been very judgemental. I remember one neighbor asking me if I was a member of the Junior League and then avoiding me once she found out I was not. I also recall a neighbor who judged me because of the church I attended. I think those people are missing out on a lot of wonderful experiences because of their narrow-minded thinking.
The most important thing, in my opinion, is to be a good neighbor yourself. I learned a lot after living in our first home about first impressions. There is no way to get that moment back. I also learned that sometimes people seem snobby but they are actually just shy or unsure about the situation. I have learned to step out of my comfort zone and reach out to those in my neighborhood. There are many needs in my street alone and I try to do the Christian thing and help when I can. Our church is good about taking care of our members, but other churches are not eager to help out. It is also important to educate others about my children. Having four children is an issue in itself because many don't want four additional children in their home at one time... which is understandable. I would never do that to anyone, but THEY don't know that. Also, I am not quick to let my children enter ANYONE'S home unless I know them. I guess I am just cautious that way.
Summer is around the corner and we need to reach out to our neighbors in friendship. Make it a point to get to know those with children. Don't hesitate to call them and invite the children over to your house. They don't have to come inside. They could just play outside and get some vitamin D. My point is that don't wait for people to come to you... go to them. I just received a call from my neighbor and they are having such a good time that she wants my #2 to stay over for pizza!!! We've lived here for over seven years and that is the first time he has been over there. Life can be so wonderful when you give it a chance.
Friday, March 19, 2010
Surviving Spring Break In Sickness And In Health
This Spring Break was definitely a challenging one for me. My husband had to work and so we didn't get a chance to go out of town. However, in hindsight I believe it was probably a blessing because I spent most of the time cleaning up vomit, diarrhea, and taking care of fevers. I can't imagine being on vacation with sick kids. That would be a total nightmare!
We basically had a "staycation" and made the best of it. My oldest, who is thirteen, was the one who was sick most of the time. In a way, that made it easier for me. I took the younger three to places like Pump It Up (an indoor inflatable playground for kids and adults), bowling, and was able to leave my oldest at home to rest. The weather was so nice and we definitely spent some time outside. Getting that Vitamin D sure does something for the soul.
The children actually enjoyed relaxing while watching television and/or playing on their Nintendo DS. They loved not having to go to school and did not complain too much. I guess I must have kept them busy enough that they didn't even notice that we didn't go out of town like most of their friends. Sometimes we parents forget that time is usually what they want. If we fill our time during a vacation with traveling and schedules then it's not TRULY a vacation.
Although it would have been nice to get away this week, I am not going to complain too much. I am going to count my blessings that MY health was fine, and that I was able to handle the sick kids. I am also thankful for being able to spend some quality time with my children. They are growing up before my eyes and one day I won't have my sweet babies at home anymore. My oldest is about to pass me in height and that is surreal.
We are planning on going camping as a family and trying out our new three bedroom tent! It's going to be so fun and the weather should be nice. We are so lucky to live in an area where the cold winters don't last very long. Our Springs are mild and wonderful. They are the perfect camping weather. There is an area that my husband found for us that is only about forty minutes from where we live that should be perfect. I can't wait for my oldest to show off his camping skills with all of his siblings. Plus, I just love smores and burnt marshmallows... YUM!!!
*************************
Our family vacation to be
continued.....
*************************
We basically had a "staycation" and made the best of it. My oldest, who is thirteen, was the one who was sick most of the time. In a way, that made it easier for me. I took the younger three to places like Pump It Up (an indoor inflatable playground for kids and adults), bowling, and was able to leave my oldest at home to rest. The weather was so nice and we definitely spent some time outside. Getting that Vitamin D sure does something for the soul.
The children actually enjoyed relaxing while watching television and/or playing on their Nintendo DS. They loved not having to go to school and did not complain too much. I guess I must have kept them busy enough that they didn't even notice that we didn't go out of town like most of their friends. Sometimes we parents forget that time is usually what they want. If we fill our time during a vacation with traveling and schedules then it's not TRULY a vacation.
Although it would have been nice to get away this week, I am not going to complain too much. I am going to count my blessings that MY health was fine, and that I was able to handle the sick kids. I am also thankful for being able to spend some quality time with my children. They are growing up before my eyes and one day I won't have my sweet babies at home anymore. My oldest is about to pass me in height and that is surreal.
We are planning on going camping as a family and trying out our new three bedroom tent! It's going to be so fun and the weather should be nice. We are so lucky to live in an area where the cold winters don't last very long. Our Springs are mild and wonderful. They are the perfect camping weather. There is an area that my husband found for us that is only about forty minutes from where we live that should be perfect. I can't wait for my oldest to show off his camping skills with all of his siblings. Plus, I just love smores and burnt marshmallows... YUM!!!
*************************
Our family vacation to be
continued.....
*************************
Wednesday, March 17, 2010
Holly Robinson Peete Keeping It Real
http://www.huffingtonpost.com/holly-robinson-peete/shifting-focus-8-facts-ab_b_501183.html
Holly Robinson Peete wrote an awesome article in the Huffington Post about eight things that the media does not cover about autism. I suggest you read it. I am so proud of her for being able to shed light on a lot of issues that I have tried to in my blog! It actually feels good to know that someone out there (in the spotlight) has some of the same concerns I do.
*********************
This little light of
mine.... I'm going to
let it shine.
*********************
Holly Robinson Peete wrote an awesome article in the Huffington Post about eight things that the media does not cover about autism. I suggest you read it. I am so proud of her for being able to shed light on a lot of issues that I have tried to in my blog! It actually feels good to know that someone out there (in the spotlight) has some of the same concerns I do.
*********************
This little light of
mine.... I'm going to
let it shine.
*********************
Friday, March 12, 2010
Complicated Taste Buds
Many of you are probably wondering the same thing I am wondering right now. Why do my children all have such different tastes? My oldest is the pickiest of them all right now. My #2 is probably my most exotic one. My daughter is a GREAT eater. My baby is VERY picky! However, the things they like don't make sense. For example, my child who doesn't like ANYTHING (let's call him "Mikey") will eat pistachios, pumpkin seeds, spinach or artichoke dips, yogurt, peanut butter (even crunchy), and many other curious things. My #2 (the one in the autism spectrum) will pour Bay Seasoning into a bowl and eat it. I have caught him eating my Bouillon cubes like candy! I don't exactly understand it. However, I did a little research and found some interesting things. I thought I would share them with you.
Found this article: http://www.medicalnewstoday.com/articles/19702.php
and found it very interesting. It explains the genetic component that comes into play in determining how children's taste buds might be affected. I already knew the social factors. For example, I grew up eating food from Puerto Rico and therefore I have TOTAL different tastes when it comes to food compared to my friends and husband. The genetic component is fascinating to me!
I was speaking to some parents of children with ASD's and they shared some very interesting stories with me. Many of them had children who were very picky eaters. Most of them ate unusual things and had limited menus. For example, one only eats: chicken nuggets (from McDonald's), cheese pizza, and peanut butter. There was another who only eats: broccoli, cheese pizza with NO sauce, cheese quesadillas, and ramen noodles. I asked them how they did it on a daily basis? How did they go out and eat? All of them said, "We rarely go out to eat" or "We just have to cook different things for him." It made me appreciate MY picky eaters. At least I know that they will eat a little more than that. I introduce new foods and for the most part they will attempt to eat it. The foods I KNOW they don't like, I will fix for myself and husband on days I don't have to cook for them. I rarely fix a different meal for my kids. That would be too much work!
In retrospect I realize that MY own taste buds have changed over time. Perhaps my children's will too. I have to hope that when they grow up and mature perhaps they will feel the curiosity to try new things. I hope that they can appreciate their mom's cooking someday.... Just like I appreciate mine.
********************************
Just keep trying. Don't give in.
It might just surprise you the
one day they actually try it and
say, "Mom! This is good!!"
********************************
Found this article: http://www.medicalnewstoday.com/articles/19702.php
and found it very interesting. It explains the genetic component that comes into play in determining how children's taste buds might be affected. I already knew the social factors. For example, I grew up eating food from Puerto Rico and therefore I have TOTAL different tastes when it comes to food compared to my friends and husband. The genetic component is fascinating to me!
I was speaking to some parents of children with ASD's and they shared some very interesting stories with me. Many of them had children who were very picky eaters. Most of them ate unusual things and had limited menus. For example, one only eats: chicken nuggets (from McDonald's), cheese pizza, and peanut butter. There was another who only eats: broccoli, cheese pizza with NO sauce, cheese quesadillas, and ramen noodles. I asked them how they did it on a daily basis? How did they go out and eat? All of them said, "We rarely go out to eat" or "We just have to cook different things for him." It made me appreciate MY picky eaters. At least I know that they will eat a little more than that. I introduce new foods and for the most part they will attempt to eat it. The foods I KNOW they don't like, I will fix for myself and husband on days I don't have to cook for them. I rarely fix a different meal for my kids. That would be too much work!
In retrospect I realize that MY own taste buds have changed over time. Perhaps my children's will too. I have to hope that when they grow up and mature perhaps they will feel the curiosity to try new things. I hope that they can appreciate their mom's cooking someday.... Just like I appreciate mine.
********************************
Just keep trying. Don't give in.
It might just surprise you the
one day they actually try it and
say, "Mom! This is good!!"
********************************
Monday, March 8, 2010
Tribute to an Angel
I can't mention her by name.... nor can I even say how I know her. However, I wanted to pay tribute to this "angel" of mine who has taught me more about my #2 than anyone else in the world!
The truth is that she doesn't even realize how much of an impact she has on me and my family. When others criticize about something my #2 has done, she explains the context in which it happened. When others see a child who is being unruly or a bit noisy, she sees someone who has a lot of "spirit". When I get frustrated at his impatience, she sees a child with enthusiasm and an eagerness to be involved. When my child has a "spiritual moment" she is the first one to share it with me. I feel truly blessed to know her and to have her in my life.
The best thing is that she is going to be working with children with special needs. She feels it's her calling in life. I think she's right. She's not even done with school, but she has already had a HUGE impact on many children's lives. I am so excited to know that she will be joining the ranks of those wonderful teachers who get to work with some remarkable children. This angel of mine appreciates their sweet spirits and their brilliant minds. She loves them and expects a lot out of them in return. It's amazing what a child can achieve when you expect it. It's truly amazing!!
*************************
We make a living by what
we get, but we make a life
by what we give.
--Winston Churchill
*************************
The truth is that she doesn't even realize how much of an impact she has on me and my family. When others criticize about something my #2 has done, she explains the context in which it happened. When others see a child who is being unruly or a bit noisy, she sees someone who has a lot of "spirit". When I get frustrated at his impatience, she sees a child with enthusiasm and an eagerness to be involved. When my child has a "spiritual moment" she is the first one to share it with me. I feel truly blessed to know her and to have her in my life.
The best thing is that she is going to be working with children with special needs. She feels it's her calling in life. I think she's right. She's not even done with school, but she has already had a HUGE impact on many children's lives. I am so excited to know that she will be joining the ranks of those wonderful teachers who get to work with some remarkable children. This angel of mine appreciates their sweet spirits and their brilliant minds. She loves them and expects a lot out of them in return. It's amazing what a child can achieve when you expect it. It's truly amazing!!
*************************
We make a living by what
we get, but we make a life
by what we give.
--Winston Churchill
*************************
Tuesday, March 2, 2010
Bullying in Schools Need to Stop!
Recent events have inspired me to write this post. Luckily, and I do mean LUCKILY, this time it wasn't my children involved. It was a dear friend's son who is in Middle School. He is in the autism spectrum and is such a sweet and caring boy. He is big enough to be a linebacker in football, but he wouldn't hurt a fly. He's a big teddy bear. He is dealing with bullying on a daily basis and it's breaking his mother's heart because she feels like she is not getting the support of the school.
We live in a time where some parents don't want to take the time to teach their kids common courtesy and acceptance. In some cases, the parents are worse than the kids. I am so tired of hearing the same old thing, "boys will be boys" or "that's part of Middle School." It doesn't have to be. I think that if parents would just teach their children tolerance and educate them on cultural diversity, then we wouldn't have half the problems we face today. The children are eventually going to grow up to become adults. What kind of adults are we raising?
The dilemma is the following: when is a parent supposed to sit back and let the child deal with his/her own problems and when is a parent supposed to step in and do something? I was faced with a similar situation when MY son attended his first year in Middle School. I was torn because I wanted my son to learn how to stand up for himself. However, I was seeing his self-esteem go downhill very quickly. I eventually visited the school and talked to the Vice Principal. Unfortunately, it didn't change things very much, but I showed my son that I was on his side and that he no longer had to "ignore them" and put up with such abuse. My son and I eventually came up with a game plan and he finished out the year.
My friend has been advised by a professional to "ignore things" and that it was just a normal middle school adjustment thing. She was told that the children were advised to ignore her child. Well... the problem is that they are definitely ignoring him (among other things), which is a form of psychological bullying. Her child came home today and went straight to his room and cried. I can't even imagine what he must be going through. It just breaks my heart. They tease him about his size, his hair, his intelligence, and use tone of voice to degrade him in class. I am concerned that he will reach his limit and "fight" back. Of course, these kids are street smart and so HE will likely get in trouble before anyone else does.
I can't wait for the day when children can go to school and not have to worry about being who they are. I understand that children are not mature and there are some things they will do. However, I also understand that MY children don't bully other kids in school and never have. It's because I have TAUGHT them basic principles such as "Love One Another" and "The Golden Rule", among other things. I have experienced people being critical of the way I raise my children with high standards and morals. They think it's ridiculous that my thirteen year-old boy can't watch certain shows on t.v. or that we won't allow him to go to any school dance until he is fourteen. It's important to stand your ground when it comes to things like that. Otherwise, when bigger and more important "battles" come along then you have the strength and backing to fight them.
********************************
Life lesson #205: sometimes you just need to listen to your gut and dismiss unsolicited advice when it comes to your children..... even the "professionals" don't always have the answers.
********************************
We live in a time where some parents don't want to take the time to teach their kids common courtesy and acceptance. In some cases, the parents are worse than the kids. I am so tired of hearing the same old thing, "boys will be boys" or "that's part of Middle School." It doesn't have to be. I think that if parents would just teach their children tolerance and educate them on cultural diversity, then we wouldn't have half the problems we face today. The children are eventually going to grow up to become adults. What kind of adults are we raising?
The dilemma is the following: when is a parent supposed to sit back and let the child deal with his/her own problems and when is a parent supposed to step in and do something? I was faced with a similar situation when MY son attended his first year in Middle School. I was torn because I wanted my son to learn how to stand up for himself. However, I was seeing his self-esteem go downhill very quickly. I eventually visited the school and talked to the Vice Principal. Unfortunately, it didn't change things very much, but I showed my son that I was on his side and that he no longer had to "ignore them" and put up with such abuse. My son and I eventually came up with a game plan and he finished out the year.
My friend has been advised by a professional to "ignore things" and that it was just a normal middle school adjustment thing. She was told that the children were advised to ignore her child. Well... the problem is that they are definitely ignoring him (among other things), which is a form of psychological bullying. Her child came home today and went straight to his room and cried. I can't even imagine what he must be going through. It just breaks my heart. They tease him about his size, his hair, his intelligence, and use tone of voice to degrade him in class. I am concerned that he will reach his limit and "fight" back. Of course, these kids are street smart and so HE will likely get in trouble before anyone else does.
I can't wait for the day when children can go to school and not have to worry about being who they are. I understand that children are not mature and there are some things they will do. However, I also understand that MY children don't bully other kids in school and never have. It's because I have TAUGHT them basic principles such as "Love One Another" and "The Golden Rule", among other things. I have experienced people being critical of the way I raise my children with high standards and morals. They think it's ridiculous that my thirteen year-old boy can't watch certain shows on t.v. or that we won't allow him to go to any school dance until he is fourteen. It's important to stand your ground when it comes to things like that. Otherwise, when bigger and more important "battles" come along then you have the strength and backing to fight them.
********************************
Life lesson #205: sometimes you just need to listen to your gut and dismiss unsolicited advice when it comes to your children..... even the "professionals" don't always have the answers.
********************************
Friday, February 26, 2010
Time for Another H1N1 shot! HUH????
My children came home from school with yet another pamphlet about H1N1. What gives? Given the fact that the flu season is basically over AND that the H1N1 is basically a milder form of the "seasonal flu"....why the push for the vaccine? Hmmmm??
I wanted to comment on the pamphlet that came home. I thought it was very interesting. It was a "Myth versus Fact" informational pamphlet. Here are excerpts of what they say:
#1) "Myth: The 2009 H1N1 flu vaccine has not been adequately tested so it is not safe or effective. Fact: ...Top doctors and scientists believe the risk of the flu, especially for pregnant women, children, and people with underlying health conditions, is higher than any risk that might come from the 2009 H1N1 vaccine."
**Oh, really??? Is that supposed to make me feel better?
#2) "Myth: The 2009 H1N1 nasal spray flu vaccine is not as effective as the shot (injectable) vaccine. Fact: Based on available data, both vaccines are expected to be effective against 2009 H1N1 flu."
** WHAT available data are they talking about????? They are getting the "data" as we speak! It hasn't been out long enough to gather enough data (in my humble opinion, that is).
#3) "Myth: If I receive the nasal spray 2009 H1N1 flu vaccine, I can pass the virus on to other people and infect them. Fact: Because the virus is weakened, it is very unlikely to infect others or cause them to have flu symptoms."
** It is "very unlikely" that you can pass it on to others? That basically says (to me) that it COULD happen and they can't say for sure it can't.
In a normal, healthy adult or child there is no reason why the H1N1 vaccine should be shoved down our throats! The way I see it, they are just trying to get rid of the vaccines they made and/or make some profit in the process. After reading the information, it validated my thought process about the whole thing. They basically "jumped the gun" on the manufacturing of the vaccine and even though it did not reach pandemic proportions, they are trying to still scare the public into thinking that it's a "dangerous" flu still lurking around us. It is milder than the seasonal flu and I think that if anything...they should be making sure that the elderly and such get the seasonal flu shot because MORE people have died from that than the H1N1 flu. Of course, THIS gal will not be getting any "mercury injections" anytime soon.
****************************
It's not hard to get all the
facts and make an informed
decision.
****************************
I wanted to comment on the pamphlet that came home. I thought it was very interesting. It was a "Myth versus Fact" informational pamphlet. Here are excerpts of what they say:
#1) "Myth: The 2009 H1N1 flu vaccine has not been adequately tested so it is not safe or effective. Fact: ...Top doctors and scientists believe the risk of the flu, especially for pregnant women, children, and people with underlying health conditions, is higher than any risk that might come from the 2009 H1N1 vaccine."
**Oh, really??? Is that supposed to make me feel better?
#2) "Myth: The 2009 H1N1 nasal spray flu vaccine is not as effective as the shot (injectable) vaccine. Fact: Based on available data, both vaccines are expected to be effective against 2009 H1N1 flu."
** WHAT available data are they talking about????? They are getting the "data" as we speak! It hasn't been out long enough to gather enough data (in my humble opinion, that is).
#3) "Myth: If I receive the nasal spray 2009 H1N1 flu vaccine, I can pass the virus on to other people and infect them. Fact: Because the virus is weakened, it is very unlikely to infect others or cause them to have flu symptoms."
** It is "very unlikely" that you can pass it on to others? That basically says (to me) that it COULD happen and they can't say for sure it can't.
In a normal, healthy adult or child there is no reason why the H1N1 vaccine should be shoved down our throats! The way I see it, they are just trying to get rid of the vaccines they made and/or make some profit in the process. After reading the information, it validated my thought process about the whole thing. They basically "jumped the gun" on the manufacturing of the vaccine and even though it did not reach pandemic proportions, they are trying to still scare the public into thinking that it's a "dangerous" flu still lurking around us. It is milder than the seasonal flu and I think that if anything...they should be making sure that the elderly and such get the seasonal flu shot because MORE people have died from that than the H1N1 flu. Of course, THIS gal will not be getting any "mercury injections" anytime soon.
****************************
It's not hard to get all the
facts and make an informed
decision.
****************************
Wednesday, February 24, 2010
ABA Therapy Available in Montgomery, Alabama
I just wanted to post this short message to let everyone know that there is an ABA Therapist in Montgomery. Her formal title is: Behavior Analyst. She came and spoke to us during our PA meeting at Churchill and really impressed everyone there. More than anything, I loved her spirit. She had a very positive attitude when she answered parents' questions and had some REAL advice and practical suggestions. Unfortunately, our area is in need of more. She can't do it all by herself and she struggles with trying to meet the needs of our area. She explained that many people leave our area once they are done with their schooling.
If you are a student or are in the process of deciding what route to take in the Special Education realm.... please consider this option. We need more people in this profession. Evidently, it's a good career and our area is in need.
If you are a student or are in the process of deciding what route to take in the Special Education realm.... please consider this option. We need more people in this profession. Evidently, it's a good career and our area is in need.
Friday, February 19, 2010
An Amazing Mind Willing to Share
A recent night at scouts reminded me about how brilliant the minds of children in the autism spectrum are. It also prompted me to share the following experience with you because I thought it would definitely amuse many of you (especially those who know my children).
My #2 never seizes to amaze me. The other day he was explaining what he knew in the subject of mathematics. He asked me what the highest number I could count to was. I told him that I could count to a trillion. He then proceeded to ask me what the highest number was. I told him I didn't know. He told me that it was "infinity". I vaguely remembered that from college. I told him how proud I was that he knew that. He then asked me if I knew what the lowest number was. Again, I told him I didn't know. He told me it was "negative infinity" and looked at me with such a wide grin... the kind that goes from ear to ear. It was so cute. I was definitely impressed. When he gets in this kind of mood I like to test his knowledge on various subjects so I decided to ask him about aerodynamics. I asked him how a plane stays up in the air. My father is a former helicopter pilot and he explained things to him a couple years ago and even showed him how to fly a flight simulator program on the computer. Needless to say, my #2 remembered a lot! He drew a wing and then explained lift to me and even showed how the wind current goes over a CURVED wing! I was floored. I have always known how smart he is, but I guess I didn't realize how much he retains and how eager he is to share his knowledge with me. I am going to encourage him to explain more things to me in the future. It was so much fun.
******************************
Take time to listen to your
children. You might be amazed
at what you hear.
******************************
My #2 never seizes to amaze me. The other day he was explaining what he knew in the subject of mathematics. He asked me what the highest number I could count to was. I told him that I could count to a trillion. He then proceeded to ask me what the highest number was. I told him I didn't know. He told me that it was "infinity". I vaguely remembered that from college. I told him how proud I was that he knew that. He then asked me if I knew what the lowest number was. Again, I told him I didn't know. He told me it was "negative infinity" and looked at me with such a wide grin... the kind that goes from ear to ear. It was so cute. I was definitely impressed. When he gets in this kind of mood I like to test his knowledge on various subjects so I decided to ask him about aerodynamics. I asked him how a plane stays up in the air. My father is a former helicopter pilot and he explained things to him a couple years ago and even showed him how to fly a flight simulator program on the computer. Needless to say, my #2 remembered a lot! He drew a wing and then explained lift to me and even showed how the wind current goes over a CURVED wing! I was floored. I have always known how smart he is, but I guess I didn't realize how much he retains and how eager he is to share his knowledge with me. I am going to encourage him to explain more things to me in the future. It was so much fun.
******************************
Take time to listen to your
children. You might be amazed
at what you hear.
******************************
Wednesday, February 10, 2010
Riding the Autism Train... Are You on Board?
A recent conversation with my mom prompted me to write this post. I can't explain it, but I feel like a ton of bricks have been lifted off my shoulders. It's because now I KNOW for a surety that she's on board. I think I can compare the experience like an awakening of sorts. It's rather amazing, actually.
There are certain things that people can't imagine. One thing is motherhood. There is no way to explain it.... you have to experience it. The same goes for autism. It's a whole different world. When you know someone who has autism the world is no longer the same and it also changes you. I know, personally, I have gained more patience and more understanding. I have also grown to LOVE children with disabilities. Although my child's condition is not as severe as Down Syndrome or other children with low functioning autism, I look at those children and I understand them. I think I even appreciate them. It's hard to explain. One reason might be that my religion teaches that children with such disabilities are such special spirits that they cannot sin and therefore don't need to be baptized. They come to earth to experience a mortal body and that is all they need to progress in the next life. I think that is such an awesome teaching of our church.
If you are a friend, a family member, or an acquaintance of someone who has a child with autism then you have a glimpse of what I am talking about. However, you don't really KNOW what it's like to live day to day. You don't see the tantrums, the meltdowns, the overstimulation, or frustration that comes with autism. My child is harder on himself than anyone I know. When I see others belittling him or not taking notice of his progress it really hurts. His behavior in public has improved dramatically, but it's because we work with him on a daily basis. He is in a special school where we sacrifice a very large tuition to make sure he gets the best help. We sacrifice going on family trips or getting expensive clothes, for example, in order to pay the expenses that come with autism. I am here to tell you that it's not just the tuition for the school, but it's also doctor bills that aren't covered by insurance, psychologist testing, speech therapy when he was younger, occupational therapy that we could not afford for very long, AND the medication!
What does it mean to be "on board" with someone who is struggling with a child who has autism? 1) Don't judge. 2) Learn as much about it as you can. 3)Be understanding and empathetic. 4)Remember that autism doesn't define who the child is, but rather explains the behavior. 5)Don't always assume that the child is at fault... sometimes they can't stand up for themselves. 6)Know that the parents and the child are harder on themselves than meets the eye. 7) Don't forget to praise once in a while when appropriate....it gets REALLY old just hearing negative comments.
I can't stress enough the fact that things aren't always what they seem. Case and point: I can remember one day when my #2 was horrible! I think I was near my breaking point. He had done almost everything you could think of. I had spanked him, grounded him. Nothing seemed to work. (This was before we had a diagnosis.) Well... the week gradually got better and we actually ended up having a decent week. So, I decided as positive reinforcement we would go to Stevie B's Pizza and have a family night. Our rule was the kids had to eat before they could go and play in the arcade. As soon as my #2 finished, he was eager to go into the arcade. We went in and there was a grandma with her perfect granddaughter playing. Of course, my #2 was so excited to play, but I had to get change. I went to the machine and the grandma was standing in line to get tokens. My #2 proceeded to stand by the machine as we waited our turn. However, he doesn't know personal space and he evidently got a little too close and it bothered the grandma. I could tell and so I told him to move and to stand by me. I then looked at the grandma and said, "He's just excited...he's only a kid." (I was hoping she would be understanding.) Her response was, "No.... YOU just need to be a parent!!" My jaw just hit the floor. I couldn't believe what she had said. There are many things I could have told her. However, I just ignored her and avoided her the rest of the time we were there. That is one of the best examples I can share with you to show you a glimpse of what people just don't know and how prejudging someone can really hurt. Little did she know that parenting is ALL I do 24/7 and that I have to pick my battles, and if I reprimanded my child for something he has no control over then I would not be doing my job as his mother.
************************************
I am the tank engine that provides
the momentum to pull the heavy loads,
but if the cars don't follow then I
might as well pull with all my might
til kingdom come 'cause they aren't
going to budge.
************************************
There are certain things that people can't imagine. One thing is motherhood. There is no way to explain it.... you have to experience it. The same goes for autism. It's a whole different world. When you know someone who has autism the world is no longer the same and it also changes you. I know, personally, I have gained more patience and more understanding. I have also grown to LOVE children with disabilities. Although my child's condition is not as severe as Down Syndrome or other children with low functioning autism, I look at those children and I understand them. I think I even appreciate them. It's hard to explain. One reason might be that my religion teaches that children with such disabilities are such special spirits that they cannot sin and therefore don't need to be baptized. They come to earth to experience a mortal body and that is all they need to progress in the next life. I think that is such an awesome teaching of our church.
If you are a friend, a family member, or an acquaintance of someone who has a child with autism then you have a glimpse of what I am talking about. However, you don't really KNOW what it's like to live day to day. You don't see the tantrums, the meltdowns, the overstimulation, or frustration that comes with autism. My child is harder on himself than anyone I know. When I see others belittling him or not taking notice of his progress it really hurts. His behavior in public has improved dramatically, but it's because we work with him on a daily basis. He is in a special school where we sacrifice a very large tuition to make sure he gets the best help. We sacrifice going on family trips or getting expensive clothes, for example, in order to pay the expenses that come with autism. I am here to tell you that it's not just the tuition for the school, but it's also doctor bills that aren't covered by insurance, psychologist testing, speech therapy when he was younger, occupational therapy that we could not afford for very long, AND the medication!
What does it mean to be "on board" with someone who is struggling with a child who has autism? 1) Don't judge. 2) Learn as much about it as you can. 3)Be understanding and empathetic. 4)Remember that autism doesn't define who the child is, but rather explains the behavior. 5)Don't always assume that the child is at fault... sometimes they can't stand up for themselves. 6)Know that the parents and the child are harder on themselves than meets the eye. 7) Don't forget to praise once in a while when appropriate....it gets REALLY old just hearing negative comments.
I can't stress enough the fact that things aren't always what they seem. Case and point: I can remember one day when my #2 was horrible! I think I was near my breaking point. He had done almost everything you could think of. I had spanked him, grounded him. Nothing seemed to work. (This was before we had a diagnosis.) Well... the week gradually got better and we actually ended up having a decent week. So, I decided as positive reinforcement we would go to Stevie B's Pizza and have a family night. Our rule was the kids had to eat before they could go and play in the arcade. As soon as my #2 finished, he was eager to go into the arcade. We went in and there was a grandma with her perfect granddaughter playing. Of course, my #2 was so excited to play, but I had to get change. I went to the machine and the grandma was standing in line to get tokens. My #2 proceeded to stand by the machine as we waited our turn. However, he doesn't know personal space and he evidently got a little too close and it bothered the grandma. I could tell and so I told him to move and to stand by me. I then looked at the grandma and said, "He's just excited...he's only a kid." (I was hoping she would be understanding.) Her response was, "No.... YOU just need to be a parent!!" My jaw just hit the floor. I couldn't believe what she had said. There are many things I could have told her. However, I just ignored her and avoided her the rest of the time we were there. That is one of the best examples I can share with you to show you a glimpse of what people just don't know and how prejudging someone can really hurt. Little did she know that parenting is ALL I do 24/7 and that I have to pick my battles, and if I reprimanded my child for something he has no control over then I would not be doing my job as his mother.
************************************
I am the tank engine that provides
the momentum to pull the heavy loads,
but if the cars don't follow then I
might as well pull with all my might
til kingdom come 'cause they aren't
going to budge.
************************************
Monday, February 1, 2010
The Sibling Effect
So much focus is given to the children with problems that often the siblings are left feeling ignored, unloved, and needing attention. This often leads to the kids "acting out" or sometimes even mimicking the behavior in hopes that THEY too will get attention. Remember that negative attention is attention nonetheless. That is something that psychologists have drilled into my head over the years.
I am just as guilty as anyone else out there. I have ignored my daughter, for example, on numerous occasions since she rarely gives us trouble and she is almost the "perfect" child in every way. She does well in school, has lots of friends, and is a very loving and sweet child. My oldest used to give us so much trouble when he was younger, that NOW we often ignore him as well since he is thirteen and rarely gives us trouble as well.... especially compared to how it was when he was younger. That leaves only two others that demand a lot of my attention at the moment. I try very hard to give it to them, but it's hard sometimes to do it without doing it at the expense of others. I was thinking about that the other day and it prompted me to write this entry. I am going to call it the "Sibling Effect" and it definitely covers a lot more than it sounds.
The Sibling Effect is the way others treat or perceive your children without knowing them, but only knowing one or more siblings. It also refers to the way siblings are treated by parents. This can be positive or negative. For example, your oldest child has a teacher and the experience is negative. The sibling has the same teacher years later, but the negative reputation is already there in spite of the fact that they are two completely different individuals. They look the same and possibly have some of the same mannerisms and that just makes things more complicated. However, another way of looking at it is that the parent will often have certain expectations even though there are two completely different individuals involved. This also works in the opposite manner. If your oldest child is well-behaved and a good kid then people are going to assume that future children will be the same. The parent will often expect good behavior and then doesn't understand why the child is misbehaving or acting so differently. This leads to frustration and often misguided efforts to use the same kind of discipline,etc.. on the child.
It's an unfair thing, but it happens all the time. The problem especially arises when you have a child with special needs. It often isolates the siblings because children are so cruel. It's hard to change a child's reputation especially among other children. I have a dear friend whose child is in the autism spectrum and she can't allow him to go to a friend's house unsupervised. She has a younger daughter who is typical and often asks if she can go play at a friend's house. It's so hard for her since she has to constantly explain why rules differ for the children. Her son often gets angry and frustrated because he can't play with other children, while his younger sister is allowed. However, the worst part is that he is seldom asked to play by other children and so he will often invite himself. He has been shunned and teased by children in his neighborhood on numerous occasions. It's almost too much for the mother to bear.
I can only speak from experience, but after my son's diagnosis I almost held my breath with my next two children. It was almost like I expected the worst but hoped for the best. I said a lot of prayers and tried to remain optimistic. When my daughter had speech delay I almost felt like giving up! I didn't want to go through it all again.... it seemed so unfair. However, I am so glad that I didn't give up. I worked really hard with her and today she is doing great. My youngest has speech delay as well and I thought to myself, "here we go again..." However, THIS time I have the knowledge and experience I have acquired over the years and that gives me an advantage. I have to remind myself that he is an individual and there are NO limits to his potential.
I feel so protective of my children, but especially my second child. He has been diagnosed with PDD (Pervasive Developmental Disorder), Tourette's (also known as "ticks"), and ADHD. One can only imagine the complications in trying to get him enough social interaction. He's an awesome kid and very intelligent. However, he lacks a lot of social skills and other kids his age don't understand him. Actually, many ADULTS don't understand him. I am just so thankful for the school he attends because he has made so many friends and the parents and teachers adore him! One thing that I worry about is the fact that my youngest looks and acts SO much like him. I have seen the "Sibling Effect" on numerous occasions and don't really know what to do about it. I feel like the only thing I CAN do is just educate others. They need to know that he is not like his brother. At the moment his only challenge is he is speech delayed. Of course with that comes other issues, but he is progressing and doing so well. I see a lot of his sister in him. I am quite optimistic about his future. He is speaking better than any of his siblings at the same age. That in itself gives me a lot of hope.
My hope is that someone will read this post and either #1: think twice about prejudging a child based on knowledge of a sibling or #2: know that they aren't alone and that others are aware of the problem AND that something can be done about it. We don't need to sit back and ignore something like this. The way a child is treated will shape the kind of person he/she will become. It doesn't matter if the child is typical or special-needs.... it's all the same.
*************************************
The worst thing you can do to a child
is ignore him.... but worse yet is to
prejudge him and form opinions before
even getting to know him.
*************************************
I am just as guilty as anyone else out there. I have ignored my daughter, for example, on numerous occasions since she rarely gives us trouble and she is almost the "perfect" child in every way. She does well in school, has lots of friends, and is a very loving and sweet child. My oldest used to give us so much trouble when he was younger, that NOW we often ignore him as well since he is thirteen and rarely gives us trouble as well.... especially compared to how it was when he was younger. That leaves only two others that demand a lot of my attention at the moment. I try very hard to give it to them, but it's hard sometimes to do it without doing it at the expense of others. I was thinking about that the other day and it prompted me to write this entry. I am going to call it the "Sibling Effect" and it definitely covers a lot more than it sounds.
The Sibling Effect is the way others treat or perceive your children without knowing them, but only knowing one or more siblings. It also refers to the way siblings are treated by parents. This can be positive or negative. For example, your oldest child has a teacher and the experience is negative. The sibling has the same teacher years later, but the negative reputation is already there in spite of the fact that they are two completely different individuals. They look the same and possibly have some of the same mannerisms and that just makes things more complicated. However, another way of looking at it is that the parent will often have certain expectations even though there are two completely different individuals involved. This also works in the opposite manner. If your oldest child is well-behaved and a good kid then people are going to assume that future children will be the same. The parent will often expect good behavior and then doesn't understand why the child is misbehaving or acting so differently. This leads to frustration and often misguided efforts to use the same kind of discipline,etc.. on the child.
It's an unfair thing, but it happens all the time. The problem especially arises when you have a child with special needs. It often isolates the siblings because children are so cruel. It's hard to change a child's reputation especially among other children. I have a dear friend whose child is in the autism spectrum and she can't allow him to go to a friend's house unsupervised. She has a younger daughter who is typical and often asks if she can go play at a friend's house. It's so hard for her since she has to constantly explain why rules differ for the children. Her son often gets angry and frustrated because he can't play with other children, while his younger sister is allowed. However, the worst part is that he is seldom asked to play by other children and so he will often invite himself. He has been shunned and teased by children in his neighborhood on numerous occasions. It's almost too much for the mother to bear.
I can only speak from experience, but after my son's diagnosis I almost held my breath with my next two children. It was almost like I expected the worst but hoped for the best. I said a lot of prayers and tried to remain optimistic. When my daughter had speech delay I almost felt like giving up! I didn't want to go through it all again.... it seemed so unfair. However, I am so glad that I didn't give up. I worked really hard with her and today she is doing great. My youngest has speech delay as well and I thought to myself, "here we go again..." However, THIS time I have the knowledge and experience I have acquired over the years and that gives me an advantage. I have to remind myself that he is an individual and there are NO limits to his potential.
I feel so protective of my children, but especially my second child. He has been diagnosed with PDD (Pervasive Developmental Disorder), Tourette's (also known as "ticks"), and ADHD. One can only imagine the complications in trying to get him enough social interaction. He's an awesome kid and very intelligent. However, he lacks a lot of social skills and other kids his age don't understand him. Actually, many ADULTS don't understand him. I am just so thankful for the school he attends because he has made so many friends and the parents and teachers adore him! One thing that I worry about is the fact that my youngest looks and acts SO much like him. I have seen the "Sibling Effect" on numerous occasions and don't really know what to do about it. I feel like the only thing I CAN do is just educate others. They need to know that he is not like his brother. At the moment his only challenge is he is speech delayed. Of course with that comes other issues, but he is progressing and doing so well. I see a lot of his sister in him. I am quite optimistic about his future. He is speaking better than any of his siblings at the same age. That in itself gives me a lot of hope.
My hope is that someone will read this post and either #1: think twice about prejudging a child based on knowledge of a sibling or #2: know that they aren't alone and that others are aware of the problem AND that something can be done about it. We don't need to sit back and ignore something like this. The way a child is treated will shape the kind of person he/she will become. It doesn't matter if the child is typical or special-needs.... it's all the same.
*************************************
The worst thing you can do to a child
is ignore him.... but worse yet is to
prejudge him and form opinions before
even getting to know him.
*************************************
Monday, January 18, 2010
Knowing Your Rights
What are your rights as a parent in regards to services and help for your child as they get older? That was a question that was posed today by a mother of a teenager. She only has three years before her child is 18 years old. I haven't even thought about that since #1: my child is only 9 at the moment and #2: I am optimistic that my child won't need any services by then. However, it is better to be prepared just in case.
The first thing that comes to mind is SSI or social security benefits. However, I think it is based on household income so I am not sure how that works. Here are a few links with information:
http://www.child-autism-parent-cafe.com/social-security.html
http://www.autism-world.com/index.php/2007/10/14/does-children-with-autism-qualify-for-disability-benefits/
Sometimes you might need legal help. I found the following site and although I am not endorsing them or even familiar with the firm, I thought I would post it so that you can see some of the points they make on the site: http://www.socialsecuritylawfirms.com/resources/social-security/social-security-disability-coverage/child-autism.htm
I will try and do some extensive research and post my findings in the near future.
The first thing that comes to mind is SSI or social security benefits. However, I think it is based on household income so I am not sure how that works. Here are a few links with information:
http://www.child-autism-parent-cafe.com/social-security.html
http://www.autism-world.com/index.php/2007/10/14/does-children-with-autism-qualify-for-disability-benefits/
Sometimes you might need legal help. I found the following site and although I am not endorsing them or even familiar with the firm, I thought I would post it so that you can see some of the points they make on the site: http://www.socialsecuritylawfirms.com/resources/social-security/social-security-disability-coverage/child-autism.htm
I will try and do some extensive research and post my findings in the near future.
Monday, January 11, 2010
Importance of Continuing Education
Professionals such as my husband have what they call continuing education and it's required to maintain their careers. When I was a Medical Technologist we had to have certain amount of hours to maintain current on issues concerning the lab. Well... motherhood is one of the toughest jobs in the world. I feel strongly that moms (as well as dads) should also keep "current" on issues concerning their children.
Seminars, workshops, and various other events occur all the time in our city. Sometimes you have to keep your eyes and ears open, but they are available (usually free of charge) for parents. The city actually has a budget for education and it includes education for parents. Everyone knows that raising children has it challenges, but raising children with challenges poses a totally different kind of situation. I have seen so many people get divorced due to the stress and the financial burden that usually accompanies. It's no wonder that cities devote so much effort into educating parents.
I urge you to find out when/where seminars are offered. They are usually at churches, schools, and libraries. The more support we get, the better off we are. Don't ever feel like you have to do it alone. There are so many people who are too proud to ask for help or to accept it. I have to say that I've made some great contacts going to seminars and support groups. There is always strength in numbers.
**************************
A little help never hurts.
**************************
Seminars, workshops, and various other events occur all the time in our city. Sometimes you have to keep your eyes and ears open, but they are available (usually free of charge) for parents. The city actually has a budget for education and it includes education for parents. Everyone knows that raising children has it challenges, but raising children with challenges poses a totally different kind of situation. I have seen so many people get divorced due to the stress and the financial burden that usually accompanies. It's no wonder that cities devote so much effort into educating parents.
I urge you to find out when/where seminars are offered. They are usually at churches, schools, and libraries. The more support we get, the better off we are. Don't ever feel like you have to do it alone. There are so many people who are too proud to ask for help or to accept it. I have to say that I've made some great contacts going to seminars and support groups. There is always strength in numbers.
**************************
A little help never hurts.
**************************
Friday, January 8, 2010
Met a Remarkable Man Yesterday
I had to share this with you all because it just goes to show you that you can't judge someone without getting to know them first. I am so glad that I usually give people the benefit of the doubt.
The other day I was working out at the gym and a sweet gray-haired guy approached me about the Alabama Bowl game. He was so excited and he went on and on about the game. I had seen him before running around the neighborhood and could tell there was something "off" with him. When he talked he had a speech impediment and stuttered. He almost sounded like a stereotypical mentally retarded individual. It didn't help that English was definitely not his first language either. Normally, most women would have either walked away or felt uncomfortable... However, I began to listen to him and he was very articulate and his thought process was definitely normal. He just didn't SOUND normal and his motor skills were definitely impaired. After speaking to him he stopped and then said, "I am so sorry I sound like this... It's hard for me to speak. I have what the doctors call TBI (traumatic brain injury) and I am working hard to get my body back to normal. It has been a year now and I work every day to get stronger. I run two miles, I then get a little rest and then do jumping jacks to work on my motor skills. I spend most of the day exercising my body and mind. Up until recently I could barely talk and my balance was not very good. I live with my brother and he thinks I work too hard. I am not going to give up though. I have hope that one day I will be normal again. I have spoken to other individuals and it took them TWO years to get to where I am. That gives me so much hope."
I felt like crying after he explained that to me. It definitely made me look at myself and how sometimes we judge people subconsciously. It also made me think about society and how probably he must be treated on a daily basis. Do people treat him with respect? I sure hope so. Do people listen to him when he talks or just ignore him? I can only imagine.
I am so fortunate to have a healthy body and mind. I am thankful for my health and I treasure every day that I can work out and do what I want to do. I know that others are not so lucky and that it can all change in a blink of an eye.
*************************************
A healthy body and mind are worth
more than all the money in the world.
*************************************
The other day I was working out at the gym and a sweet gray-haired guy approached me about the Alabama Bowl game. He was so excited and he went on and on about the game. I had seen him before running around the neighborhood and could tell there was something "off" with him. When he talked he had a speech impediment and stuttered. He almost sounded like a stereotypical mentally retarded individual. It didn't help that English was definitely not his first language either. Normally, most women would have either walked away or felt uncomfortable... However, I began to listen to him and he was very articulate and his thought process was definitely normal. He just didn't SOUND normal and his motor skills were definitely impaired. After speaking to him he stopped and then said, "I am so sorry I sound like this... It's hard for me to speak. I have what the doctors call TBI (traumatic brain injury) and I am working hard to get my body back to normal. It has been a year now and I work every day to get stronger. I run two miles, I then get a little rest and then do jumping jacks to work on my motor skills. I spend most of the day exercising my body and mind. Up until recently I could barely talk and my balance was not very good. I live with my brother and he thinks I work too hard. I am not going to give up though. I have hope that one day I will be normal again. I have spoken to other individuals and it took them TWO years to get to where I am. That gives me so much hope."
I felt like crying after he explained that to me. It definitely made me look at myself and how sometimes we judge people subconsciously. It also made me think about society and how probably he must be treated on a daily basis. Do people treat him with respect? I sure hope so. Do people listen to him when he talks or just ignore him? I can only imagine.
I am so fortunate to have a healthy body and mind. I am thankful for my health and I treasure every day that I can work out and do what I want to do. I know that others are not so lucky and that it can all change in a blink of an eye.
*************************************
A healthy body and mind are worth
more than all the money in the world.
*************************************
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